


Dark Passion

by Tantaylor



Category: Duran Duran
Genre: Anal Sex, Dom/sub, M/M, Master/Slave, Painplay, sm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-27 02:57:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 82,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tantaylor/pseuds/Tantaylor
Summary: John wants a reunion.Nick isn`t so happy about it.
Relationships: Nick Rhodes/Roger Taylor (Duran Duran), Roger Taylor/OMC
Comments: 103
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my mother tongue, no beta.
> 
> When I started to write it, it was supposed to be only about one thing.  
About what they call Sadomasochism. Therefor the title. Dark passion.
> 
> But when I wrote the first scene in that Hotel room, I quickly realized that I can`t write only about that.  
There`s another story of mine uploaded here with this subject, what is the first one I`ve ever written in English.  
Even though I still and will always love that story (My beloved Roger), my English skills were much worse than today and I would like to give it another try with less mistakes, better grammar and maybe with the ability to describe things better.  
As you may have guessed, I`m a proud member of that Scene, let`s just say that me and Roger have quite a lot in common here.  
So, what I want to do is not writing about SM, I will write about PEOPLE who live it out.  
I am an enthusiastic clubgoer and have met a lot of exciting people there. Everyone described here is inspired by a real existing person.
> 
> Some of them are women in real life, because although I'd really love to go, I'm not allowed to be in gay SM-clubs.  
You may ask yourself what`s the difference between this, SM and people who live it out.
> 
> People who live it out have a life like everyone else. They have families, friends, jobs to do, all that.  
And above all, they are all different. Their preferences, what they feel, what they want.  
I'd like you to meet some of these people.  
Maybe to break down prejudices or just to make it clear that SM is so much more than whiplashing Doms and kneeling subs.  
I have recently been asked if I could add a glossary to the stories about SM.
> 
> This will be taken over by conversations and the curious questions of a long-legged bass player.
> 
> I would be very happy if people who are not familiar with the subject read this story and I hope I can explain the sometimes very contradictory and paradoxical feelings better than in *My beloved Roger*  
And , of course, there will be humour and romantic kitsch.  
Nothing is as dark as it seems at first sight.  
I am happy about feedback
> 
> Oh, and there`s amother thing:  
This story is Kind of a mix of all I`ve ever written, so you might find some familiar parts and think , ah, I read this before.
> 
> But hey, even in the hundredth story James would look exactly like his dad because it`s simply the truth.  
This author has a massive hair fetish when it comes to certain drummers, so please excuse the permanent *hand in hair*-stuff.

LA, January 2000, Airport.

It`s so good to see JT again. I missed him to no end, even though it took us a while to talk to each other after he left the band.  
Yes, I was offended. I felt betrayed by my best friend for quitting what was once our most important thing in life, the dream we made coming true.  
Deep inside I knew he had to do it, he had to leave or he`d have died.  
His sight is a proof for that. He looks healthier than ever, tanned and slightly muscled, and for the first time in years there`s that adorable, real Nigel-grin that makes his eyes twinkle and his whole face beaming with joy. I`m so happy I could cry!  
“Nicholas!”  
He pulls me in a heartily embrace, placing a noisy kiss on my forehead.  
“Nigel! Goodness!”  
We both cry a little and I don`t want to let him go, I can`t get enough of those arms around me, the smell of his after shave, the subtle note which is simply the long lost pure Eau de Nigel, the first time in years not superimposed by the stale smell of alcohol and the cold sweat of a broken drug addict.  
My Nigel is back, my best friend, my brother, my soulmate! 

“I`m so happy you could make it! What`s the matter with you, are you sick or something? Just one suitcase?” he winks, grabbing the handle of the mentioned luggage.

In the car we never stop talking until we reach his house.  
House is an understatement. Palace, rather.  
Obviously, he didn`t spend all the money on drugs.  
We sit on the terrace and talk, it's like we've never been apart, never angry, never hurt.

At some point, after hours, he grabs my hand.  
"I want to come back! But not alone".

"What does that mean?”

“I want all Taylors, Nick! Rog and Andy. Like back then. I want to start over. A Duran Duran-reunion.”  
In spite of the bright sunshine, I get icy cold.  
John knows everything about me. Everything.  
That I am gay.  
That I like things that most people find repulsive.  
That I like to hurt my lovers if they want me to.  
For years I have dreamed of a fulfilled D/s relationship, he knows that too.  
There is only this one thing, the thing that almost kills me when I think about it, and I often think about it. Damn often. 

“Nick? You look like you`re about to puke! What`s wrong? I thought you`d be happy to hear that!”

“I would... it would be great, John. But it doesn't work.” I can barely speak. I have pictures before my eyes that I have been trying to suppress unsuccessfully for years, I can hear these heavenly noises and I can even smell him. Him. The target of all my dark desires. Still, after all these years. When he left, John, I mean, I yelled at him for wrecking Duran Duran. But that's not true.  
I was the one who destroyed Duran in one night. On that fateful, cruel, wonderful night in July 1985.  
It`s about time telling my best friend that one thing he doesn`t know. 

“What are you talking about? Nick! We'll call them, we'll meet them, we'll...”

“I can't meet him, John. I can never meet him again. I want it more than anything in the world, but I can't.”

“Him? We're not talking about Andy, I guess.”

“No. We don't.” 

“And why the hell wouldn't you be able to meet Roger?”

“Because I want him. Because I had him once and I still want him.”

Philadelphia, July 13th 1985  
We suck. We play in front of thousands of people and we suck. I'm still drunk from the day before. Simon has been fucking around all night, he doesn't hit a single note. John plucks his bass fervently and blissfully smiling, unfortunately totally wrong. Andy's smoker's cough sounds louder than his guitar. Something's wrong with the sound engineering.  
But even if it worked, we would be bad. We are shitty.  
Exactly at the moment when I realize this in all clarity, his gaze hits me. He knows it too and he's probably the only one here on stage other than me who notices it.  
Never before have I seen such a look from him. So full of grief and anger.  
Later in the dressing room, he freaks out. I didn't even know that this quiet, friendly person could yell like that.  
“What happened to you guys? When did you all become such selfish, arrogant assholes? You want to be musicians? You are posers! Coked up, drunk posers. Fuck!”  
With that, he storms out.  
“What's got into him?” John still smiles blissfully and for the first time in my life I feel the urgent need to ram my fist into his face.

Because Roger is right. We weren't musicians up there on stage, we were a bunch of pathetic pin-ups.

I have to look for him. Talk to him. I have to save what we used to be.

I find him in the hotel bar. He's crying with rage.  
Unfortunately, I get a huge erection at the sight of him.

Man, I'm really perverted, aren't I? Crying men turn me on, especially this one. 

His quiet, serene manner has always appealed to me. Still waters run deep, they say./p> 

I shake my head annoyingly. This sick stuff has no place here now!  
“Fuck off, Nick!” he blurts as he is spotting me.  
Just saying that word isn't Roger's style. He really has to be beside himself.

I ignore that and sit next to him.  
Apparently, he already had quite a few drinks.  
“How did this happen, Nick? We were good. We used to be the best. Then the girls came, the drugs and the booze, and you were all kind of freaked out. Even you! Although it's probably not the girls, is it? You are all lying to yourselves, and you most of all! “

I have a cold shiver running down my spine. What does he mean? Does he know anything? I was careful!  
“You're all sick! Each in his own way. The shy Nigel is the king on coke, Simon has become a cocky asshole, Ands has beer for breakfast and you, you… too bad, Nick, so too bad that you're just going to spend your energy beating up men until they bleed! You used to be a genius, you know. Until you devoted too much to your sick shit!"  
Fuck! I'm not comfortable with him knowing, but I'm not going to lie!  
“I can't live without the sick shit, as you call it. I would be grateful if you would announce this a little less loudly. And even though it's none of your fucking business, I'd like to know how you know.”  
“It's not exactly quiet, Nick! Besides, maybe you should make sure that your ....boys, slaves, or whatever you call them, aren't so stupid as to err in the room door when you order them to you.”  
He looks kind of beautiful in his rage. With eyes still wet with tears.  
So real, so unfeigned.  
Not that he would otherwise pretend. He just always seems to take a back seat. 

I like this new furiousness about him.

“I'm very sorry you were disturbed. But my preferences don't concern you!”

“If they break the band, they will! You ruin everything! You only care about your desires. No matter if they are coke, alcohol, women or men! Not long ago the band was all that mattered. I have no more interest in this shit. Something inside of me broke on stage today, Nick. Now go away, I want to get drunk in peace.”  
“Roger…” Carefully I lay a hand on his arm. “You`re right, we were crap tonight. But it was just one gig. We can do better than that.”  
“I can't believe what you're saying! Just one gig! That, Nick Rhodes, was one of the greatest events in music history! And we were allowed to be a part of it and fucked it up! The whole world has seen that we're just a bunch of self-obsessed pretty boys. It's not gonna get any better, Nick.”  
He starts crying again and I feel helpless, helpless and ashamed because his tears turn me on endlessly.  
That`s sick, that is so so so sick, bloody hell!  
I'm doing something really stupid.  
I stroke his hair.  
Strangely enough, he doesn't push me away.  
It even seems to me that he slightly bends his head, somehow agreeing. 

“What do you call them, Nick?”  
“Huh?”  
“The men coming to you, what do you call them? Slaves? The guy who got into my room thinking it`s yours, he introduced himself as slave Bo.”

“I don't want to talk to you about it, Roger, I really don't.”  
“You know what was really weird? He came back to me afterwards. I think he wanted to calm me down, show me that everything was okay. We had a little chat before he went over to your room. He was embarrassed about making a mistake in the door. I asked him why he called himself a slave. He said he needed it to relax, to relieve stress, to feel. And when he came to me afterwards, he looked somehow happy. Totally happy. How is that possible, Nick?”

“I still don't want to talk to you about it. You don't understand!”

“You know, I ...I don't feel like myself right now, I just consist of anger and grief. Bo said pain helps him to be grounded, to let go of grief and anger. I was thinking about banging my head on the counter, but I don't think it's cool. What do you think?”

“You're drunk and angry, go to bed.”

I say that because it's the most sensible thing to do. Inside of me it looks quite different. I can't believe what he's saying. Did he just ask me in a roundabout way to hurt him?  
“Yeah, that's better. I'll go. I'm gonna go, Nick. I wish you all the best, good night.” He slips from the stool, smiles at me and raises his hand waving.  
" Take care, Nick Rhodes!"

He staggers slightly as he walks out of the bar without looking back.

He is already more than 10 minutes gone, until I understand the sense of his words. 

I go. I wish you all the best. Take care, Nick Rhodes.

Fuck, no!

His room is beside mine, what explains why Bo landed there yesterday night. He didn't lock the door, fortunately.  
I stop dead in my tracks. It looks like a bomb went off. His clothes are all on the floor, the open suitcase in between. Roger lies sobbing on the rumpled bed.

“Don't go. Please don't go! We can fix this, Roger, do you hear me? We are good, we are still good!”

“We are not! What am I doing now, Nick? I can't do anything but drumming! I always wanted to drum! You took away my dream, you stupid, selfish idiots!”

“You can't leave! We need you!”

“Bullshit! John needs drugs, Simon needs women, Andy needs beer and cigarettes and you're a fucking gay sadist. None of you need me!”

“Come on, Roger, don't be a self-pity cry baby!”  
He sits up and flashes at me. This rage in the tearstained face makes me take a step back. When he attacks me, I don't have the slightest chance.

“You're a narcissistic arrogant asshole!”  
“And you're a coward! Let's save the band, Roger! We can't do that if you run away!"

"I don't want to save this fucking band. I finally want to be me again! All this shit is destroying me. Save your best friend, save Nigel. I am done.”  
Trembling, he gets up and starts throwing his clothes into the suitcase.  
“Stop it!”  
“Or what? “

Pure adrenalin is racing through my body. I must stop him! I have to make sure he stays here and calms down.  
That's the only reason I run over to my room and get the handcuffs, I swear! I just can't think of anything else and handcuff people quickly before they realize what's going on, I can.  
He hadn`t even noticed my short absence, he kneels in front of the suitcase and still throws things in.  
In a split second I have his wrists cuffed behind his back. I know a few very effective tricks, huh?  
“What the…” He looks at me so bewildered that I have to laugh.

“It really looks good on you.”  
“Very funny! Are you bringing the whip now?”  
“I'm afraid I don't have any.”  
“What kind of pathetic sadomasochist are you? Shouldn't you have a whole collection?” 

“You don't understand what it's about, but that's not the point now. I'm not just letting you go, Roger! “ 

“Eventually you'll have to take those things off again.”

“Yes, when you've calmed down and we can talk about it.”  
“There`s nothing left to talk about. Now stop this bullshit and let me pack.”  
“You're drunk. You shouldn't make hasty decisions!”  
“I`ve been thinking of it for a long time.” He says quietly. “I think I just needed the last push. Because I can't do anything but drum. But I can live from what we have earned. I could go back to school. Learn something useful.”  
“You can't do this!” I want to grab him, shake him, bring him to his senses.

“Drummers are interchangeable. Make sure John doesn't break down on the drugs. Get Simon back on track. That's what you have to do if you want to save the band. It doesn't need me.”  
“YOU! ARE! NOT! INTERCHANGEABLE!!” Something about his behaviour is freaking me out. I don't know that from me and it frightens me. Maybe it's the fact that he considers himself so unimportant or that damn stubbornness. And if I'm completely honest, it turns me on beyond belief that he kneels before me in handcuffs. These feelings confuse me. I am angry and horny, not a good combination. Control is everything. Control is what defines my way of playing. What makes up my sexuality. And that little stubborn son of a bitch is taking it away from me right now.  
I stand right before him and without thinking I tear his head back by the hair. “You fucking coward! Fight! Fight for your dream!”  
“It's not my dream anymore. And I don't want to fight no more. I have been fighting for so long!”  
I want to beat this crap out of him! I would like...

"Shit, Nick, that turns you on, yeah?"  
His face is not far from my crotch and he has a good view of the bump in my pants, whose existence I have just become aware of.

What am I doing? 

Frightened, I let him go, stumble backwards onto the bed and light a cigarette with trembling fingers.  
He's sneering at me.  
"You wanted to hit me!"  
I say "yes" because I'm not lying.  
“Then do it. Maybe it will help both of us. I will go, Nick, there is nothing you can do about that. Hit me if you want. Maybe then I will feel myself again. Maybe it is soothing, as Bo said.”  
“Don't talk such nonsense! You are drunk!”

“Drunk people always tell the truth, they say, don't they? I told you I don't want to fight anymore. Maybe it is nice to give up completely for once. Tomorrow I am gone, Nick. Would be the chance on a unique experience!”  
“I don't hit drunks! Besides, it's not about hitting. It's deeply intimate and it's very...sexual."

"Yes, you can see that!" he chuckles. “So, I was right. You're lying to yourself. Look me in the face and tell me that you don't want it.”

“I want it, but not like that!”

“You won't get it any other way. Now or never.”  
It's wrong. I know it's wrong. I should persuade him to give Duran another chance, persuade him to stay in the band. That is why I am here! 

But he is as beautiful as he kneels there and looks at me in a challenging way. Full of defiance and yet somehow pleading.  
“Prove to me that you really want it.” I hear myself say. It feels unreal, like a dream. A damn good dream.  
He doesn't ask how. He just slips towards me on his knees. 

This sight makes me groan. That's not possible! 

"I am quite nervous, but I want it!” he whispers when he is right in front of me.  
“Can you stroke my hair a little, like in the bar? That was somehow nice.”  
Sighing, he puts his head in my lap.  
Oh. My. God.  
I gently let his hair slide through my fingers. He has beautiful hair. Full and thick, silky, despite the tons of hairspray.  
His hot breath strokes me through the fabric of my pants.  
I am painfully hard and his mouth is only inches away from my erection.  
I can't stand it! 

"Get up," I say.  
He does, despite having his hands tied on his back, despite being drunk. 

I open his belt buckle. 

"What are you doing?”

“I take off your trousers.” 

“You shall hit me, not...”

“I won't touch your cock unless you want me to. I'm gonna spank your ass. The naked ass, if you don't mind. It's no fun with clothes.”  
That's not a bad thing, is it? Just a little spanking. It's totally harmless. It's not even gonna hurt much. It's not an evil, sinister SM game, not what I usually do

I would never have thought what that would lead to.  
The moment Roger's bare-assed over my lap, I'd have to stop it. It does too much to me. I have no control. But I can`t. Too beautiful is the feeling of his weight on me, too beautiful is this willingly held up ass.  
“Say Duran and I'll stop! When you scream and cry, I just keep going because it turns me on. You have to say Duran, understand? I will not listen to anything else.”  
“How very profound, Nick! I don't want to save Duran, but Duran has to save me," he says with biting irony and I have all my fuses blown out. 

I wanted to start slowly, but he makes me angry! It makes me angry that he makes stupid jokes about it. I grab his hair again and brutally pull his head up.

“You think this is a joke, don't you? You know what? I make you say it! I will hurt you so much that you will beg me to stop! Remember, you have to say it!” 

And then my palm lands on his skin for the first time. I'm not holding back.

He doesn't make a sound, and that makes me even angrier! As if out of my senses, I'll hit him.  
Not a sound, not a single sound!  
I push him away and reach for his trousers on the floor, pull out his belt.  
“Is that all you got?” He's yelling at me and I'm freaking out.  
Subs don't have to yell!

A small voice in the back of my head notes that Roger is not a sub, not one of my playmates, but the banging of the belt on his skin silences it.  
Finally! A scream!  
That's what I want to hear.  
I hit his thighs because it hurts more, I even pull the leather over his back.  
Sobbing, he lies on his stomach, his head buried in the pillow.

I should stop, I really should stop.  
But he doesn't say it, does he? He howls and screams, but he does not say it!  
That stubborn son of a bitch!  
And he's beautiful, so beautiful how he suffers! I think I have never seen anything more beautiful! This strong, tough guy, how he howls and screams. I promised I wouldn't touch him, but I don't care anymore. Let him say the word! Then I will stop! 

I pull up his head again and push two fingers into his mouth.  
"Make them wet!” 

He probably doesn't know why, but he sucks my fingers well.  
Good boy. Submissive.  
Could that be? Or is he just too drunk?  
I can`t do this, fuck, he`s drunk! You don't do that with drunk people.  
But I want him so bad! And he said now or never!  
Now or never. All or nothing.  
He moans quietly when I carefully penetrate him with one finger.  
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What am I doing here? I'm raping him! He is not gay. He's probably never had anything in his ass! 

Bullshit. He just has to say the word!  
But maybe he forgot!  
"Roger! You remember what you have to say, right? If you want me to stop."

Slowly he turns his head. His gaze touches my deepest core, my soul. My heart. In this moment I fall in love. Immortal. Painful.  
“I don't want you to stop. Please. Don`t stop!”  
“Do you like it?” It's supposed to sound condescending, but it just sounds disbelieving and insecure.  
That night a dream comes true.

I'm not taking Roger to his limits, I'm not making him say the word. 

It is he who brings me to mine.  
Who'd have thought? That Roger Taylor is a deeply submissive, extremely masochistic person.  
We fall asleep sometime at dawn, snuggled together. Roger wears his belt around his neck and I hold the end firmly in my hand.  
When I wake up, he's gone. I won't see him again for almost 15 years.

LA, January 2000  
“You are kidding!” John blurts.  
“No, Sir, unfortunately I`m not!”  
“That`s totally sick, Nick Rhodes! How could you! He was a newly- wed!”  
“You want to give me a lecture on morality, John? You of all people? “  
“You`re right, excuse me! It`s just…”  
“Hard to imagine?”  
“Fucking hard to imagine!”  
“Don`t mention *fuck* and * hard* in my presence, John.” I grin even though I don`t feel like grinning at all.  
“Goodness, Nicholas James Bates! You will never fail to surprise me! But let me tell you something. I don`t care what you did almost 15 years ago. That's up to you. Find Roger and ask him to come back.”

“I can't do that, Nigel!”

“Don't be silly! I thought you were so dominant. But you're acting like a coward right now.”

“You don't understand that!”

“Then explain it to me.”

“It was perfect. Those few hours were just perfect. Since then I've been trying to find something like that, but I don't succeed. He's the one, John, but I can't have him. I can't play with him in a band anymore. I can't!”

“I`ll come with you. It`s so long ago, Nick! Let's at least try it!” John Taylor can be very convincing. And although the thought of seeing Roger again gives me stomach ache, I agree.  
I owe that to my best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Nick and John find Roger

London, April 2000  
We can`t find him.  
Except for a little announcement about his divorce, he doesn`t seem to exist anymore.  
We have even hired a private investigator.  
John has been living with me in London for a month, together with Gela, his wife. 

I'm beginning to get really worried.

We're sitting at dinner when Johnson calls, the detective.  
"I got a hint. He's supposed to be in a club, but they won't let me in. It's a gay club, for the leather guys, if you understand.”

A gay club. For the leather guys. Oh yes, I understand!  
“What's the name of the club?”

“Chains, it is located in …”

“I know where, thank you!”

John and Gela look at me questioningly, but I'm already on my way into the bedroom. I have to go to this club. They'll let me in, I've been a member for a long time. I haven't been there for ages, but I am a member.  
There is a strict dress code, so I have to dress up. Leather, of course.  
John follows me and watches me rummaging through my closet for a while.  
“Has he found him?”  
“Could be. He got a tip.”  
“Then let`s go! I can't believe you're worried about your clothes now!” 

“It's an SM club, John. He thinks Roger is in an SM club! I don't think you want to go there.”  
“I won't let you go alone. Besides, that's certainly not true, Roger is not the type for... oh! Oh fuck!”

“Yes, oh fuck, exactly! You don't want to see that, John, believe me! Please call me a taxi.”  
“That's good, isn't it, Nick? He's divorced, he's in an SM club, that's good, maybe you two can, I don't know… get back together.”  
“Good? What the hell should be good about that? Probably he's getting whipped by some disgusting guy, or ...oh God, I don't want to think about it! That's not good, John!”

“Now calm down. Did you think that he lives somewhere alone in the mountains and is waiting for you to release him from his loneliness? That he apparently visits gay clubs is something good, Nick! It means you have a chance not only to get a band mate back!”

“How do you figure that, John? Do you think I can just hold him in my arms and we'll pick up where we left off 15 years ago? “

“I don't know if that's possible, Nicholas, but I know you're wishing for it. So, throw yourself in your harness and get him back!”  
“You think I would wear a harness? Goodness, John! This would look so ridiculous that all subs would immediately throw themselves on the floor, but with laughter! Ah, there it is! Shit, hopefully I'll fit in there! I haven't worn this in so long! Are you laughing at me, Nigel?”  
“You should see yourself, Nick! You're as nervous as the virgin on the first date.”  
The stupid thing is, he's right. I am nervous. And yes, I wish we could just ...I wish he still wanted me. But that's naive. Why would he want that? He could have had it back then, but he ran away, just like that, without a word, without a message. Not even a *it was nice, but I have to go, I'm married*, nothing. How could he do that after those hours? After those wonderful, intense, incredible hours?

It's not like you fought for him, says the little nasty voice in my head. You didn't even try. You just let him go.

“Long time no see!” the doorman greets me. "Is the handsome guy your slave?"  
"No, this is my best friend. He absolutely wanted to come with me.” I sigh. I'm not too happy about John being here.  
“Ok, then. You know the rules. Have fun!”  
We go straight to the bar and I literally have to drag John along, because he is so stunned by what he sees.  
“Do they fuck? Right there on the table? Goodness!”  
“Shut up, John! Sit down there, don`t move, don`t talk to anyone!”  
“Is that a tail? Look! A dog, he even has a tail! How is it fixed?”

"Please, John, be quiet! That's a plug. It's stuck in his ass! I warned you! I told you, you didn't want to see that! Wait here, I'll go find Roger!”  
I can't find him. And frankly, I'm a little glad about that. When I come back to the bar, John is very excited to talk to a naked man.  
A very attractive naked man.

"Nick! That's Robert! Robert, Nick! Robert says Roger's here."  
"Yes, unfortunately. If Roger is here, I have no chance with Enrique! And he's a true master of flagellation!"

"What's that again?" John wonders.  
“Beating people up, Nigel. Flagellation is an umbrella term for hitting. With whips, canes, paddles, all that stuff. Where`s Roger, then?”  
“Upstairs, in one of the lockable rooms. Roger doesn`t like an audience. A pity, if you ask me. He' s so beautiful! Too bad that he doesn't switch!”  
My heart stumbles alarmingly.  
So, Roger's just being beaten up by a master of flagellation. Great.  
"Do you know Roger better?" I ask naked Robert.

“Sometimes we chat a bit. I like him, he's really nice. Such nice people are rare here. But he never stays very long."

“Does he often come here?”

“Once or twice a week. He asks for Enrique or Ron, then they go upstairs. Enrique says he doesn't know anyone who can take so much. And that means something! Back there is Ron, by the way. He knows Roger better than I do. I think they go running together.”

Ron. The other guy Roger gets beaten up by! Once or twice a week.

"Hey, Ron!" Robert shouts.

Strangely enough, I like the man at first sight. He's tall and blond, very strong, and he has a friendly laugh.  
"Wow, incredible! You picked a really funny place to meet again, boys! I'm right in assuming you're looking for your drummer, aren't I? It is a joy for me to get to know you! Roger talks so much about you. I've been telling him for years that he should get in touch, but he's such a stubborn thing. May I buy you a drink? Of course, without alcohol for the other Taylor. Roger will be busy for a while, I`m afraid.”  
Fuck, I like him! Even though he's beating up Roger. He is so wonderfully honest and open. And he seems to really like Roger. He's a friend. Not Dom. Not his Dom, at least. Thank goodness!  
“Roger talks about us a lot, huh? That's nice!” John beams. “Drinks would be great, man! Water for me, Nick needs something strong, I guess. Vodka, Nicholas?”

“Robert, be so kind and sit down with John over at the lounge area, please. If you don`t mind, John! I have to talk to Nick, yeah?” Ron says calmly when we got the drinks.  
“So, you know!” I say straight out. “About us. About what happened almost 15 years ago!”  
“Every little dirty detail, I guess. Let me be honest, Nick Rhodes. I should hate you! I was hoping that it could be more, you know, Roger and me. But, as I said before, he is such a stubborn thing, our dear Roger, isn`t he? I don't like my boys so stubborn, so maybe it's a good thing it didn't work out with us. With me they have to obey. It is hard to imagine that he can do that! Well. I should hate you, which I don't do. But I want to know why you are here.”

"We want to ask him if he will come back. To the band.”

“That's all?”  
“No.” I sigh, “I`m afraid it`s not.”  
“I see.” He nods. “You know what's really funny? About a year ago Bert, that's the doorman, told me you were here, I told Roger. We've been coming here ever since. Was his idea. That`s all I`m telling you, ok? And another thing. This little son of a bitch didn't want to be my sub, unfortunately, but he became my best friend. Speaking of best friends, I didn't think John was part of our scene.”

“He's not. He just didn't want to let me go alone.”

“That is impressive!” 

I confess, I don't listen properly anymore. Ron just let me understand that Roger is coming here for me. I could have found him a year ago! But I didn't want to do it then, did I? I'm not even sure if I want it now.

I do not know this man next to me at all, yet I say  
“I'm scared, Ron. I don't know what to feel. I am afraid to meet him. 15 years is a damn long time.”  
“That's right. A long time in which a lot has happened. One marriage, three children, the incredible courage to admit to yourself that something that happened years ago was so incredibly intense that you can't forget it. To tell your wife. To manage to break up and stay friends despite everything.”  
“Three kids?” Ron's killing me! With every word he says, he makes me realize that I have a chance. That Roger never forgot me. I have to change the subject. Besides, I didn`t know Roger has kids. I shouldn't be surprised, but the fact that he's a father touches me deeply. 

“Yeah, great kids. I am the godfather of the youngest. Elliot. A gorgeous little guy. He will be four in November. Ellea is eight, James is thirteen. My son goes to the same school with him, so we got to know each other. I'm afraid I'm a little bit to blame for Roger finally ending up here. When we met, I had a sub.  
We invited Roger and Giovanna to dinner and although we were really very discreet, Roger figured that out after a few minutes. He didn't mention it for weeks, and at some point, he stood in front of my door and asked me in all seriousness if I would beat him up. Of course, I refused. A principle of mine. Not with married men. That only brings trouble! Besides, I liked Gio, I still like her, but you know what I mean, right? Well, as you can imagine I had quite a few questions and we ended blind drunk in my living room. At three in the morning I knew your story. For a year, we pretended it never happened. We went running together, to football with our boys, we met for dinner. Then Tim left me. For a woman, can you imagine that? Honestly, man, I really loved that little scumbag, you know? Enough said, I've already told you too much anyway. Another drink?”  
“Gladly, thank you.”  
“Let`s go over to Robert and John.”  
“Yeah. Is it allowed to smoke in here? I can`t remember.” Actually, I quit smoking long ago, but right now I need a cigarette.  
“There`s a smoker`s lounge, go straight, turn left.”  
With a beating heart I stand between a bunch of very weird people. The dog is here. Since when do dogs smoke? So much for realistic role-playing.  
Two little fat men looking like Danny De Vito doubles. Although Danny De Vito probably rarely walks around naked.  
Quite a lot of naked men in here. Zorro is there, too. Personally, I don't really think much of these disguises, I don't need them. But to each his own.  
I'll see Roger again! Here!  
Of all places here.  
Roger is getting whipped right now.  
We only had one belt back then. And my hands. I hurt him very much with these hands.  
But we also stroked each other. Kissed. Fucked.  
After the pain, does he allow this Enrique to fuck him? Like he had allowed me?  
Nervous, I light another cigarette. I have to calm down. I know, It`s not very nice to leave JT alone for so long, but Ron is there, and Robert.  
“Hey!” one of the Danny De Vitos is grinning at me. “May I have an autograph, Nick Rhodes?”  
“Sure, but where and with what?” I chuckle.  
“Here you go.”  
A tall handsome man, who I hadn't noticed before, hands me a pen. We even find a beer mat.  
"So, you're Nick." The man has a broad Spanish accent. He's looking at me from almost black eyes, it looks like he's scanning me. Somehow uncomfortable, as if he had to think about whether I was friend or foe.  
Apparently, he decides for the first and holds out a hand. “Enrique.”  
I'm struggling for composure. I'm not going to be blasted in front of this man!  
“Nick, as you already know.”  
Enrique throws a quick glance on his watch, then smiles broadly at me.  
“Looks like the 40th birthday of a common friend is going to be special, huh? 2 hours to go. Ron sends me, He thought you might like to say hello to our mutual friend. Roger doesn't know you're here yet, by the way, and he hasn't seen the other one, John, either. I think Ronny wants to have a little reunion surprise show, he's into something like that.”  
I forgot his birthday! For the first time in all those years I forgot his birthday! Forty, goodness! He was 25 when I last saw him! We weren't even really adults, sheltered like we all grew up.  
“¡Tienes miedo, qué dulce!” Enrique chuckles.  
“Whatever you say!”  
“You are nervous, huh?”  
“Yes, man!”  
“Come, let`s have a smoke together!”  
Third cigarette in 20 minutes after almost 5 years of non-smoking. Two vodka shots. I'm telling myself that the dull feeling in my stomach comes from it. And why do I talk to people who beat up Roger all the time and find them nice?  
I only see Roger from behind at first, yet I recognize him immediately. He sits between Ron and naked Robert at the bar.  
I want to go to him, I want…  
Enrique`s hand lands heavily on my arm.  
“Don`t ruin the show for Ron! He loves such kitsch, honestly! I'll show you a place where we can watch and listen inconspicuously!”

To be honest, I don't really feel like this nonsense. I finally want to look him in the eye. I need to know if I can find what I found there 15 years ago. Whether it is still there.  
Nevertheless, I let him drag me away into a corner. Now I see Roger from the front. I even can hear him talking. Well, I would, if he`d say something. But he just sits there grinning ecstatically, a little like Nigel on coke. 

"I guess he's still flying a little. I'm sorry!” 

“You're not sorry at all, Enrique.”

“That's true. I just wanted to be polite. Shall I tell you about it?”

“No, thank you.”

“Just so you know, there is nothing going on between us. We sometimes give each other what we need, that is all. We challenge each other, you know? This is really exciting. Not a bit submissive, the man.”  
I experienced it differently, quite differently! But perhaps this wonderful gift, the ability to surrender completely, has disappeared over the years. Maybe life has made him hard and numb, maybe...

John approaches Roger from behind and taps him on the shoulder. I hold my breath.  
He turns.  
God. That look on his face. Infinite astonishment, then pure joy. Then I hear him. It's a strange mixture between a sob and a laugh. He slips off the bar stool. John lifts him up and whirls him around laughing.  
"Shit, man! Roger! I don't believe it! It's so good to see you!" 

For a short moment we are not in a gay SM club. For a moment the environment doesn't matter. Also, not what happened between us. They are Roger and John, the bass player and drummer, the best rhythm section the world has ever seen.  
But then Roger apparently becomes aware of where they are. 

“Do I want to know how you found me here, John Taylor?”

“I didn't find you, the private investigator found you. Where have you been hiding, man?”  
“Private investigator? No shit? And how did you get in here? Did you bribe Bert?”

“You have a lot of questions!” Nigel grins.  
“Are you surprised?”  
“No. So yes, a private detective, no shit. And I didn't bribe anyone, I know a member of this funny club. You probably remember my best friend, don't you? This small, blond, well, mostly blond with the very green eyes and the very deep voice? This control-addicted little perfectionist?” he winks.  
“It's your turn.” Enrique whispers beside me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Roger bows his head

“Nick is here?” Roger`s voice is trembling a wee bit.  
I take a step towards him. Another one.  
As if he sensed my presence, he turns.  
His eyes meet mine.   
I see it in an instant. It`s still there. All and everything are still there, in those gentle brown eyes.  
He starts to smile, very carefully, insecurely.  
God, he is so beautiful!   
"What the hell are you doing here, Nick Rhodes?"  
There's still half a yard between us. None of us is moving.  
“You're not interchangeable, Roger Taylor. Not in any way.”  
“Well, Steve Ferrone, Sterling Campbell and Joe Travers must see it differently. But I'm really glad you managed to save the band. Even without any Taylor. Although your bass player, Wesley, isn't half as good as John. But I have to admit that Warren is a really gifted guitarist. The last show I`ve seen last year at Earl`s court, was brilliant. And who would have thought that Simon, of all people Simon, had found his eternal love?”  
“Would you be so kind as to stop talking for a second? Did you listen? You are not exchangeable! My goodness, you are still the same stubborn mule as you were then!”  
“You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here, Nick?” 

“I'm doing what I should have done 15 years ago. I get you back.”

“And who says that I want that?”

“Everything about you says that you want that!”

“Still the same narcissistic asshole!”  
“Yes. And I still want to stroke your hair! Please!”

In a split second he`s in my arms. I don`t mind where we are, I don`t care that I`m crying. I just want to hold him. I don't know how it will go on, if it will go on at all, but at this moment, with Roger in my arms, everything is imaginable.

Stroking him, kissing him, fucking him, beating him. Everything.  
I want him to be mine.  
I'll enjoy a few more minutes, then I'll let him go.  
“I forgot your birthday.”  
“It's not my birthday yet.”  
“I haven't thought about it, that`s weird, because I always think about it. You know why? “  
“How should I know?”  
“Tatjana always says I should be a Taurus.”  
“And who`s Tatjana?”  
“My daughter.”  
“Will you explain to me how a gay man can have a daughter?”  
"The gay man tried for a while not to be gay. Not as long as you, I would like to note at this point.”  
“It wasn't the gay thing I denied in the first place, Nick.”  
“I know.” It happens by itself; I don't even think about it- My fingers comb through his hair.  
Probably just as subconsciously he bends his head.  
“How old is Tatjana?” he asks quietly.   
“13. She`s gonna be 14 in August. Maybe they should meet sometime, Tatjana and James, what do you think?”  
We both know what's behind this question. May I participate in your life? 

“The children will come by tomorrow to celebrate my birthday. Come, too, if you want. Please excuse me for a moment, I have a few things in the kitchen. For my birthday.”  
Only now I stop to comb his hair.  
“Don't run away!” he winks with a smile.  
When I turn to the bar, I find them all staring. Ron, Enrique, naked Robert, Nigel, even the dog guy.  
“What?” I wonder.  
“I've changed my mind, I hate you!” Ron grins.  
“¡Mierda! ¿Has visto eso?”  
“Fuck, Rico, stop talking in Spanish! Of course, we saw that, we`re not blind, huh?” Robert blurts.  
“When did I allow you to call me Rico?”   
“Are you aware that you're acting really weird?” I chuckle as I join them, ordering another vodka.  
“I think you're more unaware of what just happened! You touched his hair and he didn't freak out. I reached in once, you know, to pull his head back. He bit me, the little son of a bitch.” Ron says.  
“That's nothing! I just wanted to stroke him, calm him down. It was a heavy session, huh? He kicked my balls!” Enrique laughs.  
And John, who has no idea about all this SM stuff, says quietly:   
“I have rarely seen anything more loving than that.”  
My oh so logical brain refuses to attach too much importance to the whole thing, but my heart performs a happy somersault.

This is without a doubt the strangest birthday party I've ever been to. A dog, Zorro and naked Danny de Vitos.  
A Spanish man in a tailor-made leather suit, Ron in a leather kilt. In between Nigel, who talks to the dog guy.  
And the birthday boy. Roger. Hard to believe that he turns forty. Robert said he`s beautiful, and Robert is ever so right. I just can't take my eyes off him.  
All this still feels totally unreal.  
This place, these people, this radiantly beautiful man. He is like then and yet completely different. More relaxed. More muscular. The shy boy of that time, who he was even at the age of 25, has become a very self-confident man. Nevertheless, he has not lost this gentleness, this delightful vulnerability. That which makes people like me want to protect him and hurt him all at once.  
“You will start drooling at any minute, Rhodes!” Ron elbows me.  
“I was just thinking how strange it is to want to stroke and hit someone at the same time.”

“That's the way we are. There is nothing that doesn't exist. Look at Miles!”

“Who is Miles?”

“The dog. Miles just likes to be a dog, and here he can be a dog. Nobody has to understand that, it's just the way it is. He is a history professor at Oxford University. If someone finds out, he's done. Nevertheless, he always comes here when he is in London. Because he can't help it. He sometimes wants to be a dog, as ridiculous as the rest of humanity may find it. Or Enrique. He`s married, he worships his wife, he kisses the floor she walks on. There are probably few husbands who are more loving, few fathers who love their children so idolatrously. He would never beat a woman in his life, so he beats men. He is not gay, not even bi. He just likes to beat men. And our Robert, that cute little thing. He loves to be naked. He loves to be used in every possible way and he doesn't really care who does it. He's the boss of a big company, he commands people around all day. A person of Authority. And then there's this brave guy who's celebrating his birthday today. For a long time, he tried to be someone he was not. He was always strong for everyone, but he would like to be weak so much. Today he bowed his proud head to someone for the first time. Well, for the second time, I suppose. I think you're not really aware of it, but that was the most submissive thing I've ever seen him do.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Roger talks tacheles

A little later, Roger sits next to me. We have so much to talk about, but this is probably not the right place.

Not for those intimate things I'd like to ask him. I would prefer to be alone with him for that.  
“You really hired a private investigator to find me? I feel honoured!” I can't help but notice that he's keeping a certain distance.

“And it took him almost three months to find you! Why are you hiding?”  
“I'm not hiding at all. Not anymore, at least. In the beginning, yes. I just didn't want to talk to any reporters. I had to think about what to do with my life. I went back to school, went to college. We lived in Gloucestershire for a while. It would take three weeks to tell you about the last 14 years, Nick. So, let me just sum it up. At first, I deliberately hid. Then no one was interested in the former drummer of Duran Duran any more. From then on, I just tried to be normal. I tried to be a good husband, a good father.”

“I am sure you are a wonderful father.” I'd like to comfort him, take him in my arms, but somehow, I know he wouldn't want that now. The distance between us is intentional.  
I think he needs to get something off his chest. Something he needs that distance for.  
“I hope so. I wasn't a good husband, anyway. I cheated on my wife when I was not even married for a year. With a man. A friend. Someone I've always admired. This man has disappointed me beyond words. I was so angry. Angry, sad and pretty drunk. Then this man did something very strange. He handcuffed me and told me to calm down. And lo and behold, I calmed down. I knelt in a fucking hotel room in fucking Philadelphia and knew we fucked up, but I calmed down. More than that. I've never felt so peaceful in my life, I've never felt myself so much in my life.”

I have to sit on my hands not to touch him. I don't even dare to breathe. I must not interrupt him, every word, every movement, every touch would disturb him now.  
“Paradoxically, I wanted to feel even more. Somehow, I knew that anything was possible in this state. I asked him to hit me, I didn't want him to notice how much...how much I longed for it, so I pretended to be cool. But then... I flew away. I can't describe it any other way. I flew. I was weightless. I cried my eyes out, I raved myself hoarse. I crawled around on the floor with a fucking belt around my neck. I got fucked! From a man, in the ass! And I came about 5 million times. And I knew that was it! That's what I want! Always!”  
With every word he has become louder, there is this rage again. I know that everyone here listens to him. Nobody interrupts.  
"I fell asleep with my belt around my neck, and I felt so infinitely secure. So loved. I never wanted it any other way again! And then I woke up and remembered, oh, Roger, you stupid moron, you are married! Congratulations! This was a lousy time to show me who I am, Nick! A very lousy time! I tried to hate you for what you did to me, then I just wanted to forget. But that didn't work! I still have that fucking belt, you know that? And sometimes, when I can't sleep, I put it around my neck..." He pauses, looks around confused. Now he realises that we are not alone.   
"Don't worry about the others, Roger!” I say gently. “Are you finished?”  
He nods slowly. His face is flaming red, what was rage in the beginning is now burning shame.

“Look at me. There's nobody here, we're all alone, you hear?” I cup his lovely face with my palms. I shouldn't have done it, you're right. I wanted to stop a hundred times, but I just couldn't. Because I have always wished for that. Because it was perfect. Because you are perfect. I never found that again, never again! I'm sorry I left you alone with it. Please forgive me.”  
“There's nothing to forgive. I ran away because I was too cowardly. How could you have known all this? I just wanted to get rid of it. And apart from the fact that I have made a complete idiot of myself, it really helped. I probably should have waited till we were alone. I'm almost as good at the lousy timing as you are. Do you think it would be very rude to disappear from your own birthday party? I am ashamed to death right now and would like to leave!”  
“I think it's your birthday and you can do whatever you want on your birthday. Would you like to meet John's wife?”

“John has a wife? How many times has John been married?”  
“John is sitting here and hears every word, just saying! It`s the second. And you're damn lucky good old John's here because one of you is drunk and the other has no license. Come on, guys, let's go!”  
Nobody stops us, nobody makes one stupid spell. I really like these people.

“This is where you live? Seriously? How long have you lived here?” Roger looks up the apartment building.

“Over ten years. Why?”

“Because if you go straight ahead a bit and then turn left, that's where I live. Let me tell you something, your detective sucks.”

“Oh, why? I am very grateful to this man! I don't know about you, but I had a hell of a funny evening!” John chuckles. “I just talked to a dog for hours and had a really lively conversation about antistatic floor coverings. I think I like gay perverts. When are we going back there? Bert surely lets me in again, he called me handsome!”  
“Bert asked if you were my slave, John!”  
“Well, that'd be fun! When I kneel down, we are at least almost the same size!”  
I love John for that lightness. He knows me like no other and he is sensitive enough to know that we need this lightness now, Roger and I. 

After all, Roger has just completed a soul striptease at its finest.  
And to be honest, I'm shocked by the realization that we're neighbours, so to speak.  
But what's really getting to me is the fact that Roger's present is driving me crazy. Or rather, this constant alternation of closeness and distance. Did he just tell the whole thing to get rid of it? Or was he saying that he wanted me back? He's doing it again, he's taking control away from me. I can't think straight anymore.  
Gela is of course still awake, she is much too curious to sleep.  
"Did you find him?" she shouts from the living room as we enter the apartment.  
“Yes, and we brought him along right away, darling!”  
“You can't do this! Really, guys, it's totally ruthless! I'm lying here in my pyjamas on the sofa, how am I supposed to face the fabulous Roger?”

“He doesn't give a shit what you look like, Gela. He's gay!"

“Great. And when he sees me, he knows exactly why!”   
“Are they always like this?” Roger grins.  
“Yes. They've been living here for a month and I feel like I'm in a slapstick comedy.”

“I heard that, Bates!”  
“Rhodes, please, Nash! “  
“Taylor! You should know! You were at the wedding

“I wasn't. I was not invited.”  
“You were invited! You didn't come. Because you're a stubborn asshole.”  
A very tousled Gela in pink floral pyjamas comes around the corner.  
“So, you're Roger. My pleasure. I`m Gela.”  
“The pleasure`s all mine! Is that really true, Nick wasn`t at your wedding? Why so?”  
“Oh, he was offended because his beloved Nigel left him. But they loved each other so much, they got along again. And now I'd like a full report on how tonight went.”  
“Go in the living room, I'll make some coffee.” I say and seconds later I almost drop the coffee pot.  
“Why didn`t you go to the wedding?”  
“Goodness, Roger! Don`t sneak up on me like that! He left, I was offended, like Gela said. And then they were two, no Taylors left.”  
“He left in 97. The wedding was 99. Don't tell me you've been fighting so long.”  
“How do you know? You said you didn`t know John is married!”  
“Did you seriously think I didn't care what you were doing? I didn't know anything about your daughter, but otherwise...so, did you fight for so long?”

“We didn't argue, we just didn't talk to each other anymore. He said he wanted to go to America. I was very angry. And sad, of course. That he had to leave I understood much later. He had to get out of this swamp here, away from the dealers who know him, the so-called friends. But at first, I only saw that he was destroying our life's work. Today I think maybe he'd be dead by now if he hadn't left.”  
“He's fine now, isn't he? He looks good. And he is not drinking anymore.”  
“No alcohol, no cocaine, no whatever else. Sit down, you are making me nervous! You know, a very wise drummer once told me that I have to save Nigel if I want to save the band. But Nigel had to save himself.”

“See? So much for wise drummers!”

“You're doing it again! “  
“What am I doing?”  
“Underestimate yourself! That made me terribly angry back then. That nobody needs you, that you are exchangeable, all that.*

“The only person who really needed me was Giovanna, and I betrayed her. No, Nick, don't say anything! I cheated on her, that's a simple fact. Musically you have proven for 15 years that it works perfectly without me. What`s left, then? If you want to mention what happened between the two of us, I kindly remind you that less than 24 hours earlier a slave Bo stood in my room. That's the fifth I've counted since I realized what you're doing. And now you can tell me again who needs me and where I'm not interchangeable.  
I don't underestimate myself, Nick. I am merely realistic.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to come from perverted to super kitschy
> 
> ( I`m sorry! I just can`t do without !)

I have to hold on to the kitchen counter and take a deep breath. It's time to tell him everything, even if it may be too early, if it will cause even more damage. But first I have to calm down.  
“We have to talk, Roger. I`ll go and tell John that we need privacy. Do you want to stay here or should we go into my bedroom? This isn't supposed to be a clumsy flirting attempt. It would simply be more comfortable than in the kitchen. I want you to understand me. It would be really important to me. There are so many misunderstandings, I would really like to sort things out, ok? Maybe it`s a bit too late after 15 years or too soon after the few hours we've seen each other again. But it's been driving me crazy all evening. So, would you stay a little longer and talk to me, please?”

“I was hoping we could talk, Nick. I would like to stay in the kitchen, if you don`t mind.”  
That's a clear reprimand, a request for distance. But he wants to talk, that`s the most important thing.  
John and Gela of course have full understanding, and so we sit in the kitchen with coffee and champagne. After all, it's Roger's birthday.  
“Live Aid. You were right, one of the biggest events in music history.”  
“And we were lousy. I think that was the worst gig we've ever had. Just there, in front of millions of TV viewers. You can't hit it any worse! I wish I'd dug a hole and crawled in. You were the only one who at least noticed, Nick.”  
“If I hadn't been up all night and drunk before, I would have prevented us from going on stage at all. John was totally coked up and Simon couldn't even talk. Plus, the broken sound system. We shouldn't have gone on stage! But I was too tired to notice that because I...you know, Enrique actually got to the point.”  
“Enrique? What does Enrique have to do with Live Aid?”  
“Nothing. But with the night before, with Bo”  
“Slave Bo, please! That`s very important for him!” I'm ignoring Roger's spiteful tone of voice. I don't want to argue now.  
“Bo might like to be a slave, he probably needs that because the thought turns him on. He's an actor. Most people who pretend to be subs or slaves are actors. They play a role, nothing more. That's totally okay, there's nothing wrong with that. It's like Enrique said today. You give each other what you need, no more, no less. It was the same with Bo, and with those before Bo. I had hoped it could be more. Or become more. But it quickly became clear that it was not and would not be more. I was frustrated and sad, I felt once again confirmed in the belief that what I wanted did not exist at all. So, I got drunk. It was always just a part of the whole. Sometimes a bigger, sometimes a smaller, but always only a part, I wanted everything, you know? I knew there was such a thing. I knew people who had such a relationship. I wanted a relationship, not a quick meeting in some hotel room, but when you're 23 years old and playing in one of the most famous bands in the world, it's pretty difficult. It's difficult enough if you don't have any special preferences. But as a gay sadist with a pronounced compulsion to control...no chance. Then this Band Aid-Disaster…Roger, are you laughing at me?”  
“A gay sadist with a pronounced compulsion of control! I don't think I've heard a more accurate self-description in my entire life!” He's laughing so hard he's crying. That is beautiful. And for once I mean the laughter, not the tears.  
“Be warned! I'm really sick, you know? Tears make me horny”  
“Oh, really? I already knew that. And I think I even know why. You say most of them are actors. Really good actors can even fake tears, but usually tears are real. You cry when you don't have room inside for your feelings. When the feelings are so strong that they need a valve. Screaming also works and sometimes it`s laughing, but when it gets really intense, there's always tears flowing.”  
“You cried a lot, back then.” I say quietly.  
“It was a hell of a lot of feeling.” His eyes dart into mine and it’s all in there. That's the look, that's how he looked at me 15 years ago when he turned his head and said, "I don't want you to stop.”  
Oh, fuck all that bullshit! I want him! I am totally in love with this man. Why do I have to beat about the bush for so long?  
It's been fifteen years, so what?  
We met again only a few hours ago? Fuck it!  
He's sitting here now, and he's beautiful and I have to risk it!  
“I repeat, you are not interchangeable. Not for me. You made my dream come true for a few hours and I want you back. Forever You are the one. You are the whole!”

“You know what, Nicholas?” he starts, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I never cry. And nobody is allowed to touch my hair. I go there twice a week, to Chains, and I get beaten up. I scream like a lunatic, but I am not crying. I am the one who never cries. That's what they call me there. The one who never cries. Sounds like a movie with Kevin Costner, doesn't it? I kicked Enrique so hard in the balls the other day that he almost couldn't walk anymore. Because he wanted to stroke me, because he touched my hair. Fuck, Nick! Where the hell have you been so long?"  
I'll drag him to me. By the hair. That wonderful hair! Our chairs tip over and we land hard on the floor. Our lips crash together so violently it bleeds. I have no idea if it's my blood or his.  
“I wish I could eat you!” I gasp.  
“Do it! Whatever you want, do it!”  
Both hands buried in his hair I suck on his lips, bite gently and his mouth opens to let me in.  
It's been so long since I kissed anyone, kissed a lover, I almost forgot what an excellent sensual feeling it is to feel lips on one's own, to explore a warm mouth with a tongue. Funny, isn't it? Others start slowly and increase, we're doing a full stop here. What began with a bloody lip becomes something gentle and tender.   
Roger purrs and moans in my mouth like a cat in heat. I lie half on top of him and this firm, warm body just feels fantastic. Only hesitantly I loosen my fingers from his hair. I want to feel naked skin, but the loss of this silky touch is still regrettable. I let my hands slide under his shirt.  
My goodness, I have never touched such hard abs! I have to take a look.  
“That`s a whole lot of muscles, handsome I thought back then that you looked pretty hot, but that's no comparison to today! Let me look at you! Take off your shirt.”

“I don't really want you to see this.”

“You don't want me to look at your beautiful body?”

“I don't want you to see what Enrique did to that body.”  
The master of flagellation. I completely forgot.  
“Are you ashamed? Don`t be. No matter what he did, you wanted it.” My hand is in his hair yet again.  
“I`m not ashamed. Well, a wee bit, perhaps. It's just... it was very intense. I don't want you to think I always need it that way.”  
We sit up to lean against the kitchen unit and it is only natural that he puts an arm around me. A strong, protective arm that I love to cuddle up to. We don't play roles. I am not the evil Dom here, and he is not a submissive slave. We are simply ourselves, glad to be so close to each other.  
“I don`t think that. I know what it`s like if you're looking for something and can't find it. You think the harder it is, the more you'd feel. But that doesn't work, does it?”  
“Unfortunately, not. I mean, it's not like it doesn't do anything. It's like Bo said back then. Somehow grounding, and if I said I didn't like it, I'd lie. Enrique knows what he is doing, and he does it good. We made a bet. He's got a hell of a reputation for his abilities, and rightly so.”  
“Robert called him a master of flagellation.”  
“That is, without any doubt, the case. Very exciting person, Enrique. He`s not into men, and that was alright with me. I didn`t want sex. For him, it`s a kind of art, I guess. He is concerned with the instruments, the patterns they make and the reactions of those to whom he gives these patterns. He creates total works of art, so to speak. And the work of art is finished when it cries. The fact that he didn't make it with me really drives him crazy. So, we made a bet.”  
“Which he lost.”  
“I'm getting a box of champagne brought in later.” He grins. “But anyway, as I said, it was intense and I don't know if it's such a good idea for you to look at this. Because I think you're a little like that, too. You're an aesthete and an artist, and it's a kind of art for you too, right? Maybe you'd rather make your own artwork sometime than watch other people's. Besides, please don't take this the wrong way, it's not a rebuff or anything, but maybe we should take it slow. You do so fucking much to me and I haven't really understood what happened today. Are you coming later? With your daughter? I should go, I've got a house full of guests later. And I'd really love it if you'd be there. With Tatjana, ,John and Gela.”  
Although he wants to go, we still sit on the floor for over an hour and kiss each other. Just kiss. With his arms around me and my hands in his hair.

“Goodness, Tatjana! Would you die if you tried a little smile?” Teenage daughters are a plague, especially when they're in such a shitty mood.  
"Why do I have to go to this bloke's birthday? I don't even know him.” She pouts

“Yes, and that's supposed to change, and that's why you should come with me.”  
“What a refreshing glimpse of my future!” John grins. His daughter just turned eight.  
From inside the flat we hear laughter. I still can`t believe that he lives just around the corner from my place.  
“So, will we ever ring the bell or are we just standing here and wait for the springtime to come?” Gela smirks.  
This serious decision is taken from us when the door opens and a well-known Spanish man steps out.  
“Hola! Long time no see! Go in, I just settled my betting debts. And I tell you, Spanish cava is much better than that French stuff. Enjoy!”  
I simply can`t resist “I`m sorry!”   
“I bet you are not!” he winks.  
“You would have won that bet.”  
“I guess I don't have another shot, do I?”  
“Over my dead body!”  
“You're a cool guy, Nick Rhodes! I hope to see you again.”  
Laughing quietly, Enrique disappears into the stairwell.  
In the hallway there`s a man staring at us as if we were aliens. “Holy shit!” he blurts. “Oh my bloody fu…sorry, young lady!”  
Tatjana giggles. “Are you the birthday boy?”  
“Nope. I'm the birthday boy's brother. Am I hallucinating or are these actually Nick and John?”  
“My dad and my godfather, yes! Hi, I`m Tatjana Rhodes.”  
“Er…” No wonder he's irritated. He has known for almost 20 years that I am gay.  
Tatjana knows these reactions only too well,  
"I am the result of temporary sexual confusion!"  
“Aha. Then you can start a club, there are three more such results in there, the confusion of my little brother lasted a little longer. And now I have to hug these two very urgently, excuse me! “  
I gladly take this man in my arms. Not only am I really happy to see Steve again, but I also found out that Roger is apparently completely outed.  
“Goodness! It`s been ages! You haven`t changed at all! What a pleasure! Steve Taylor, very pleased to meet you!” he shakes Gela`s hand, beaming all over.  
“Gela Taylor!”  
“Man, that's a lot of Taylors.” Tatji grins. Apparently, she's decided not to be in a bad mood anymore.  
“And you don`t know the half of it yet, young lady!”  
“Nick!” John grabs my arm. “Look! That`s unbelievable!”  
“No, that`s James!” Steve chuckles.  
My jaw drops.  
There stands Roger. Arms crossed, head slightly crooked. His soft brown eyes are looking at us with curiosity.  
Of course, it's not Roger, but he looks exactly the same. Not just a bit similar. He looks like the Roger we asked in 1979 in a smoky pub if he wouldn't like to become our drummer.  
“Cool shirt! An original?” my daughter asks while John and I still can`t speak.  
“Aye. From my dad. I'm in the '80s right now. I`m totally excited to meet you. You are a genius, Nick!”  
Goodness, I`m about to faint!  
“Thank you very much, James!” It's incredibly touching to shake hands with Roger's younger version. After he greeted Gela and John, he leads us into the living room.   
There sit Roger's parents, Ron and two women I don't know, and Roger just comes out of the next room with a loaded tray, which he almost drops.

“There you are! I was afraid it was all just a dream! “

"Oh my God! Are those really Nigel and Nicholas?”  
That's Roger's mom. But I can't say anything back right now, someone switched my brain off.  
I want to kiss him. God, what do I want to kiss him! Ron takes the tray from Roger's hands and while I'm still trying to figure out if it's okay in front of his whole family, he has me in his arms and his lips find mine. It gets so quiet in the room that I imagine I can hear both our heartbeats.  
Family present. Don't use your tongue!   
Nevertheless, this is clearly more than a kiss of welcome among friends. We only hesitantly break away from each other. And, of course my very wayward hand is in his hair again.  
“Hi!” he says quietly.  
“You weren't dreaming.”  
“That relieves me enormously!”  
“Did your father just kiss mine?” James blurts.  
“He definitely did!”  
“Who kissed who? “Out of nowhere a girl stands before us, with the same curious eyes as her brother.

"You must be Ellea, then, I guess. I`m Nick.”  
“I know. Hi! Did you canoodle?”  
“That`s a cute word. I have no idea what it means.” I chuckle  
“I love that word! It means snogging. So, did you?”  
“We did.”  
“Oh, how beautiful! Then it worked!”  
The little one's cuddling up to Roger.  
"Are you happy, Daddy?"  
“Very. What worked, honey?”  
“I asked Ron what you most want for your birthday, and he said you should finally have a boyfriend. So, every night before falling asleep I thought about it. Sometimes wishes come true if you only wish them hard enough. I still made you a drawing. Just to be on the safe side.”  
I think it`s Ron who starts laughing, and then everyone laughs.  
Except me. I have just lost my heart to this enchanting little girl  
.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Nick has a talk with Steve, meets the last remaing clone and has a little argue with Tatjana`s mother.

Apparently, this newfound love seems to be mutual and only minutes later I find myself sitting on the sofa between Roger`s parents with an adorable little girl in my lab.  
“Isn`t there yet another one of you Taylors? Elliot?”  
“He`s sleeping. He's been terrorizing mama all night and now he's tired. I can't believe you don't know the word canoodle.”   
“Thanks to you I know it now.”  
I also know that a lot of people in this room have a lot of questions, but each of them seems to feel that something special is happening between Ellea and me.  
“I love words, you know. Words are beautiful. I could already read when I was 5. Since when do you know you're gay?”  
My goodness, this child is changing the subject very rapidly!  
“Oh, since I was 14, I guess.”  
“Then would you please explain how it`s possible to have a daughter?”  
“I was very unhappy in love and didn't want to be the way I am anymore. So, I tried to be someone else.”  
“You can't do that! You can only be who you are.”  
I don't think I've ever met a wiser eight-year-old before.

When I eventually come out of the bathroom, Steve leans at the wall opposite.  
“Do you have a minute?”  
Alarmed by his serious tone, I follow him into what seems to be Roger’s bedroom.  
As soon as the door is closed, he asks:  
“Was it Rog? When you told my niece about being unhappily in love, was that Rog?”  
“Yes.” What else can I say?   
“I want to tell you a story. Four, five years ago my wife and Giovanna went on a vacation together and I spent the weekend with my little brother. On the way to Gloucestershire I stopped to buy some beers and whatever else you need for a wifeless weekend.   
And I happened to stumble across a DVD that was there at the cash register. Promotion or something.  
Anniversary edition, 10 years Life Aid.”

“Steve…” I don't like where this seems to lead to. I don't want to talk about it, not with Steve and certainly not in Roger's bedroom. I feel like an intruder.  
“Let me finish, man! So, I brought this DVD and while Roger was still busy in the kitchen, I put it in.  
Hard to believe it`s already ten years ago, I shouted. Sorry to tell you that the band with the other Roger Taylor was much better than you were.  
I immediately noticed that something was utterly wrong when he came in, but he didn`t say a single word. We just sat there in silence and watched until Duran Duran came on stage.  
Be right back, he said and literally stormed out. Well, he wasn`t. He didn`t come back and after somewhat half an hour I went to search for him.  
I found him in the basement behind his drums. Words cannot describe the devastating despair that emanated from him. Fuck, Nick, I thought for a moment he was gonna kill himself with that belt around his neck! I spent half the night in this cellar with my crying brother in my arms and he told me everything. I want to be honest, I found it quite sick and I will never understand it in my whole life. That someone likes pain and all that weird stuff. But I love my brother and I want my brother to be happy. So, I told him he had to stop lying to himself. As Ellea said, you can only be yourself. Then he told me that Giovanna was pregnant and that he could not leave her. Elliot was half a year old when Roger finally found the courage to talk to her. That was a terrible time for all of us, but despite everything you could feel how relieved Roger was. I want you to know that even though I'll never understand all this stuff, I'm very glad you're back. It's been a while since Roger looked at someone the way he looked at you when you came into the living room, and I know love when I see it. This man loves you, Nick. He probably did that for 15 years. Make it work, Nick Rhodes!”

With that, he turns and disappears, leaving me stunned.  
As if the whole thing wasn't emotional enough already, the adjacent door opens at this moment.  
"Daddy?"  
Oh, God. Another Roger clone. The little one rubs his eyes sleepily.  
“Who are you?”  
“I`m Nick.”  
“Where`s my daddy?”  
“Surely he`s in the living room.”  
I have to stop staring at this boy so unbelievably, or he'll get scared!  
“Are there many people?” He climbs on the bed next to me.  
“Yes. Your grandparents, uncle Steve, Ron…”  
“I'm Elliot.” He interrupts.  
“I'm very happy to meet you, Elliot.”  
“I think I'm still sleeping. Have you slept too?”   
“No.”  
“Then why are you in the bedroom?”  
“I wanted to be alone for a while.”  
“Why do you have your eyes painted?”  
“Because I think it's beautiful.”  
“But only women do that, and you're a boy!”  
“Boys can do that too, if they want to.”  
“Can you get my dad?”  
“Sure. But you can also just come into the living room with me.”  
“No. I want to cuddle with my dad first. We always do that when I wake up.”  
Goodness! How incredibly cute is he?

2 days later:  
“Would you die if you tried a little smile, dad?” Tatji wiggles her brows.  
“You are so funny, Tatjana Lee Orchid!”  
“I got this from my father.”  
“Did your pack your things? Your mother must be here at any minute!”  
“Daaad! Seriously, what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing.”  
“You know, today it`s really hard to figure which one of us is the pubescent teen here.” She rolls her eyes, which finally makes me laugh.  
John and Gela look for houses in the surrounding area, as they would like to come to England more often for a longer period of time.  
If that really works out with the reunion, it makes most sense for John to have a second home here anyway.  
Roger brought his parents back to Birmingham yesterday and spent the night there. He's not back yet, which is why I'm in such a bad mood. I miss him terribly, even though I keep telling myself it's really silly. After 15 years I will survive two days, right?  
I`m expecting Julie, Tatji`s mom, when the doorbell rings, but to my greatest joy it`s him.  
Yet alone his sight makes my heart pounding as if it would simply jump out of my chest.  
We stand snogging in the doorway as a snide snort is to be heard.  
Quite great! Julie.  
"I'd be very grateful if you'd stop that perverted shit in front of our daughter!" she snaps.  
“For real? You find snogging perverse?”   
“You could at least wait for her to leave before you call your slave boys in.”  
I have a very nasty reply on the tip of my tongue, but the appearance of Tatjana prevents further verbal riots.  
“Hi mom! Oh, hi, Roger! I forgot to ask James for his number, could you write it down for me?”  
Julie hands Roger a pen and post-its out of her handbag. Her faked smile drives me crazy.  
“Darling, why don't you go to the car? I'll be right there.” She says sweetly   
“Will you ever stop arguing?” Tatji sighs, standing on her toes to kiss me goodbye. “It was a great weekend, dad! Bye, Roger!”  
Julie waits until Tatjana is out of sight before saying in a cold voice:  
“I don't want Tatjana to have any contact with your sick milieu, is that clear?”  
“Wow!” Roger shakes his head when she`s rushing off. “What a lovely lady!”  
“Well, I can't really blame her. We broke up when she was pregnant, lousy timing, huh?”  
“You have a talent for lousy timing, don't you?”   
“Do you think so? Was it helpful for any of you to wait until Elliot was born?” That comes out sharper than I wanted, and his look speaks volumes.  
“How did you know…oh, Steve, I guess.”  
“Yes. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be snide.”  
“t's okay, you're right. I was simply a coward.”  
We are still standing half outside my flat in the doorway, and I gently take his arm to pull him in.  
“You were not. I even think you were pretty brave.”  
“Brave? No, I'm sure not. Who knows if I would ever have made it if it hadn't been for Ron? And Tim. Actually, above all Tim.”  
“Tim?”  
“Ron`s…uhm…slave.” I like the way he stutters on it, the way he blushes and avoids my gaze. It touches my dark side. It's not just tears that turn me on, shame does the same. Because it's a real feeling, a feeling that makes you vulnerable.   
“Where are Gela and John anyway?” he asks while following me into the kitchen.  
“They look for houses. Sit down. Tell me about Tim.”  
“I have to tell you about Ron because I met him first. James and Samuel, Ron's son, have known each other since elementary school. There have always been rumours that Ron was gay, and one night at a parent-teacher conference he told everyone. I liked the way he made it clear what he thought of their snide talk. Some parents didn't talk to him after that. But Gio and I went to him with some others to tell him that not all parents have a problem with it. And when I stood in front of him, I noticed it. I cannot explain why. I just knew it. I knew that Ron was like you.”  
“Like me?”  
“A gay sadist with a pronounced compulsion of control! And I'm telling you, that scared the shit out of me. Funny enough, Gio had quite a crush on him and she really wanted to invite him over. I made up excuses for months, always cancelled at the last moment. I just didn't want that man in my house. One day I literally ran into him on my jogging round and he asked straight out if I had a problem with gays, if I lied to him on parent-teacher night so I wouldn't look like a homophobe asshole to my wife. When I assured him that this was not the case, he invited us for dinner the upcoming weekend. That was ok with me, meeting him at his home. I probably wouldn't have gone if I knew what it was doing to me. Well, as soon as we stepped over his threshold, I knew that it was a fucking bad idea to come here.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Nick becomes the controller

“Why so?” I wonder.  
“Tim. He opened the door for us and he…he was like Bo. His expression…it was like…I knew what must have happened before we arrived. That, and…” he swallows visibly. “The collar. Tim was wearing a collar. A simple, narrow but very solid steel ring with a lock, certainly made to measure.”

Holy shit. He likes that! Here he sits opposite me, twists and turns on the chair in embarrassment and avoids eye contact. The idea of wearing such a collar himself seems to embarrass and somehow turn him on at the same time.  
Well, that's what turns ME on. That even turns me on inconceivably. This apparent contradiction that makes a 40-year-old man blush like a teenager.   
But it also makes me painfully aware that I actually know nothing about him. About his desires, his longings.  
“Go on.” I say, knowing too well that it sounds like an order. Which is exactly what it is.  
He still doesn`t look at me.

“Did that get you excited, Roger?” I bend over the table, grasp him firmly under the chin and force him to raise his head to look me in the eye.

“It was terrible. I tried for so long not to think about it, and then I have to meet Ron of all people. Tim sitting opposite, with his collar and that glow on his face” he says quietly. “And Gio next to me. It was horrible, Nick. That night my life's lie fell victim to a ruthless sledgehammer. I know, that may sound a little overdramatic, but that's how it felt. My lie has been shattered. On the way home I knew I had to tell her. Not tomorrow, not next week, right now as soon as we get home. Then we were in the bedroom and I had the feeling to burst if I did not say it immediately. But she also had something to tell me and she was a hundredth of a second faster. I am pregnant, Roger. Oh well, isn`t my life full of very excellent timings, Nick?”  
The control-addicted sadist in me, who was just wallowing in joy, also feels the sledgehammer. Right in the face.  
I want to apologize, take him in my arms, comfort him, but I can't find words and I can't move. Only my fingers let go of Roger's chin and fall powerlessly onto the tabletop. Then he does something I didn't expect. Not now, not here. He slides from the chair to the floor; he drops down to his knees beside me.  
“Please, Nick, please prove to me that I didn't make a mistake. That it's still there, that I didn't imagine it. I want to feel it, please.”  
Oh fuck! Control, I need control, and I need it fast!  
“Get up!” I'll snap at him.  
My sadistic inner self is still rubbing its bloody nose, bossy, rather unusual dominance for me is the only thing I can manage at the moment. This man really pushes me to my limits, he did that then and he still does.  
“Have I done something wrong?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.  
“You didn't. But if I have to prove something to you, you have to prove something to me as well. Ron says that you cannot obey. Prove to me that he is wrong. Get up and go into the bedroom. Take off your clothes and kneel down on the bed, with your back to the door.” The more I talk, the safer I feel. I congratulate myself on this spontaneous idea, it gives me a little time. His obedience presupposed, of course.  
“Where`s your bedroom?”  
Oh, yeah, right, he doesn't know that yet.  
“Last door on the left. You have 5 minutes.”  
As fast as he is on his feet, 2 would have done it. I can't do anything about that little triumphant smile as I look after him, even though I`m nervous like hell.  
So now it's time. Unbelievable! I should have said 10 minutes to calm myself down, but I can't and don't want to leave him alone that long.

I stay in the door frame and enjoy the sight that presents itself to me.  
So long I fantasized about it, wished him exactly like that in my bed, naked and kneeling.   
The view of the many weals on his back is somewhat irritating, because I had already repressed that again. Although for a second I feel a fierce jealousy for the Spaniard, I can't help but admire his work.  
Precise, even. A mesh that covers the entire back.  
A beautiful back. Broad and muscular, pervaded by the gentle curve of the spine. Two delightful dimples at the transition to the no fewer firm buttocks. There are no striae on them. Very unusual. He kneels upright, not sitting on his heels, so that I can also admire the backsides of his thighs. What a handsome, proud man. He must have noticed that I've been standing here for minutes looking at him, but he doesn't turn around, doesn't even dare look over his shoulder.  
“Did you envy Tim?” I want to know.  
“Yes” it comes without any hesitation.  
“And what exactly did you envy him for?”  
“For being what he was. For this radiance, the nature of his relationship.” He speaks quietly but clearly.  
“Did you talk to him about this relationship?”  
“No, with Ron, weeks later.”  
“When you asked him if he was gonna hit you?”  
Roger doesn't ask how I know, but for the first time he can't answer. Just a nod, a barely perceptible one.  
“Why did you go to Ron?”  
“Who else was I supposed to go to? I wanted to forget for a moment that... I wanted to... Two days earlier Steve was with me, he brought a DVD.” 

“10 years Live Aid.” 

“How do you know?”  
“He told me. On your birthday”  
“Oh. I think I had a nervous breakdown in the cellar. I wanted to feel myself again, I guess. That`s why I rang at his door. Ron didn't want to help me. At least not the way I imagined him to do.”

"Do you know why you kneel, Roger?"  
“Because you told me so.”  
“And why do you think I told you?”  
“Because you like it, I suppose.”

I bite my lip not to laugh. He's so gloriously honest!  
“Yes, that's right, I like it. I even like it very much. But you wanted to know if it was still there. Do you feel it? Does it feel like 15 years ago?”

“I don't know. No. Different.”

“What is different?”

“This time you told me to and I am naked. I think it's just more aware to me.” 

“This time you know what it is, don't you? Can you tell me what it is?”

“Submission.” The word is barely audible.  
“Is that what you want, Roger? Do you want to be under my control? You know this isn't just about pain, right? I want to possess you; I want everything you are. Can you give me that, Roger?

“I...I want to try it. I really want to try. You will have to help me.”

“That's my job. But you have to help me, too. You must not hide anything from me, ok? I demand absolute honesty from you and I'm sure this won't always be easy, because you're a fucking stubborn mule, you know? I won't tolerate any defiance. If you don't want to do something, you're not just gonna deny it to me. You will explain to me why. Why you don't do something that I want or why you do something that I don't want. You will always tell me how you are. Understand?”

“Yes.”  
“There will be rules for you to abide by. Some we will make together when I know better what you need, but some apply from right now on. You won't go to Chains without me anymore. You will not jerk off without my permission. Even if we have sex, you won't come without my permission. Any problems with that so far?”  
“No, Nick”  
“Whenever I ask you a question, you'll answer me honestly. I will do the same, I promise you. My first question would be, are you hard?”  
“Like a rock.”  
“How very nice! Then you're gonna turn around and show me now.”  
Oh, my goodness! He's not only hard, he's leaking! And how beautiful he looks. Everything about him, from the delightfully reddened cheeks to the hairy broad chest with the cute little nipples, the pronounced abdominal muscles that look exactly like they felt, to this perfect twitching cock from which delicious little droplets drip onto the sheets.  
“Next question. How many men have you had sex with?”  
“Depends on how you define sex.”  
“How many fucked you, Roger?”  
“Nobody but you.”  
I didn't expect that answer. Even less, how much it pleases me.  
“How many had your dick in their mouths?”  
“One other than you. Tim.”  
“Did you return the favour?”  
“We shared Ron`s. One single time. I didn't want sex. That is, I wanted to, but there was nobody who... there was just no one. That`s why I tried with Ron and Tim, but…”  
“I understand, handsome. And I can't even tell you how happy that makes me!”  
God, I have to touch him.  
Slowly I walk over to the bed, although I would like to run.

“Lie down on your back. I want to know if you still taste the same as you did then.”  
He doesn't. It tastes better. Much, much better. His delicious nipples, the curve of his neck. His inner thighs, and oh, this nectar running down his shaft! I don't put dicks in my mouth much. But this one, I think I could get addicted to it. To the taste and the heavenly noises he makes. The way he moans my name, garnished with those little pointy screams, I love it!  
“Nick! Please! Oh, please, Nick. Let me touch you. Please.”  
“Later, my darling. You will stay here tonight and you will do much more than just touch me. Now I want you to come for me. I told you I want to taste you. And do you know what I will do then? I will squirt my juice in your face, in your pretty face and in your wonderful hair, do you understand? Now come for me, come for me, Roger!”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to have an interesting dinner conversation

The taste of his semen in my mouth I`m kneeling beside his head, my cock still firmly in my fist, watching his cum- drenched face, the thick white stains in his dark hair.  
We're staring at each other. Miraculously, none of my splashes hit his eyes and he looked all the time. He looked at me wanking and spilling my load.  
“You're mine now.” I growl.  
“I am.” He nods “I always have been.”  
I could die when he licks his lips, stretching out his tongue as far as possible to catch some of my sticky liquid.  
Laughter in the hallway disturbs this moment. John and Gela are back.  
“Hey, Bates! You home? We brought food.” Gela shouts.  
I can hardly let go of Roger's sight.  
“Bedroom. Not alone. Is there enough for another Taylor?”  
“Sure! As if we'd suspected it, we brought four servings. Hopefully Roger likes vegetarian wraps. Hurry, or it'll get cold.”  
“Go ahead, I should take a quick shower.” He says softly. He seems a little dreamy, that's nice. If we had a little more time, I could certainly put him in the state he calls flying. I look forward to the night together. He hasn't said yes yet, but I have no doubt that he will stay.

“If we were alone, I would forbid you to do that. I really like that sight. Towels are in the bathroom. Take your time.”  
I'm already at the door when I turn back to kiss him. A tender kiss, tasting of cum.  
“I wish we were alone, Roger.”  
“Me too”

My best friend and his wife are sitting at the table grinning at me when I enter the kitchen.  
“Where the hell is he? You haven't forgotten to unlock the handcuffs, have you?” John chuckles.  
“I'm sorry I didn't bring a gag for you, Nigel.” I sigh, rolling my eyes.

“Oh, do you have something like that? That would be useful, because he really talks a hell of a lot.”  
“I'll give you one for Christmas, Gela.” I wink.  
“That'd be great, Nick. You look pretty happy, by the way.”  
“I am.” Yeah. I'm happy. Excited, happy and incredibly in love.  
I'm sure that from somewhere quiet violin tones can be heard as Roger comes in. So much for me being the hard, sadistic Dom.  
I'd love to have him sitting on my lap stroking his hair. Hair that's wet from the shower because he had to wash off my semen. Just at the thought of it I'll be hard again.  
“Miles wants me to greet you, John.” Roger say as he hugs JT. “He says he's rarely met a nicer person.”  
“How sweet! And I've never met a more interesting person. So, you know him privately, as a human and not only as a dog?”  
“I gave him drums lessons for a while. He's almost a friend. But he doesn't like people too much. He only lets a few get to him.”  
“Maybe he's afraid his second life's gonna come out.” John surmises. “It must be hard to have such a fetish.”  
“Are there actually a lot of people secretly going to this funny club? This Enrique for example, he is married after all.” Gela wonders.  
“His wife knows. Rico would never do something behind her back. Last year we were in Cordoba together, with all the kids.”  
“That's weird, if I may say so! Doesn't his wife mind that he has sex with men?” She shakes her head in disbelief.  
“He`s not having sex with men.” Roger shrugs.  
“Then why is he going to a gay club? I don`t get it.”  
“I don't think you always have to analyse everything. He just finds it fascinating to beat men. But it's important for him that they like that. And where else than in a gay SM club would he find men who like that? Speaks for him if you ask me. Apparently, he is not interested in violent brawls.” I meddle in.  
“Your scene seems very complicated.” John sighs.  
“No, just very diverse. I think the most complicated thing is for everyone to admit to themselves that they have needs that many people don't understand. The more unusual these inclinations are, the harder it is to admit them. I believe that those who cannot accept this at some point will end up going mad. Self-denial is destructive.” Roger explains seriously.  
I know he's talking about himself, even if he thinks it's rather general. Under the table I put my hand on his thigh.  
We should play this very exciting Q&A game a bit further tonight, because I still know so little about him. Secretly, I have to agree with John. It's complicated sometimes. You have to deal with so many contradictory things. That alone makes me insist on absolute honesty. It goes really deep and can easily blow up in your face if you are not careful, especially if you don't really know each other yet.  
Roger said he was jealous over the nature of the relationship between Tim and Ron, but he's never had a relationship like this. To wish for something and then actually live it are two different pairs of shoes. The same goes for me. I've never had a longer relationship.  
We both have children who are not supposed to know exactly what is going on between us.  
But I shouldn't think about that so much. One step at a time. First of all, we have to find out for ourselves what exactly is going to happen between us.  
For the first time since they've been here, I find John and Gela's presence a little disturbing.

Apparently, I'm so far away with my thoughts that I didn't really follow the conversation at the table anymore. John`s laugh brings me back to the here and now.

“Are you letting us participate in what is going through that pretty head of yours right now? “he grins.  
“I was just thinking that somehow you were right. It is really complicated, sometimes at least. Strong contradictions that collide. Can be irritating, and exhausting. I must disagree with you, Roger. I don't think the most difficult thing is to admit who or what you are. The hardest part is finding a way to live it out. A way to live with in the worst case and to be really happy at best. So, someone like Miles might have it even easier because it's all about him. We only talked for a moment, but he said he likes to be alone; he's not looking for a partner. Isn't it much more complicated if you need someone else to live out your preferences? If it has to fit for two?”  
John starts giggling, which seems completely inappropriate to me, and when he notices my punishing look, he begins to laugh out loud.  
“Your evil eye doesn't work on me, Nick! I'm sorry, but I just had to think about how you started living yourself out. Remember how we stole the cane from Mr Smith?”  
Now I have to laugh too. My goodness. That was really a kind of initial spark for me.  
“What if you were kind enough to enlighten us?” Gela wiggles her brows.  
“Mr Smith was a retired teacher. A neighbour of my parents. Nick and I sometimes did errands for him or just visited him, we liked him a lot. One day he asked us to clear out the attic and we found the cane. We knew immediately what it was good for, we knew the horror stories of our parents about their school days. That the friendly Mister Smith should have beaten his students with it seemed unthinkable to us, but we didn't dare to ask him about it either. Anyway, Nick stole it. We played around with it a little bit, let it blow through the air.”

“I wanted to test it on you, but you wouldn't let me, you coward!” I grin.  
“You're a coward yourself! I wasn't allowed also! But the sound alone has fascinated you. And then you started beating all the sofa cushions with that thing.”

“Yeah, laugh it up! These exercises later proved to be extremely helpful. In contrast to frighteningly many other people I can work with it, forehand and backhand!”  
“Then you can compete against the master of flagellation!" Nigel chuckles.  
While Gela laughs heartily, Roger is surprisingly quiet.  
Aha, I think, interesting. For some reason I doubt it`s fear making him so silent.  
John winks at me grinning. Looks like he noticed.  
Roger seems to want to hypnotize the remains of the wraps, so intensely he`s gazing at his plate, but when he looks up, there is a fine smile on his face.

“Did you know that I've always envied you both a little for your friendship? It's wonderful to sit here with you after all this time. You two are great!”  
“Not only the little crazy freak had missed you, Rog. And Nick's absolutely right, you're not replaceable. Neither with Steve nor with Sterling was there this connection, this blind understanding. Besides, I love you, you little Duracell bunny.”  
John gets up and I will never stop wondering about these long legs, his gawky moves that still look exactly like it did to that weird kid with the thick glasses that he was when we met. That my clumsy best friend is a sex symbol for so many women (and probably also not few men), I will never understand. The men I find sexy definitely look different. They look like this strong, slightly squat guy who is now standing up as well.  
The intimate embrace of the two touches me infinitely.  
"I missed you too, big guy! I am so glad that you are well!”  
“I guess we both had to fight our demons, Roger.”  
“I didn't fight, I ran away.”  
“Me too! Escaped in alcohol and drugs. But now we are back, aren't we? Now we are ourselves!”

“Yes. We have made it, somehow. Excuse me a moment, will you? I'll just go over to my place and get some things. I'll be right back”  
I'll walk him to the door and we'll look at each other for a moment in silence. We both realize that we are going to spend the night together.

“Pyjamas are not necessary, you know?” I smile as my fingers comb through his hair once more.

“I don't have one.”  
“Very pleasing.”  
“Do I need anything other than toothbrush and fresh clothes, Nick?”  
“No. If it were up to me, you wouldn't even need clothes.”  
“However, I will bring something with me which, with a lot of good will, you could call a piece of clothing.”  
“I`m all thrilled!” We just stop smooching because we have to breathe sometime, and with a blissful smile I return to JT and Gela.  
“So, he's staying the night?” the woman grins.  
“Oh, yeah! I'm sure you'll understand that I'm not particularly willing to sit with you for hours in the living room.”  
“Finally, I can read my book in peace! Come on, Johnny, we'll go to the guest room!” 

“I didn't mean that you have to leave immediately!” I say and I almost feel guilty for the warm excitement that spreads in my stomach

“I'm not doing this for you, Bates! I just want to read this book. Good night, greet Roger!"  
Vigorously she pulls the grinning John after her.  
“Hey, Nash?”  
“Huh?”  
“Thank you!”  
“You guys have a good time.” She winks. “Use condoms!”  
Well, there's a reason Gela's almost such a good friend as her husband.  
Only when the door falls into the lock behind the two of them do I truly realize what that means.  
A night with Roger. A night after which I won't wake up in an empty bed.  
The many contradictory feelings in me lead to a wild battle.  
A not inconsiderable part of me longs for tender cuddle sex and sweet kisses. For his strong arms around me.  
But there is also the very clear image of a cane in my head with which I could beautify this wonderful ass. After all, Enrique kindly left me room for it.  
The question and answer game would also be nice to find out where we're going.  
John was really right. It's complicated.  
What does Roger expect from me? Tenderness or hardness?  
I open a bottle of champagne with a clear conscience now that Nigel is not there. Together with the cooler and glasses I carry it into the bedroom. Did Roger notice the hook on the ceiling? After all, he kneeled right underneath.  
I dim the light and decide to undress and slip into a black silk bathrobe.  
When the doorbell rings, I feel nervous like a schoolboy.  
This is not a game, it is not like what I usually do. Roger is not some sub or even a willing slave. Roger is just Roger. Unfortunately, I have no idea what *just Roger* wants, what he likes. All I have is a few hours over a decade ago and the little scene from the bedroom earlier.  
Somehow clear agreements, clear role assignments make things much easier.  
Being in love is also not necessarily an advantage.  
There were some that I liked very much, some that were more than just playing partners, but I was never really in love with anyone.  
Besides, there was always this stict role-playing. In the hotel room, or, very rarely, at my home in the bedroom, I demanded submission and got it without any discussion, because my opposite wanted exactly that. Afterwards, if you liked each other, you went out to have dinner together or hit a bar.  
Affection and respect, yes, always.  
But never love.

He grins surprised when I open the door. “You are losing no time, aren`t you?”  
I nearly have a heart attack when he lets his hand run over my silk-cladded chest, the warmth of his palm radiating through the fabric. This simple, gentle touch alone makes me hard.  
“Suits you, Nick Rhodes. A material as noble as the man who wears it. Where are the Taylors?”

"Gela wants to read her book in peace and needs the company of her beloved husband.” I explain while I lead him into the bedroom.  
Roger laughs quietly at the sight.  
“Champagne and candlelight? What`s next? A Celine Dion-CD?”  
“Goodness! No one is THAT masochistic! Do you think there`s people who are into acoustic torture?”  
“The worst acoustic torture I ever had was a certain Live Aid-gig.” He smirks.  
That`s when the mood noticeably changes.  
Both of our thoughts are suddenly in what happened after the concert. I see it in his eyes just as he sees it in mine.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to deal with confusion

He hesitantly takes a step towards me.   
“I…goodness, I feel so torn. Part of me wants to hug and kiss you, part of me wants to kneel before you.”

“I know exactly what you mean.” I`m pulling him into my arms and he bends his head to rest his forehead on my shoulder. Again, I bury my fingers in his hair, inhaling his scent.  
“John is right, isn`t he? It`s complicated.” He sighs.  
For endless minutes, we just stand there and hold on. His head on my shoulder, his arms wrapped around my waist, my hand in his hair, the other caressing the back of his neck.  
It's Roger who's breaking this connection by taking a step back. He's still wearing his jacket. An old, worn leather jacket that gives him a Marlon-Brando-like aura.  
Already at that time he had this preference for the movie stars of the 50's and 60's. When I met him, he was just in a rather intense James Dean phase.   
I remember watching* Rebel without a cause* with both Nigel and him, in Roger's parents' living room. None of us wanted to admit it, but we all cried. Roger gave his best to be like Jim, but only now I realize he`s always been Plato. A Sal Mineo trying to be a James Dean.  
I really have to control things here, for fuck`s sake, this kitschy stuff is so distracting!   
“Would you be so kind as to fill the glasses, Roger? I'd love to toast with you. You should undress first, though.”  
I open my bathrobe belt and the black silk falls to the floor. "Now you!”

“Goodness!” he says quietly. “Do you know that this is the first time I've seen you naked in 15 years?”  
“Quite. And I want to see you naked, too. Or is my sight so shocking that you'd rather leave?”  
He shakes his head with a small chuckle, and instead of following my friendly order he steps in again, wrapping his arms around me.   
The leather feels warm against my skin, his hands on my back much smoother than I imagined.  
I've seldom been naked with my playing partners.  
There wasn't a lot of real sex either. Usually a pretty mean mouth fuck, occasionally a fast, deep ass fuck. Anyway, something you could leave your clothes on for. It was enough to pull the pants down a little.  
For their own orgasm the boys had to take care of themselves except for a few exceptions.  
That`s for sure not what I want with Roger.   
Having his hands on my naked skin is a bliss, the way he`s almost shyly caressing me, exploring me, so divine it hurts. No greedy groping, it's more like he' s touching something very precious, almost as he's afraid to break something fragile when he grabs it harder.  
His fingers stroke over my ass, gently as a sea breeze, and I get goose bumps with delight.  
When he flickers his tongue over a nipple I can`t hold back a moan.  
“Take your clothes off or I'll do it.” I growl.  
“That would be nice.” He mumbles at my neck.  
Oh.   
OK.  
As you wish.  
Now it`s me stepping back, glancing him up and down as if seeing him for the very first time.  
No question, this man aged pretty well.  
The Dean-attitude still suits him. Clothes, posture and all, but when looking into his eyes, there`s Plato. Soft, meek, vulnerable.  
“Stand still, boy!”  
Ack! Am I nuts? Boy? I'm really getting from one extreme to the other, aren't I?  
His brows shoot up shortly, his mouth corners twitch, but he does. He stands still.  
Well, it`s out already, why not testing grounds?  
“Good boy!” I smile, giving his hair yet another stroke.  
He swallows down a chuckle. “I hope you don't expect me to call you Master.”  
“If I had, I'd have called you slave. But we're not there yet. It's possible, though, at some point.”  
He shudders slightly, I'm not sure if he's uncomfortable with the idea or if it excites him. I'm gonna find out. Not necessarily tonight, but someday for sure.  
Now the clothes have to go first, and we` ll see.  
Jacket. Shirt.  
No underwear, nice.  
I'm opening the belt buckle. The trousers are already visibly bulged and he shrugs violently as I accidentally stroke over what covers the most famous thing you need two hands for in music history.  
“You like belts, don't you, Roger?” Now I grasp intentionally, intentionally and quite firmly  
“Yesss!” he hisses, his hips pushing forwards.  
“Then maybe I should put it aside, huh? Within reach?” I'm slowly pulling it out of the belt loops.  
“Uh..”  
“Not an appropriate answer, boy! But that's fine, your pretty dick speaks for you right now. Shall I unpack it, Roger, your beautiful, hard, dripping cock?”  
“Please!” he whimpers.  
“ Have I told you I like it when you plead? I will never get tired to remember the first time you did that, with your face wet from tears and my fingers in your tight virgin ass.”  
I pull down his trousers with a jerk and he almost falls in my arms because it comes unexpectedly and the fast movement brings him out of balance. I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight, feel how fast his heart beats, how hard he breathes.  
“I got you, Roger! I will always hold you, no matter how deep you let yourself fall, do you understand? You can let yourself go.”  
A shivering sigh escapes from his lips as he buries his nose in the curve of my neck.  
“It was way easier when I was drunk and cuffed.”  
“You certainly weren't drunk when Ron or Enrique whipped you, were you?”  
“That's a whole different story, Nick! You know that.”   
“No offense, sweetheart. Hold on to my shoulders, I`ll get you out of these jeans, yeah? It really shouldn't sound reproachful or jealous, Roger. I shouldn't have done that back then. It wasn`t right!”  
“I am glad that you did it anyway.”  
“Me too! It still wasn't right. You don't have to be drunk for that, that's what I want to say.”

It is really strange; I kneel naked before a man to take off his shoes and free him from his trousers. I have never done that before. His hands are heavy on my shoulders and I can feel him looking down on me.  
“You better not get used to this sight.” I chuckle. “Done! Now pour us some champagne, will you? Drunk is a no go, but a glass or two is perfectly alright.”   
I think I already found out something about him. It seems to help when I tell him what to do. It's a support, just like the handcuffs were. A help that makes it easier for him to let himself go. Like the belt. Roger needs something he can hold on to, whether words, shackles or a collar.  
Maybe even all of that.  
I look at his sexy ass smiling while he does what I told him, remembering that no one but me had ever fucked him.  
“Come, handsome, sit with me. Would you like to smoke? I started smoking again at Chains. I was really nervous, you know?” I want him to know how excited I was and still am. I don't have to play the cool Dom here, that I'm taking the lead doesn't mean that I'm not nervous, too. I think I might be starting to know what he wants, but I can't be sure yet.  
“I never quit smoking. I have reduced it enormously, but never stopped completely. So, yeah, a cigg would be fine.” He hands me the glass before he drops down beside me on the bed.  
We cling glasses and I reach for the cigarettes on the nightstand, lighting two of them.   
As his gaze followed my moves, he certainly had noticed the lube and the condoms lying beside the cigarette pack. Not very subtle, I know, but he should know what's coming, right? At least an important part of it, because no matter what else happens, I'm definitely gonna fuck him.  
“May I ask you something, Nick?”  
“You can ask me anything, my love.”  
“What if I'm not what you want me to be? You're experienced, I'm a complete beginner. I don't know what you expect from me.”  
“ I'm not expecting anything, Roger. Only what I've already told you, absolute honesty.”  
He thinks too much, doubts too much. I have to make him stop. I take the half-smoked cigarette out of his hand and squeeze it out.  
"Drink up and give me the belt."  
As he leans forward to pick up the belt from the floor, I grab his neck firmly.  
"Get on your knees, boy"  
As he kneels between my legs, cheeks reddened and eyes down, the need to fuck his mouth is almost unbearable, so close is his face. But that would be too plump.  
I pull the end of the belt through the buckle, form a noose, which I put around his neck. Then I tighten it. With that, something strikes me that makes my heart jolt.  
“Is this our belt, Roger? The one you kept for 15 years?”  
He nods silently, his blush deepening from pinkish to bright red, what gives him a look that makes the *boy*-thing more appropriate than a belt around his neck could ever do.   
I hook a thumb under the leather, pulling him in for a kiss. The longer this kiss lasts, the more I think about letting a belt be a belt, about skipping the whole SM-D/s- whatever -thing and just cuddle under the blanket with him for some tender, cosy all vanilla sex. That`s so very irritating, this back and forth confuses me completely and I can imagine only too well that it confuses Roger even a lot more. How's he supposed to let go if I'm not in control?   
I need a little distance to sort myself out. To figure out what I actually want. I must finally decide and then stay with this decision, otherwise this will be an absolute emotional chaos for both of us. My goodness, it is really so much easier with clear rules and without that deep feeling, without the fear of doing anything wrong.  
I break the kiss and lean back. “I just want to look at you for a while, Roger. Please get up and stand in the middle of the room, your hands behind your back.”  
Yet alone the fact that he immediately obeys reinforces my dominant side. He's definitely into following orders.   
“Look at me!”  
Holy fuck, okay! No vanilla cuddle sex, no chance! That look says it all.  
It speaks of so much NEED that I can feel it literally crawling under my skin, making the fine hair on my arms stand up on end. 

How is it possible that a naked man with a leather belt around his neck can be so submissive and proud at the same time?   
Although he is clearly a little ashamed, he does not look away, does not avoid me, his posture upright and stable like a soldier. No. Like a rock. An immovable solid rock, the absolute contrast to his glowing cheeks and the soft, pleading eyes.  
The short end of the belt hangs nicely between his rosy nipples down to his navel, as if pointing the way to his throbbing cock.

“I have a few more questions and I want concrete answers. Are you in?”  
“Yes…Nick”  
To increase the felt distance between us, I light up another cigarette. I let several minutes pass; he never breaks eye contact.   
“You said you`re an absolute beginner. How is that possible when you at least hit an SM-club twice a week to get beaten up?”  
“It was never more than pain. I thought it would do more, but it was…it felt good, but it never touched me inside…I can’t explain. It was…physical, but not in any way sexual. Kind of relaxing, but not fulfilling. I gave in to the pain, not to the man providing it. I never had the desire to submit to anyone.”  
“Any other pain experiences than those beatings? Clamps, wax, needles?”  
“No. Just plain beating.”  
“Were you sexually stimulated? Was your dick touched or did you have fingers in your butt?”  
“Ron once tried both, but I didn`t want it.”  
“Any other objects, like plugs or dildos?”   
“Not during a session. I…I bought some toys for myself, but I didn`t use them much.”  
“Fine. From now on you won't even use them unless I want to watch you doing it. You'll bring them over tomorrow. Thank you for your honesty. I take it you're not prepared for anal games?”  
He blinks in confusion.   
“I don`t get it.”  
“Roger, you have a gay circle of friends, you went to gay clubs, don`t tell me you do not know what I`m talking about! Are you all rinsed up? Did you use an enema or something?”  
His face looks like a ripe tomato now and all he can do is shaking his head while his gaze finally drops down to hide the warm brown under long, thick lashes.  
My inner sadist is gloating over his shame and I'm gonna push him even further.   
“I'm thinking of doing a lot of work on your little tight hole, Roger. That's why now you' re going to the bathroom. Under the basin in the cupboard you'll find everything you need.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to say please

He swallows hard, making his Adam’s apple jumping frantically.  
“The door is right behind you, sweetie. No discussion about that”  
“Here we go” I whisper to myself when he practically runs in the next room. He's gonna need some time. Time that I use to think about what he told me. That he has not had many experiences, I am immensely pleased.  
So, there's no one else who's shaped him in any way, he`s still the raw diamond he was 15 years ago, when I saw this enormous potential , when I felt his strong need to surrender. None of this rather innocent vulnerability has vanished, and finding out about his personal limits is still all up to me. What a gift!  
We will have a lot of first times together this night.  
Smiling, I pour me another glass of champagne and listen to the sounds from behind the locked door. Sounds with which probably very few people associate something erotic. Well, I definitely do!  
After almost half an hour he shows up again in the bedroom.  
“From now on, you do it every morning, whether at my house or yours. Unless the children are there. If we don't have family responsibilities, I expect you to be ready for me. Got it?”  
“Yes…Nick.”  
Ah, I have to be a bit less bossy here, I remind myself. Beginner. Absolute beginner.  
So far, he's responded better than I expected from this stubborn guy, even in the embarrassing part.  
He stands somewhat lost in the middle of the room, unsteadily shifting the weight from one leg to the other.  
“Are you afraid?”  
“Uh…a bit.”  
“Of what? “  
“Been a while, you know?”  
“That you got fucked?”  
“Huh-hm”  
“Still, you seem to like the thought of it.”  
His throbbing, leaking cock speaks indeed volumes.  
“I definitely do, but…”  
I stand up and hold him firmly in my arms.  
"I won`t rush , darling! I'd like to try some other things first, okay? Find out how responsive you are. You remember your safe word, I guess?”  
“How could I ever forget this oh-so-subtle…”  
“Ah, there is the stubborn little thing I missed so far!” I grin, slapping his ass slightly. Although it was really just a playful slap, Roger moans quietly at my neck. That's how it started in Philadelphia, with his naked ass under my hands. Why not start like that again?  
I dig my fingers into the hot flesh, kneading it and am rewarded with even more of those little moans. My other hand wanders to his hair, grabbing it tightly, pressing his head against the curve of my neck. I'll take a swing. There`s nothing playful in this fast, hard spank, not in the next and not in the one after the next. His cock presses hot and hard against my tight, leaving hot, sticky drops on my skin.  
I lost myself in the sensation of my palm hitting again and again, his lustful hisses against my neck. Everything melts into a perfect whole of domination, lust, pain and sweet surrender, Roger`s hot naked body heavily leaning into mine, both our hard-ons slick with pre-cum, greedily rubbing against each other. God, I want so much more! I want to take possession of this body; I want to take possession of every thought of him.  
His look when I stop to lay my fingers on his soft lips, ordering to wet them, almost makes me swoon just from the memory of the last time he did that. The feeling of his warm, wet mouth around my fingers, the eager tongue licking over them is nearly as good as having my cock in his mouth, I swear, but when I pull out and my fingertip finds his pucker, he tenses, letting out a somewhat uncomfortable gasp.  
“Sorry” he mutters.  
“Relax. Luv. It`s alright, I have you!”  
Ok, changing of plans. He obviously needs more preparation, more time to sink in, or to fly, in his words.  
With Roger still in my arms, I move slowly backwards to the bed, then turning him as the backsides of my knees touch the bed frame.  
“Lie down, handsome boy. I`ll tie your wrists to the headboard, would that help you?”  
“I think so, thank you.”  
Just like I thought, too. Ties are giving him a hold in more than just one meaning  
When he lies on my bed , outstretched and naked, his big brown eyes fixed on me, his wrist fixed with cuffs, I can`t help but smile in amazement.  
“If you knew how many times I've dreamed about this.” I say, letting my fingers trail over his torso. There`s even more hair to play with and I gladly take advantage of that.  
“You like?” he asks with a lovely little smile. “I wasn`t sure if you rather want me hairless. It seems to be so popular in the scene.”  
“It`s perfect the way it is. Nice frame for those cute nipples of yours.” With that I bend down to catch one of the delicious little nubs with my teeth.  
“Yessss!” he hisses and I bite harder, sucking the tortured flesh until its all red and swollen, then turning to the other, giving it the same treatment.  
“You like that, huh? I think I have something that would look good on you.” I reach for the drawer of the nightstand and pull a pair of silver nipple clamps out. I've put some nice little things in reach that I think he might like, and the clamps are surely on the list of my personal favs.  
“I find them very pretty, and I'm sure they look even prettier on you.”

He shivers heavily when I let one clamp snap close right above a nipple without touching it. I'll do that a couple more times to tease him a little.  
“Fuck, Nick! Put it on.” He blurts.  
“I beg your pardon? Is there something you wanted to ask me for, Roger? If so, do it nicely!”  
“Please, Nick.”  
“Please, Nick, what?”  
“Put that fuck…goodness, please, put that clamp on my nipple, please!”  
“I see we have to work on your manners, boy! I know you`re mostly into pain, what I do appreciate a lot, and I promise to give you a lot of what you so obviously need, but I want a lot more than that. Politeness and respect, for example, are very important to me. So, you're gonna have to learn to plead nicely for what you want.”  
“I didn`t want to be disrespectful, it`s just…I`m not used to it.”  
“I know, Roger. That`s why you have to learn , huh? Try again.”  
“I beg you, sir, would you please attach the clamp to me?”  
I almost chuckle at the*sir*-thing, but I can`t deny that I love it nonetheless.  
“How could I resist to such a lovely plead, sweetie!” I don't just let one clamp bite into the sensitive flesh, but both at once, absolutely in sync.  
Roger yells out loud at this kind of pain, pain he isn`t in any way used to, but I instinctively know it's not too much for him.  
It's just something he doesn't know yet. His nipples respond intensely to any kind of stimulation, I know that, and those clamps were not cheap sex-shop-stuff made for decoration only. They hurt. They hurt a lot.  
I stroke his hair gently until he gets used to this biting pain and his breathing calms down. Holy fuck, pain is really his way! I've never seen anyone drift off so fast before. His gaze is glassy and kinda unfocused, his facial features seem softer, younger. The simple biting of steel teeth in his nipples made him fly. This is fantastic but also utterly scary, because it makes perfectly clear to me that I`m not the slightest bit in control about his state.  
Our little scene is full of ruthless sadists, and I mean, real sadists, sadists who miss the good of their subs because they really think they can do whatever they want with a submissive person. Someone like Roger would be their dream. The far he is gone, I doubt he`d be able to use a safe word, and we haven`t even started yet. I'm relieved he hasn't gone off to gain experience. The way he works it could have been dangerous. Heaven and hell are at very close quarters sometimes.  
“You are safe with me, luv.” I whisper, even if I know he doesn`t care much.  
I want him to enjoy this flight without any regrets afterwards, so I decide that the clamps alone are enough pain for this game. I`m going to focus on this complete devotion he gifts me with.  
“Such a beautiful body, Roger! Such a beautiful, longing body!”  
His eyes fall shut when my hands slide down his sides to his hips and he arches into my touch with the sweetest sigh ever been heard.  
As I gently let my fingers swipe over his pucker, there`s not the slightest bit of tension, he even spreads his legs wider to give me better access. The idea of what others would do in such a situation briefly gives me nausea, which I vigorously swallow down. He`s with me. He`s never been with someone else but me.  
Rolling his soft balls in one hand, I reach for the lube with the other, applying a generous amount on my fingers.  
The small tempting muscle ring is tightly closed, presumably he does it unconsciously, like so many men and women who pay frightening little attention to this exciting little hole. I massage the cool gel in, only on the outside, until the muscle slowly loosens.  
Roger`s breaths are deep and slow, almost like he`d fallen asleep, but when the tip of my index finger penetrates him, his eyes flutter open again and a gasped *oooh* escapes from his lips.  
“More?”  
“Please, sir, more, yes.”  
“I want you to call me Nick. I`m Nick, ok?”  
It`s not that I don`t like this whole Sir-Master-whatever- thing, actually I have always enjoyed it to no end, as it leaves no doubt about the strict roles during a session. But I want him to be aware that it's me. Me, Nick. I am not anyone, I am the man who loves him.  
"I know who you are, Nick. My Nick!”  
“And you are my Roger! Open up for me, my Roger.”  
Another shivering breath and I feel the muscle soften enough to let my finger in a little further.  
“Good, luv, very good! Keep breathing.” I carefully add a second finger, not moving a single bit until he gets used to the intrusion.  
To distract him a little from this unfamiliar feeling, I start jerking him off, what makes him moan deeply. His hips push upwards, driving both his cock harder into my fist and my fingers deeper into his hot butt.  
“You like that, huh? You like that very much, don't you? I’m not gonna fuck you yet, you greedy thing! I like patience almost as much as proper pleading!“ He blinks briefly, shakes his head, blinks again.  
The glassy expression in his eyes does not disappear completely, but now something else can be seen in the depths of his pupils. Something wild. greedy.  
"I think waiting 15 years can be described as patient. I am begging you, Nick, Sir, Master or whatever you would like to be called, please end my waiting!”  
“I'm gonna fuck you, Roger, I'm gonna fuck you until you don`t know what hit you, but I told you I want to try some other things first, didn`t I ? I like politeness, Roger, and as much as that I like patience. So, waiting a little longer won`t kill you, I guess.”  
I do my very best not to show how touched I am, how much it takes me not do fulfil his desperate need in an instant.  
But I know if I fucked him right now, it would be over in a few minutes, and we're both not 20 anymore.  
So, I want to delay it as much as possible.  
Again , I reach into the drawer and show him a pretty big stainless-steel butt plug.  
“Will this help to sweeten the bitter pill of waiting, Roger?”  
“Uh, yeah!”  
“I'm delighted. It's also pretty good preparation, you know? Because I intend to fuck you deep and hard, down to my balls. I want to impale you with my cock, make you scream.” To back up my words, I thrust my fingers twice into him, as deep as I can. A delicious whimper is the answer to that, followed by a deep, frustrated sigh as I pull my fingers out.  
Making sure he sees every one of my moves, I slick the plug with lube and shove the toy into him with a single swift thrust. It feels like he`s sucking it in.  
“Good? Like being filled?”  
“Ah! God, fuck!”  
“I take this as a yes!” I chuckle.  
I wonder what he thinks of the next little tease I`ve planned.  
I dig into the drawer yet again, exposing a silk blindfold.  
“Have you ever been blindfolded, sweetheart?”  
“Naah” he howls and I can tell that he tries to get back into that floating state.  
The way he lifts his head for me is an invitation to put the silk scarf over his eyes, he may can`t find the right words to plead properly, but his gestures work fine with me for now.  
Once the blindfold is in place, I snatch the satchel from under the bed.  
Being unable to see a thing will make him feel every single touch even more intensively and I could concentrate on his body language.  
I like the interplay between gentle touches and light pain, between stroking and hitting, kissing and pinching and I`m pretty sure I can drive him completely nuts with it.  
The first thing I take out of my pocket is a wooden hairbrush with soft bristles. Starting at the ankle, I gently drive it up the inside of his right leg.  
He giggles quietly, so I push the bristles a little harder into the warm flesh. This is not supposed to be a tickle game. With a little stronger pressure, I repeat the whole thing and then switch to the left leg.  
He begins to purr under the strokes, a comforting, deep sound.  
I let the brush glide over his hard shaft and the purring gets louder.  
I lift the heavy testicles with one hand and strike quickly and hard with the wooden brush back against the bottom of the plug.  
He gasps, his entire body tenses, expecting the next blow. But I turn to his outstretched arms instead, giving them the same treatment as the legs.  
Roger relaxes again slowly, but doesn't find his way back into that deep purr.  
He now knows that the softness is deceptive.  
The very careful blows against the clamped nipples let him sob up.  
The next item out of my bag is a peacock feather. It doesn't take any pain to torture anyone, and Roger is just a whimpering heap of lust after I've caressed the dripping, swollen tip of his cock with the feather for a quarter of an hour.  
“God, please! More! Oh please! “  
I don't want to wait any longer, even though there are still a lot of funny things in my bag. His begging makes me horny and this body responds so fantastically to every single touch, soft or hard.

His sobbing drowned out the sound of a condom pack ripping open and he almost screams with lust as I pull out the plug.  
If it works the way I think it does, it will be a very short but incredibly intense endeavour.  
“Yes, please! Please fuck me , sir…Nick, fuck …aaaaaah”  
We scream out our lust together as I penetrate deep into him, to the limit.  
While we still scream, I remove both clamps with a jerk.  
It's hot around me, my cock is almost crushed, his scream turns into a loud, never-ending groan and he splashes an immense amount of hot, sticky cum on both of us.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Roger comes hard

Ah, goodness!  
I almost come myself as his muscles clench around my cock like a vice, but I don`t want it to be over yet.   
“Nick! Fuck me, god, fuck me!” His eyes wide open and teary, fists open and close, open and close in the cuffs, the restriction slowly becoming uncomfortable, which is good.   
He's at my mercy, I'll let that be a little uncomfortable. Especially since he broke a golden rule right the first time.  
I did it on purpose, of course.  
The way Roger responds to pain, I assumed he would come if I remove the clamps. It is a very intense pain when the blood flows back into the numb nipples, inevitable and sharp.  
“That`s the plan.” It's hard to sound so cool because I'm dying of horniness. "I didn't allow you to come, by the way.”  
Pulling out almost completely, I then impale him to the balls.   
Although he has already come, he answers my deep hard thrusts with bucking hips, his cries all the way delicious. I press his knees to his chest to get as deep into him as possible, making sure to hit his prostate with every thrust.  
It completely surrenders to me, although this direct stimulus must be almost unbearable so soon after his orgasm. I wanted to torture him by trying to see if he's one of those who can have dry orgasms through prostate stimulation, forcing him to come, so to speak, but I can't control myself. I'm just too horny, too intense is the feeling of being buried in his tight hot hole. Screaming, I release my load up his divine ass.  
Screaming! Me! Yet again.  
I never scream, I`m always on top of things. Well, I may be on top of him, but that`s it.  
His hairy legs fling around me as I collapse on his sweaty body, desperately gasping for air. Control, my arse!   
“Please, uncuff me, Nick. I want to hold you. I need to hold you!” he pants, his hot breath caressing my neck before he peppers it with little kisses.  
My fingers are trembling a bit when I unlock the cuffs and his arms are around me in an instant, pulling me even closer which I never thought would be possible, but it is.  
What was intended as a demonstration of my oh so strict dominance ends in a tender, intimate smooching, which I unfortunately have to interrupt to dispose the condom.  
Roger lights two cigarettes and pulls me to his chest, all vanilla cuddle mode.  
Seriously, I have never shared such a peaceful, tender postcoital situation with another human being, and I really don`t know what to think of it. Not that I`m not enjoying this, I do!   
Still, it`s…I dunno…weird.   
“What is it, Nick Rhodes?” he smiles, stroking a strand of hair from my forehead.  
Such a gentle gesture!  
How am I supposed to explain this to him without making it sound completely stupid? 

“I don't think I'm used to this closeness.” I say honestly.  
“Oh. Too much?” he sounds worried, sad even.  
“No.” Taking a deep drag of nicotine. I consider my next words.  
“I never had a real relationship. My…lets call it encounters or whatever.. have always been based on a very strict distribution of roles. That doesn't work with you and that confuses me to no end. I should spank your ass because you came without my permission but cuddling is just kinda nicer. That`s something completely new.”  
“Is that something bad?” he wonders. “We can snuggle up a little bit and then you're gonna spank me.”  
I can`t help but laugh at that. He's so refreshingly uncomplicated.  
“Maybe I love you too much to really dominate you.” I sigh.

“Oh, Nick! It's new for both of us, isn`t it? I really want that, you know? All that, the handcuffs, the belt... but if it means that I can't hold you in my arms, if you don't want that kind of closeness... you don't want me sleeping on the rug or anything, do you?”  
“On the rug? What makes you think that?”  
“Robert told me that his former Master wanted it this way. In theory, that sounded kind of exciting. But I think in reality I'd rather lie next to you.”  
“I don`t want you to sleep on the rug, Roger! You are not my slave, and even if you would be, I would punish myself with this distance. But sometimes, in a D/s-relationship, distance is needed. Control is needed. And I`m afraid I have absolutely no control over myself when it comes to you. Tell me, how the hell am I supposed to control you when I can`t even control myself?”  
“Honestly, Nick, I think you're complicating things unnecessarily. Just give us a little time. We'll find a way. Our way.”  
“I hate it when petty subs are right, goodness!” I chuckle.  
“So sorry, Sir!” he grins.  
“Why did you call me Sir? That caught me off guard. Earlier, I mean, when you said it before we started.”

“I just thought it suits you. Sir Nicholas. I like that.”  
“Do you?” Bloody fuck, this is so very confusing! He`s killing me. “You`re doing it again, Roger! I simply don`t know if I want to kiss or cane you!”  
“Whatever you want.”  
“Yeah, but at the same time?” I shrug and he giggles like a schoolboy. How very cute is that, please?   
“Well, that could be difficult to do, hm?”  
“Would you like? To be caned?” Not so long ago, that`s what happened to schoolboys who can`t behave, right? Again, my thoughts are at Mister Smith`s cane, my first encounter with such things.   
“Very much so.” He answers with a lovely blush.  
“Has Enrique ever done this? Or Ron?”  
“Ron.”  
“Then I don't want to do that for now.”  
“Oh, come on, Nick! Don`t tell me you are jealous!”  
“No. Or …hm…maybe, a bit. But I wanted to show you things you didn't know yet.”  
“ I know nothing, and neither do you, because we never have done this together.”  
“I should gag you first, smart ass!”  
“Well, that would indeed be something new.”  
Without realizing it, I was playing with the belt around his neck all the time. That looks pretty, the black leather on his skin, really pretty.   
If that already gives him support, how about ropes?  
“Do you like bondage?”  
“How should I know, Nick?”  
“Have you ever seen it? At Chains, maybe? Or in books, in the net?”  
“I know what it is, saw a few very aesthetic pics and once there was a show at Chains. Before I met Ron, I didn`t dare to look for such things. I didn`t want to read , hear or see anything about it. I pushed all that as far away as I could.”  
“I understand. I can`t tell you often enough how sorry I am for letting you alone with all this! When you were gone in the morning, without a message, without anything, without any sign that you liked what happened…I thought you regretted it.”  
“I did! I deeply regretted it, because I was married an I cheated on my wife, Nick. And to tell her after not even a year of marriage, oh you know, I think I'm gay and I'm totally into getting my ass spanked, I was simply too cowardly to do that. So, bondage , huh? You like?”

“I learned it Japan. Simply as a form of art so far, never used it in a session. But I think you`d like it. I figured that being fixed gives you a hold. Even this belt does, right? You need a hold. A reminder. Something that helps you to get into subspace.”  
“Oh. Hm. Yeah. This has something to it.”  
“You're unbelievably cute when you blush like that.” My fingers in his hair, I feel him soften against me with a sigh.  
“I'd really like to tie you up. Would you let me do that? Just arms, for starters. I tie your wrists together in front of your body, then you put your arms over your head, bend them behind your back and I fix your hands between the shoulder blades by looping the rest of the rope around your upper body. This feels a lot different than handcuffs. It restricts more. It makes you more helpless. But some people also feel very held by the ropes. I think you could be someone who really likes that, Roger.”  
“Sounds exciting.” He nods  
Exciting. Yes. I am very excited I have to say!   
Roger seems to be, too. You can see that very clearly when he stands up at my request. God, he is so beautiful. Naked, with the traces of his lust on his body, shivering with what I hope is anticipation. His cock is already half hard again.  
I haven't used the ropes in a long time, but they've never felt so good.  
As soon as I have tied his wrists I know I was right. He likes it. He likes it a lot.  
“ Don't let the ropes hurt, okay? If it hurts anywhere, if you feel uncomfortable, let me know immediately. Don't be afraid of the knife lying there, it's only there to free you quickly in an emergency. You look gorgeous!”  
That`s quite an understatement.  
Straight and upright he stands there, again this peculiar mixture of pride and vulnerability. The upper arms next to the head, the lower arms bend and the wrists tied to the back, the rope around his upper body a wonderful cage around his pectoral muscles.  
“Close your eyes. Keep them closed. Trust me.” I've already led him through the room on the belt once, like on a leash, and he was on all fours. Now he walks upright, but is tied up. It's more about trust than submission at this moment, different than back then in Philadelphia, when I tug slightly at the loose end of the leather around his neck. He follows me without any hesitation.   
I imagine leading him through Chains naked and tied up like this. I'm sure the other Doms would all turn green with envy. After all, they think Roger isn't a wee bit submissive.  
Here, in the privacy of my bedroom, I can safely play with that thought, see how Roger reacts to it.  
“Did I tell you I like spectators, Roger? I like to brag a little, you know? I could show off with you, at Chains for example. I bet they'd all be drooling with horniness if they could see you like this. But then we would need a real collar and a decent leash. Would you like that?”  
The belt tightens and I quickly take a step back, after all I don't want to strangle my beloved. Roger has stopped dead in his tracks and looks at me with big eyes.  
“Didn`t I tell you to keep your eyes closed?”   
“I don't know if I want to!” he says with a shaky voice.  
“What, to keep your eyes closed?” I smirk.  
“Please, Nick, I... I don't know if I want other people to see me like this.”  
“Are you ashamed of yourself? You don't have to, you are beautiful. You have a fantastic body, the ropes look good on you. Is it the collar and the leash?”  
“It`s more being naked in front of other people”  
“There's a lot of naked people walking around, and they're not half as beautiful to look at as you are. I could blindfold you. Before we go to Chains, I could beat you up with a cane. Or maybe better there? As I said, I like spectators.”  
He looks a little panicked now. His breath goes fast, his face glows with shame.   
But his cock is rock-hard and already dripping. God, this sight is killing me. How he fights it that it turns him on. Probably that's exactly what's panicking him. That his body speaks a completely different language than his brain.  
“For not wanting that, the thought seems to make you pretty horny.” I grin. Letting go of the belt I grab his hair instead, yanking his head back.  
“Your twitching cock reveals you! You are already dripping on the carpet, so horny it makes you. Stop lying to me!”  
He sobs desperately as I start jerking him off, trying to elude me.  
“Stay still! I can see how that turns you on. Just admit it.”   
He vehemently shakes his head.  
“Are we being stubborn again?”  
"Please, no!”  
“You got a safe word, Roger, use it if you really mean it. I'll stop right now. Otherwise you will have to admit how horny this thought makes you, and if you have said it, you may come.”  
“Please. Please don't make me do this!” he whimpers, but his hips push greedily towards my fist, my fist around his cock.  
“I'm not forcing you to do anything, you just have to say the word.”  
“Oh god! Please! Nick!”  
“I don`t hear you say the word, Roger!”  
“I don`t..I…please…Fuck, oh god! It turns me on! Yes, fucking hell!”   
“Stop swearing! What turns you on? Say it.”  
“Naked…on a leash…at Chains…oh god, please!”  
“Good boy! You may come now.”  
His hot semen shoots into my hand, runs through my fingers and drips on the carpet.   
The orgasm is so violent he'd fall over if I didn't hold him.  
“I got you, Roger. I got you.” I just hold him for a few minutes, stroking his hair while he sobs and buries his nose at my neck. I didn't expect such a violent reaction, we'll have to talk about it as soon as he calms down.  
He trembles in my arms, so much so that I cannot loosen the knots of the ropes.  
“I hold you tight, do you hear? Lean on me, relax, everything is good. We'll go to bed together; you can sit down and I'll free you from the ropes.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Nick meets Giovanna

As soon as he`s all free, he jerked away from me and for a slip second I fear that he might just run away.  
Instead, he grabs the champagne bottle out of the cooler and emptied it straight out.  
“Would you at least look at me, luv?”   
“I`m scared.” He says quietly.  
“You're scared to look at me?”

“No, I am afraid of myself. I'm afraid of these desires.”  
“Don`t be! There`s nothing to be afraid of. With me, you can let that happen. I'll take care of you.”  
“That's the point! I mean, look at me. Do I look like someone you have to watch out for? I'm not a fucking weakling!”  
“There's nothing weak about being able to let yourself go.”  
“You're manipulating me, I don't like that, Nick!”  
“Manipulation is a part of domination, Roger. But you always have the final word! And I will always stick to it. You decide what you will allow. I realized back then what you were, and I can't think of anything more wonderful than going this way with you, figuring out what we can experience together. You're so amazing, Roger! You're something very special. Please don't be ashamed of it.”  
“Who or what am I, Nick?”  
“You are an incredibly strong person with a deep need to submit to someone. The sexual power of it frightens you. You can't express your wishes because you think they're somehow wrong. Ridiculous or perverse. You are still damn stubborn and you want to be taken down, you are a fighter who wants to be overpowered and you have to be forced to face your needs.”  
“I've never considered being led naked through an SM club. I've never even considered that more people might be involved than you and me.”  
“It's always you and me, Roger. It's all just about what we both want. If you let me take the lead, it's my job to make sure you enjoy it without fear, whether we're alone or in a club. That's what I meant by taking care of you. There will be many situations like this, and I will always hold you. You just have to let that happen, you stubborn thing! Now come here, cuddle and smooch. That's an order!”  
As we lie under the blanket, his warm, solid body firmly clinging to mine, the end of the belt in my hand, he whispers barely audibly.  
"Not necessarily tomorrow, but sometime."  
He doesn't have to explain to me what this is about.

"Yes, Roger, eventually, that and much more.”

I have a horrible Déjà vu when I wake up.  
He`s gone!   
My heartbeat speeds up to a dangerous rate before I hear the laughter.  
It`s John.  
A glance at the watch on the nightstand informs me it`s still in the middle of the night, close to three, and I reluctantly get out of the bed to check whatever is going on in my living room.  
I stand in the doorway to the room for what feels like an eternity, watching the two men sitting on the couch.  
Roger and JT, my lover and my best friend, both dressed in tees and shorts only, barefoot. The shorter one still has a leather belt dangling down his neck, a sight that makes my heart jolt.  
Either he has become so accustomed to wearing it that he has simply forgotten to take it off, or he is fully aware of what this little utensil says. The latter would be a first step away from his fears and the shame he feels for his needs. Sure, it`s John, and Roger knows that he can trust him with everything, but still…it`s a commitment. Plus, Gela is around and even if she`s not with them, there`s a chance that she`ll wake up just like I did and then she`d see it, too.  
I feel an incredible pride in Roger. My lover shows clearly that he`s more than a lover, that he`s my sub.  
Besides, it's nice to see them laughing together. Just like old times.   
As opposed as they may be, they have always had a special connection. John was almost as devastated as I was when Roger left.  
“We're being watched.” My friend chuckles, pointing his sharp chin in my direction.  
“Am I interrupting a Taylor conspiracy?” I grin.  
“No, not at all! We only blasphemed about this control-mad keyboarder!” Nigel wiggles his brows.   
“I'm so glad I can spank at least one of you for this! Is there some coffee left?”   
“I'll make some!” Roger is so fast passing me that I can only shake my head and look after him.  
“Man! Somebody's enjoying serving you, Controller, huh?”  
“Don't make fun of it, John!” I sit in the armchair opposite him.  
“I'm not. It just stands out, doesn't it?” he shrugs.  
“I think he was just embarrassed by your stupid blasphemous line.”  
“More likely by your little subtle threat about spanking his ass, I`d say. You two are too cute!”  
“Cute? You are calling me cute?”  
“Ah, of course, you are not cute, evil Master! You're so smitten, you light up from the inside just looking at him. With all due respect, evil Master, that is indeed totally sweet! Now go after him and take him in your arms, he seems a little confused. I found him sitting here in the dark about an hour ago and I think he was crying a little.”  
John hasn't finished this sentence yet, I'm already halfway to the kitchen.  
Roger leans against the kitchen counter and watches the coffee dripping into the pot as if it were incredibly exciting.  
He shrugs violently as I put my hand on his shoulder.  
“Damn it, Nick! Do you have to sneak up on me like that?”  
“I didn't sneak up on you, you were far away. Are you okay? John said you cried.”  
“Taylor, the old tattletale.” He snorts.  
“Roger, you have to tell me if something's wrong!”

“It's all right, Nick. Really. I was just thinking about what you said. And I was...so...I wasn't completely honest with you.”  
“I see.” That`s all I`m saying. I just hold him tight and wait for him to tell me of his own accord.  
“All these years... I had... there were these fantasies. Intense fantasies. With others. And not just as onlookers. So, when I said I never thought about such a thing like being naked in a club…that was a lie.”  
“I see.”   
“Are you mad at me?” 

“No. Thank you for telling me. Why did you cry?”

“Because I wasn't honest with you. Because I was ashamed. It is not so easy to be honest, neither to you nor to myself. Especially when it comes to sex. These things confuse me, Nick. To have something like that in my head was one thing, the thought of really being able to live it... I think I still haven't quite realized that you're really here, that this is all really happening.”  
Roger takes the filled coffee pot and gets a cup for me out of the cupboard.  
“Put that down, Roger.”   
“John is waiting.”  
“John won`t die of waiting a minute longer. Put that down.” I enclose his face with both hands as he does.  
“Listen, handsome, we have all the time in the world to find out if your fantasies are matching with mine, and I am sure many of them will. Don't sit alone in the dark crying when something makes you unsure. Talk to me!”

“I didn't want to wake you.” His mouth corners twitch into what`s almost a smile and I can`t resist tracing his upper lip with my thumb.

“Roger, if there's something bothering you about our relationship, you can always wake me up, ok? Always! I told you I take care of you, and I mean it.”  
“You know, I…goodness, how to express this? The whole *I take care of you *-thing is something I have to get used to. I mean, I appreciate it, I really do, but somewhere in the corner of my mind it makes me feel like I`m a five-year-old…oh well, boy!” he chuckles quietly, leaning his head against my shoulder.   
“You still think it`s a kind of weakness to fully submit to someone. That`s not the case. Roger.”  
“I talked to Ron about that a lot, and he said it`s something you can learn. I want to learn, Nick. I just need time, I guess.”  
“We were a bit too fast, hm? I have to remind myself constantly of the fact that you are completely unexperienced. The most important thing is that we will always talk about such things, ok? We have all the time in the world, no need to rush things. Now lets go back to Nigel. Do you want me to take the belt off?”

“Nope, sir, I don`t want that, if you don`t mind!”

Uh. He tries. He obviously tries hard.

It`s a week after our first night together and I`m over at Roger`s place with Tatjana and all the Taylor kids.  
Roger had an appointment with some guy for drum lessons, which is, as I`ve found out, one of the things he does for a living. Not that he has to do anything, the royalties’ he gets for the Duran Duran songs he`s written all the drum lines for are enough for his needs, he just wants to practise drumming and share his knowledge.  
John and Gela are picking up Atlanta from the airport and once they will be back, we would drive to Roger`s farmhouse in Gloucestershire. Ron is already there with his son Samuel.  
James goes to open the door when someone rang the bell and only seconds later I find myself face to face with Roger`s ex-wife, Giovanna. We stare at each other for what seems to be forever.  
It`s so awkward! I was I no way prepared to meet her. Goodness, it`s ridiculous! We used to be friends, sort of. She was there from the beginning and we always got along very well.   
But then, I`m probably not a friend any more since she knows about what happened in Philadelphia.  
Gio is the first of us finding her voice.  
“Kids, would you leave us alone for a minute or two?”   
When we are alone in the kitchen, a little smile creeps over her face.  
“Nick Rhodes. What an unexpected surprise! Sorry, you caught me off-guard. I should`ve known you are around, but…well. This is awkward, isn`t it?”  
“It is! I don`t know what to say, Gio, I…”  
“I'm unarmed and I'm happy to see you.”  
“Are you?”   
“Unarmed? Si, I swear!” Wiggling her brows, she makes me laugh.  
“And you're not gonna strangle me if I get up and hug you now?”  
“15 years ago, I would have, Nick. Maybe even 3 years ago when he finally told me. But, you know, I like you. I really like you!” she shrugs.  
“Believe it or not, but I like you, too!” With that, I finally get up, cross the small distance between us and take her in a heartily embrace.  
It turns out that she came by because Elliot had forgotten his plushie.  
“He just can`t sleep without this frog. Funny thing. We went shopping for the baby shortly before birth and the woman at the cashier recognized Rog, so she gave us that ugly Froggy-plushie.”

“Goodness, how much he hated that nickname!” I chuckle.  
“Speaking of nicknames, how`s our dear Tigger?”  
“Sober, healthy and still the long-legged goofball he always was. He must be back at any minute, I bet he`ll be happy to meet you!”  
“Oh fuck! I`m so rude! Your daughter is here, isn`t she? And I just sent her off without any greeting! James told me about her and their shared love for the 80s.”  
“Meeting James was really spooky! Both John and I were speechless at first.”  
“Before we let the kids back in, I…ack, this is weird, but I have to ask you, whatever you do, you and Rog, what is beyond kissing and…well, let`s call it * normal sex* or whatever, don`t let the kids see any of it, okay?”  
“Giovanna! I assure you, we…”  
“I just wanted to say it, huh? No details! I talked to Ron about this, you know, a few years ago, because I wanted to understand, but that made things worse for me. So, please, I …I want Roger to be happy, and I`m glad that you are back in his life, the kids like you a lot and all, but …no details, yeah? And now I wanna meet your daughter.”  
The last word isn`t spoken yet on that issue, but with all the kids around I have to let it be for now.  
To say Roger is surprised as he walks in about thirty minutes later, finding his ex-wife sitting in the kitchen talking to Tatji about professional dancing would be quite an understatement, but seeing the former couple hugging each other was kind of relieving. There`s obviously no bad blood between them and I can`t help but deeply respecting Giovanna for that. 

After a *family weekend* at the countryside Roger and I spend the night at his place, since my apartment is now occupied by three Taylors.   
Since I`m still not comfortable with drinking when JT is around and it turned out to be an unspoken agreement for Ron and Roger as well not to have any alcohol over the weekend, I enjoy the heavy red we have with the ordered pizza even more, especially with Roger snuggled up to me on the couch.  
“Giovanna told me she talked to Ron about all this SM-stuff” I say, letting a strand of his hair flow through my fingers.  
He tenses noticeable in my arms.  
“What was, in fact, not one of his best ideas.” He growls.  
“You two worked it out, Gio and you, right?”  
“Oh yes, we did. See, I always loved her and I think in some way I still do. She is not only the mother of my kids, she`s my best friend. Always been. We went to couple therapy together, all that, and Ron thought knowing things would help her, but I`m afraid she was utterly disgusted. But then, it helped. We both realized that there`s nothing we can do to safe our marriage. Took us a while , but we managed to stay friends somehow. I still wish Ron wouldn`t have showed her pics, though. Of him and Tim doing scenes. He said he did it on purpose, fully aware it would shock her to the bones.”  
“Why the fuck would he do that?”  
“He wanted us to face the ugly truth. That there won`t be any future for us as a couple. I …you know, I was still hoping that we could find a way, me living this out in clubs or something, with her knowledge and us still being married, but Ron said I was lying to myself yet again, that what I want can't be lived out in a club in a few hours a month or so.”  
“I freely admit that I agree with him at that point. Perhaps, viewed from this angle, it actually was one of his best ideas!”  
“He still could have done it without any anal sex close-ups, huh? Which ex-wife likes to imagine her former husband with a man's fist up his ass? In an ass that also glows green, blue and red?”

Uh! Bloody fuck! Well, Gio finds this image most probably quite terrible, I find it unbelievably horny. Almost by itself my grip of Roger`s hair tightens and my tone changes when I ask:  
“Did her ex-husband like the picture though?”  
More tension. He tries to get away from my grip, writhes uncomfortably.   
“I asked you a question, Roger!”  
“I…uhm…not sure.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Nick takes the next step

“I really have never met someone who gets so uncomfortable just talking about sex” I chuckle

“Since I doubt you would be the one with a fist up your ass, please allow me to be a wee bit worried about this thought, yeah? I admit, it has something downright thrilling, but I will be fine with your cock for a while!” he blurts, his cheeks blushing ever so lovely.  
“You run into your defiance when it gets too much, don't you? Quite childish defence mechanism, huh?” I smirk, quite sure that he noticed how hard I had to bite back the laughter forming in my throat.  
“You like to put me over your knee like a naughty child, so that's pretty fitting!” he grins.  
“Roger, if you want to get your ass spanked, just ask me.”  
His blush deepens and he turns away to reach for his wine glass. I wait until he takes a sip, then I grab his chin and force him to look at me.  
“Would you like me to spank you? You don't have to answer, I know how hard this is for you. We'll do it differently, Roger. If you want it, you will go into the kitchen and get one of your pretty wooden spoons. Before you kneel down in front of me with your spoon properly, take your clothes off. In the kitchen.”  
This wasn`t planned, it just happens. Maybe it`s that blush, his sweet shyness.  
The thought just hit me with such a force I couldn`t resist and I get hard the moment I speak it out.  
Watching Roger`s face while he makes his decision is heaven, especially since I still have my fingers closed around his chin and he can`t avoid my gaze.  
When his lips move for what I assume is an unspoken *yes* I let him go and he`s on his feet in a split second. I look after him as he leaves the room, hardly stifling a quite undominant giggle.  
I think what fascinates me most about Roger is this absolute lack of duplicity. There hasn't been a hint of falsehood about this man ever.  
As stupid as it may sound, I think that's one of the reasons why it's sometimes so hard for him to obey. He clearly sees himself as strong, both physically and mentally, which he undoubtedly is, and he would never pretend that won`t be the case.  
It is not difficult for him to be sexually submissive, but outside a clearly sexual context it's often hard for him to surrender.  
We talked a lot about it in the days after our first night and I suggested that we start by limiting the whole thing to exactly that, the purely sexual part, but he pointed out that he is eager to learn and that he`d never learn if we don't practice. He likes serving me very much and is incredibly attentive in recognizing my needs without me having to pronounce them, from the desired cup of coffee to the back massage after a hard day. However, the physical reaction associated with it often irritates him so much that he fights against it.  
In his own words, what normal person gets an erection because he brings his lover a cup of coffee?  
Well, I replied, probably the perfect counterpart to the one who gets an erection because he gets a cup of coffee.  
To make matters worse, there is the fact that for so long he has vehemently repressed and denied his needs. He is still not fully aware that he no longer has to, still afraid that I would be disgusted or laugh at him.  
Not for the first time I think that it would be helpful for both of us to spend some time with other couples who live the way we want. I am as overwhelmed with many things as he is, after all I have never had such a relationship.  
For Roger it would certainly be good to meet other submissive people to realize that submissiveness is not a weakness.  
And for me to share with other dominants how to live out such a relationship without it becoming too exhausting or unhealthy.  
I know a gorgeous lesbian couple who regularly invite guests to their home in Wales over the weekend or even longer to live out their special relationships undisturbed, undisturbed by children, professional commitments or anything else that could limit the D/s element.  
I had the pleasure of being a guest two or three times, even though they usually only accept couples. The pop star bonus, as Lauren called it. Lauren, the submissive part, is a big Duran fan. Her wife, Claudia, allowed my presence only to make her happy.  
Funny enough Lauren won a meet and greet at a DD-show and it took me just seconds to sense the nature of her relationship with Claudia when I met them first backstage, so we ended up in my hotel room talking all night long.  
I should give them a call.  
My thoughts are interrupted by Roger's appearance. His sight makes my heart beat faster.  
“Did I tell you today how beautiful you are, my darling? My handsome, strong man.”  
After telling me how puzzling he finds it when I call him *boy*, I try not to do that anymore. For now, at least.  
“Thank you, sir.”  
“Come here, luv. Don`t let me wait any longer.”  
In an almost graceful movement he kneels before me.  
As hackneyed as that may be, this kneeling, I find it beautiful. And for Roger it still helps to become calm, to find his inner peace. The start for his journey into subspace.  
I let a few minutes pass, minutes in which I neither touch nor address him to give us some time.  
Except for a few blows with my bare hand I didn't beat him yet. It will be a premiere and we are both only too well aware of that.  
He carefully puts the wooden cooking spoon he brought with him in my lap, which seems like some kind of starting signal, something to tell me he's ready.  
I pick it up and see if it's suitable for my purposes. Smooth surface, no unevenness, no splinters. Beautiful oiled olive wood. Too good to cook, as made for Roger's butt.  
“Good choice, my darling. Lie over my thights, ass up.”  
His excitement is evident as he does what is called. The hard cock throbs against my thigh and I`m sure to find a huge wet spot on my pants later.  
I wonder if the pain is enough to make him come, whether he is able to sexualize it in such a way that it requires no further touch except rubbing against my leg.  
I still want him to ask me to beat him, but I'm not ordering him to. I will make him do it.  
I gently stroke him with that spoon, let the grip slide into his ass crack, interrupt the contact and let him wait for the blow that won't come. Repeat it. Repeat is once more. And again.  
After somewhat ten minutes he`s a quivering mess under my hands. Well, under the spoon, rather.  
“Nick..” he gasps, then again, a breathless, almost howled “Nick.”  
“Yes, darling?”  
“Please!”  
I tap a slow rhythm on his hot, waiting skin.  
“Oh, God, Nick! Please! Please hit me!”  
"Like this?" I grin.  
It's still more stroking than beating, it doesn't even make a sound.  
“Harder! Hit me harder! Please. I can't stand this anymore! God, please!”  
The moment he turns his head to look at me with big, pleading eyes, I do as he wishes, not holding back a wee bit.  
His screaming sounds like nothing but pleasure, although it certainly hurts a lot. I hit him fast and hard and he has no choice but to surrender and let himself fall into pain. His screams become sweet, devotional moans.  
Blissful little sighs, then violent sobs when I hit the same spots over and over again, well aware that every strike hurts more than the one before when the wood meets already tortured skin.  
He trembles, but makes no attempt to escape the blows. The heat of his body creeps through the fabric of my trousers, his back is drenched in sweat, a glittering, deliciously smelling layer of visible lust over twitching muscles.  
After a long drawn-out *aaaaah* he suddenly becomes completely silent and for a split second I fear that he passed out. Then I feel the dampness. Sticky, sweet moisture that can be felt through my trousers just like the warmth of his skin. I wish I'd taken my clothes off. I wish I could feel his cum on my bare skin, wish I'd felt him coming.  
“ I'm sorry, sir.” Roger mumbles, barely to understand because he still needs to fill his lungs with air. “That came quickly. Literally. Fucking fast. I couldn't stop it, I'm sorry.”  
He lets out yet another small sigh. “I think I`m utterly perverted.”

That night I take Roger from behind for the first time. He's on all fours and his ass shining in all colours is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

John, Gela and Atlanta are coming over for brunch the next day.  
Something has changed noticeably between Roger and me. I couldn't put it in words, but we're almost stuck together, can't keep our hands off each other.  
It is downright sexy when he stands at the stove and looks very closely at the wooden spatula with which he is preparing the scrambled eggs and which apparently comes from the same set as the cooking spoon that is now in his bedroom.  
“I can read your mind.” I whisper in his ear, giving his ass a quick squeeze.  
“The fact that I can't even cook food without getting an erection is extremely unpleasant, especially when a child is sitting at the table.” He mutters quietly.  
“I could get you a penis cage. There are certainly some made of olive wood.” I chuckle.  
“Could we talk about this when there aren't eight-year-olds in the house? I swear to you, Nick, I'll beat you up with this thing if you don't stop.”  
“I doubt it! It's enough if you beat your drums, dearest!”  
A little later we are all sitting at the table, although Roger would have preferred to stand, according to the expression on his face.  
Me, I`m thinking of penis cages, goodness.  
John and I are cleaning the kitchen after the meal, although Roger is all the way against it.  
“Rog, you stubborn mule, go into the living room with my wife and daughter, yeah? I bet your couch is very comfortable, huh?” JT winks.

He closes the door behind the three and turns to me.  
“I must protest vehemently, Nicholas James Bates! You can't spank him! He must still be able to sit! Think of something else.”  
“Is it that obvious?”  
“If you pay attention to it, it is. And since I find your... uh, let me call it dynamic, extremely exciting, I pay heed. I'm glad it's working out between you guys. Atlanta thinks you're really cute. Nevertheless, you might want to hold back a little bit.”  
“You`re right, Nigel, I`m sorry!”  
“It's okay, it's just us now, so tell me! Was it the cane?”  
“No. A wooden spoon. Very effective. Speaking of dynamics, would you guys be very angry if Roger and I took off for a few days? I'm afraid I'm a little too rash about certain things and I'd like to visit Claudia's and Lauren's enchanting estate. I called Lauren this morning. They'll have a room for us tomorrow. You remember that I told you about this place?”  
“I sure do! And I remember them both. Such an amazing couple. I think it was the first time I met someone out of your scene knowingly. You don't have to ask permission if you want time for yourselves, Nick.”  
“Lauren doesn't know who I'm bringing and Roger doesn't know anything yet. I'm not sure how he reacts, but I'd like to surprise him with it.”  
“You mean catch him off guard!” John chuckles.  
“I'll tell him when we get there. If he doesn't like it, we'll turn back. I explained to Lauren that he is a beginner and she thinks the people who are there right now would be good. Nobody with extreme preferences. All married couples who are looking for some child-free time. No other male couple, but two experienced male subs. I think we could both learn a lot.”  
“You told me about very strict rules. Do you think Roger is ready yet?”  
Isn't John just wonderful? What gay pervert has such an understanding hetero friend?  
“I think Roger likes rules. He just finds it a little disturbing, so it might be good if he met people outside the gay scene who feel similar and no longer feel ashamed or questioned about it.”  
“Yeah” he nods. “ Makes sense.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Roger meets Lauren

Fuck! Roger's pissed. Really mad.  
His car stands ten yards from the big gate, the entrance to the property.  
On the driver's seat is the collar and leash I bought this morning. Roger stands in front of the car and smokes. I hear him scold.  
Enthusiasm definitely looks different.  
I get out sighing.  
"Listen, we can just turn back! I thought you'd like it.”

“I didn't drive three hours for nothing, Nick! My ass fucking hurts, the streets out here are fucking crap and I can`t even count all the potholes we hit…”  
“I bought you this high-tech gel pillow. May I kindly remind you that you stubborn mule refused to take it?”  
“ You should have just told me where we`d go. I don't know these people, I've never been naked in front of any strangers and this feeding thing is really weird. I've told you before, I'm not a little child! I am quite able to eat myself, with knife and fork, from a plate, sitting at a table!”  
I really have to try hard not to laugh. He's kind of cute when he's angry.

“They're all adults, Roger. Adult people who find it nice to kneel next to the person they love and be fed by them. You said you wanted to learn. We can both learn from these people. Claudia and Lauren are great, you will love them. I don't know the others either, but I trust Lauren when she says they are couples who are suitable as a company for beginners like us.”

“You're not a rookie, Nick! You've had so many men, I can hardly count them.”  
“False time for unfounded jealousy! You know I've never had a relationship. Let's go back or go in, your decision.”

“I have to be naked all the time. I have to kneel next to you while eating and you will feed me. What else? Oh yes, collar and leash. Should I push a plug with a dog's tail up my ass and bark like Miles?” he blurts.  
“You're neither a toddler nor a dog, Roger. Even if you're acting like a rabid Rottweiler at the moment. Just say you don't want it if you really don't, and we'll go back to the next town and find a room. We could also stay here over night, we don`t have to leave our private room, we can have dinner in there and leave in the morning. You don`t have to meet anyone, the rules apply only to the dining room and the play areas.”  
“Oh yes, play areas! I completely forgot about the play areas! Not only would I have to be naked, no, Sir! You're even considering putting on a show with me in front of everyone!”

“I'm not doing anything you don't want me to do. The fact that there are playing possibilities doesn't mean that you have to use them.”  
“Who were you here with, Nick? Who ever it was, I bet he liked playing in public, huh? Not like the embarrassed little stubborn Roger.”  
Ah. Funny thing. I guess a not so small part of his rage is based on the thought that I shared this place with someone before.   
“I was only allowed to be here because Lauren is a fan. I had the incredible honour to be the only single man who`s ever been in these holy halls.”  
His expression changes in an instant. It's like taking the wind out of his anger's sails.  
“How many couples are there?”  
“Five, including us, plus Claudia and Lauren. It`s always five couples, one left this morning , so there`s a room for us. Lauren said there are two Femdoms with male subs and two male Doms with their women. Claudia is always happy to have at least one same sex couple among the guests.”  
“And we can leave at any time if it gets too much for me?”  
“Your safe word is valid all the time, Roger. No matter where we are and who is there.” I packed something else, something he'll use instead of a safe word, but telling him about it now would probably be very unwise.

“Would you leave me alone for a minute? I have to think.”  
“Take your time. I wait in the car.”  
It takes a quarter of an hour before he sits in the driver's seat without a word and starts the engine.  
I can't stop grinning as he rolls down the window and speaks into the intercom next to the gate.  
“It`s Nick Rhodes and his sub.”  
A joyful squeak sounds from the speaker.  
Lauren, of course.  
"Nicky, you cute little villain! I'm so happy!”  
The gate wings swing open and we drive up the driveway to the house at walking pace.

“That's impressive, cute little villain.” Roger chuckles, glancing at the Victorian building.  
“Lauren only dares to call me that because I can't beat her up. But I can beat YOU up, don't forget that.” I smirk.   
The massive entrance door is pushed open and Lauren bounces out, her broad smile visible all the way up here.  
“Goodness, a fairy!” Rog mumbles quietly.  
“She's beautiful, isn't she?” The car hasn't stopped yet, I'm already out of the passenger door and have the petite little woman in my arms.  
“You're really bringing someone? I'm dying of curiosity!” she beams.  
“I bet you`ll be very surprised.”   
Her eyes widen, her mouth forms a silent *oh.*  
Apparently, my lover got out of the car.  
“Am I being fucked around here right now, Nick? Was that Claudia's idea?”  
“I don't know what you're talking about. Roger, come here, say hello to Lauren. Lauren, this is Roger.”

“Fucking hell, Nicholas, I know who that is! Come on, you guys are having fun with little Lauren. No way Roger two hands Taylor is your sub!”  
“Well, at least I'm trying to be. Pleased to meet you, Lauren.”  
“Seriously? Honestly, if this is a stupid joke, you're taking it too far!”  
“I swear, no kidding.” My darling smiles.  
“Oh! My! God! I…fuck! Can I hug you?”  
“Sure you can!” The dainty Lauren almost vanishes in Roger's arms.  
“Please don't hold it against me, but I won't believe it until I see you at dinner together! It's only an hour, you probably want to freshen up or something. I'll show you your room. Let me take your luggage.”  
“Thank you, Lauren, but I'll take care of it.” Roger steps back to get our stuff out of the trunk.  
“Did you actually know that you're just my second favourite band member?” Lauren whispers and I plant a kiss on her forehead. “I totally understand you, little fairy.”  
“We follow her into the large entrance hall and Roger makes an appreciative whistle. “Very noble.”

“Yeah, isn't it? That is why the Dominants are expected to wear evening clothes. No fetish stuff or anything like that. I guess Nick explained the rules?”   
“Yes, just before we arrived. I brought my suit for nothing, didn't I?” Roger shrugs, blushing yet again while we make our way up the stairs.  
“ You didn't know what was coming?” she wonders.  
“Not at all.”  
Lauren's giving me the evil eye before she hands me the key to our room.

“Wow!” Roger says when I come out of the bathroom. “You are stunning, Nick Rhodes!”  
“So are you, handsome!”  
“You're wearing a little more than I am.”  
“I believe that this suit in the trunk would look very good on you, but I like you even better without it. You're incredibly sexy.”  
“I'm pretty nervous. Explain to me again what is going to happen at first.”  
“We're going down to the lounge now. There we have a pre-dinner drink and meet the others. They've all been here a few days and want to get to know us. This is nothing formal, you greet each other, you talk.”  
“I don't have to kneel and I can hold my own glass?”  
“If it helps you, you're welcome to kneel. But it is only required in the dining room.”  
“What about the collar and leash?”  
“This is also only mandatory in the dining room.”  
“May I have it now, please? I'd like to be close to you all the time.”  
My heart is making a little leap of joy as he slips from the bed and kneels before me.  
“I'm asking for the collar, sir.”  
“My pleasure, darling. I'm very proud of you, beautiful!”  
My hands tremble a little as I put the collar on him and click in the leash.  
A bit more than an hour ago, I was afraid he'd be mad at me for the rest of the day, I'm also pretty nervous, which I hope he doesn't notice.  
“I'd like you to wear the leather cuffs as well to fasten your wrists behind your back when we get to the dining room. I think that would help you. Am I right?”  
“Yes, sir.”  
This is going better than I thought. Much better.  
He willingly holds his wrists out to me.   
The matching snap hook to connect the cuffs is in my pocket. I also have a small bag with me, the contents of which I may need in case Roger gets his stubborn five minutes again.  
“Let me know when you`re ready, darling.”  
He takes a few deep breaths, his head resting against my thigh.  
“I think we can go now, Nick.”

When we stand in front of the closed door to the lounge, he reaches for my hand.  
“Would you hold me, please? Or is that against any rules?”  
“I don't think so. Wait a minute.”  
I attach the end of his leash to my belt, where also the small bag is hanging.  
Intertwining my fingers with his, I pull him close for a deep kiss.   
“By the way, it is always allowed to snog. I'm going to open the door. You look fantastic.”  
“I feel extremely naked.” He sighs, squeezing my hand almost painfully.  
“Half of all those present are extremely naked.”  
The babble of voices ends abruptly as we enter, the glances are almost physically felt.  
Then Lauren's well-known squeaking can be heard.  
I know she would love to hug us again right away, but this time Claudia has the right to welcome us officially.  
The sight of this woman is, as always, impressive. She wears a floor-long blood-red velvet dress, her deep black hair artfully pinned up. Even a thoroughly gay man like me finds it hard not to stare at her luscious breasts, which are perfectly staged by the corset-like top.  
“Nicholas, my dear friend! How nice to have you with us again! I'm very pleased that you were able to convince your loved one to be our guest. If you don't mind, Roger, I really must say you're a most delightful sight! Welcome to Winfield House.”  
Contrary to this quite formal greeting, she takes us both in her arms one after the other.  
“Let me introduce you to the others before Lauren sticks to you like a burr. You really should have warned me, Nicholas! Not only that you're bringing another guy from her favourite band, but also Roger of all people. She still thinks you're joking with her.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How ro make new friends

I don`t let go of Roger`s hand as we follow the lady further into the room. He`s still extremely tensed and hasn`t said a word yet. More out of shame than submissiveness, he keeps his gaze lowered, his cheeks glowing in a delightful red.  
A tall, dark-skinned man steps forward and offers me his hand.  
“Lucas. Nice to meet you. This is my wife Cora.”  
“Lucas, Cora, a pleasure. Nick, me. That`s Roger, my beloved.”  
Cora's skin has the colour of café au lait, her large almond-shaped eyes meet mine without any shyness. She seems much more comfortable naked than Roger. I like the two of them right away, especially as they look at Roger with a little smile, but respect that he apparently doesn't tolerate any contact at the moment.  
The next couple is a surprise, though, as they both are clearly at least 20 years older than us.  
This time the man is the naked one. I immediately liked Cora and Lucas, but this man...incredible! 

His hair is almost white, his eyes deep blue.  
"I am Arthur. My wife, my everything, Nadine.”

I have never seen a more contrasting couple. Arthur tall and thin, Nadine small and chubby. The epitome of a loving grandmother. I will find out in the next few days how much this impression is deceiving.  
These two also only shake hands with me and leave Roger alone,but I realize Arthur's looking at him very closely, a little frown on his forehead.

We meet Toby and Marianne as well as Tarek and Ella.  
That means I meet them. Roger still looks at the floor and avoids eye contact.  
Even Lauren's holding back, just hugging me.  
She looks a little worried, her expression similar to Arthur's.  
The latter joins us after we have finished the introduction round.  
“I don't mean to be disrespectful, young Master, but your man looks like he could use a drink. Why don't you come with me to the bar?”  
For the first time since we entered the room, Roger raises his head and smiles cautiously.  
I could kiss Arthur for it.  
"You look like the martini kind of guy.” He says quietly, as if not trusting his voice yet.  
"Stirred, not shaken. With an olive“ the older one nods.  
Finally, Rog lets go of my hand, holding his out for Arthur.  
“Roger.”  
“Art, for friends, dear. Let me guess. Hm, it`s champagne for Nick, you definitely need something stronger. A gin, perhaps?”  
“Gladly! If you don`t mind, Nicholas?”  
“I`m all in, luv.”  
Little by little everyone else joins us at the bar. Arthur broke the ice.  
Lauren mixes drinks behind the counter, winking at me as she notices that Roger slowly relaxes.  
“May we hear your story? I'm still completely overwhelmed, honestly.” She leans over the wooden bar, resting her chin in her palm.  
“I'd like to leave it to Roger if he wants to talk about it.” I say, ruffling his hair.  
“Please!” Cora begs, making him laugh.  
“Oh yes, please!” Toby applauds. “I`m so curious it hurts, and believe me, pain isn`t my thing!”  
“Ha!” Lauren blurts out. “ So you know who they are, huh?”  
“Please, Lauren! Who doesn`t?” the dominant laughs.  
“I can't get rid of the feeling that I missed something important.” Arthur shrugs.  
“Wait, Art, my darling, I'll show you.” The fairy turns to fumble with the CD player behind, and seconds later the well-known tunes of *A view to a kill* are floating out of the speakers.  
“Oh, that`s a Bond-song, isn`t it? So what is it about? Are you actors or something?”  
“They made this song, Arthur! The band is called Duran Duran, ever heard of it?” Tarek, the other male submissive, asks.  
“Duran…oh…oh, yes! Her name is Rio! Blimey, wait! You`re the bassist…no, the keyboarder! And Roger…sorry, I don`t know.”

“See, Nick? I told you that drummers are interchangeable!”  
“If you hadn't run away, you wouldn't have had to be replaced, stubborn mule!”  
“I had my reasons, if you remember. So, what happened is this…”  
Lauren turns the music down and everyone listens eagerly as Roger starts telling the story. Starting with the failed gig, he doesn't skip much. Not the belt, not his confusion and his guilty conscience towards his wife. Not years of repression, his coming out, our reunion in a gay sadomaso club.  
There's general silence when he ended.  
I am deeply touched by his honesty and I am not the only one.  
“Oh boy!” Arthur mutters and I swear his eyes are wet with tears. “You've come a long way, little drummer. You're not alone, you know? I remember all too well the fear, the shame. This feeling of being a perverted weirdo.”  
“Tell me about it. I grew up in a culture where men have the authority. To obey a woman? Unthinkable! Being aroused by this? Only pussies like that! Sick, abnormal perverts.” Tarek joins in.  
“I am extremely happy that you are a sick abnormal pervert, my love!” Ella smiles, kissing him deeply.  
“To the sick, abnormal perverts!” Lucas raises his glass.  
Roger flings his arms around my waist, burying his nose at the crook of my neck.  
“Thank you. Thank you for bringing me here.” He whispers. My heart melts.  
“I hate to interrupt, my dears, but the food is served. If you would please follow me to the dining room.”  
Roger frowned at Claudia`s announcement, the tension comes back with all its force.  
"Don't worry, kid! You'll be all right. It is beautiful, you will see.”

Arthur gently lays his hand on his shoulder.  
We smile knowingly at each other, Art and I. I wasn't the only one who noticed that Roger's dick straightened up with a twitch.

Like every new dominant guest, I deserve the honour of sitting at the head end of the large dining table. To my left, Roger kneels on a thick velvet cushion, his hands tied on his back, the leash wrapped around one table leg. My hand lies on his head while I talk to Lucas, who sits over corner next to Roger, Cora also on her knees and leashed up next to him. During the meal the subs have to be silent unless they are asked something.  
I have already experienced erotic games during dinner here, and I'm more than excited about how the evening will go.

The harder things take place in the adjoining room after the delicious selection of food and drinks.  
All the delicacies served can be eaten with the fingers and next to each plate is a bowl of water to clean yourself. But I won't use it, I have a better idea.  
Roger doesn't seem to remember how stupid he thought it was to be fed.

Anyway, he seems to enjoy the evening very much now, to have found his peace. After every bite he takes from me with soft lips, he lovingly licks my fingers.  
“Your lover is extraordinarily colourful. May I ask what caused this very intense colour?” Lucas asks with a twisted smile, knowing too well that Roger hears every word.  
“You may. It was a pretty wooden spoon made of olive wood.”  
“Ah. Pretty, indeed. So, pain, huh? Cora used to like it a lot, but since the birth of our son she can't take that much. We're here to work on it. Far away from everyday life.”  
“It's not easy to live with kids around, is it?” Nadine, who sits right to me, interferes. “As much as we love our grandchildren, we are relieved every time they leave. We've been coming here twice a year for over ten years. Such a wonderful place.”  
I bend over to Roger to give him a sip from my wine glass.  
Claudia, coming around the table asking everyone if everything is to their liking, stops just beside us as he spills a few drops of red wine.  
“I'm beginning to sense what Lauren meant when she spoke of you as *Two hands Taylor*, my dear. Glad to see you feel comfortable here!” she smiles down at him, making him blush heavily.  
When he tries in vain to hide his erection, he presses his legs tightly together.  
“Keep your legs apart and kneel upright when Madame Claudia talks to you.” I say quietly but surely.  
I'm almost expecting a defiant reaction, but he's obeying.  
“Very pretty, Nicholas. He'll need some more training, but he's learning fast. I hope we can witness this development. It's so much fun to see how horny it makes these little sluts, isn't it?”  
Claudia loves to tease the subs a little. She would never touch anyone without permission, but she won't let her little verbal games be taken.  
“It wouldn't be any fun, Claudia, if it didn't make them horny.” I wink.  
“I guess that's true. Oh, you didn't use your bowl at all. Do you need warmer water, my dear?”  
Surely she has watched me and surely she wants to see a demonstration of how very erotically my fingers are cleaned.  
“Not necessary, Claudia. There's a very sweet mouth that's very warm.”  
Roger moans quietly as I push two fingers past his lips. I'm positively surprised when he starts sucking right away. I add a third finger and fuck him literally in the mouth, slow and lascivious.  
“Such a good boy. How much he likes that! Look, he's dripping. Can I hold his head? He has such beautiful hair.”  
Roger's slightly veiled gaze meets mine. His nod is barley to be seen. Goodness, he is completely gone. Clearly, viewers turn him on.  
Nadine and Lucas have meanwhile got up to have a better view, which he certainly noticed, and suddenly we are surrounded by everyone, including the naked subs.  
Claudia stands behind Roger, grabs his hair with both hands and pulls his head back. At this angle I can push my fingers deep into Roger's throat.  
He swallows hard, tries to fight the gag reflex.

“Easy. Breathe through the nose. Open your mouth wide. Well done! You're doing great, darling.”I soothe.  
This is utterly overwhelming. Some may say, what, it`s only a finger fuck, nothing special, not in a place like this, but yet alone BEING here is amazing. Being here with Roger, with a naked, collared Roger, who sucks my fingers in front of ten other people while one of them holds his head back. This is already much more than I thought possible.  
Four fingers. Wow.  
I'll stop as soon as Roger starts gagging, I slide from the chair and take him firmly in my arms.

Claudia let him go right away, of course.  
"Come, my dear ones, let's give these two some privacy.”  
Without a word our new friends are leaving the room.  
Roger leans coughing against my shoulder and while I`m stroking his back, I open the carabiner hook of his cuffs.  
“Have a sip of water, luv. Better?”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to make plans

“Fuck! What the hell was that?” he blurts, his puzzled look making me laugh.  
“A little short distance flight, huh?”  
“A pretty high flight. That's a little scary, actually.” He shudders.  
“What exactly? That you obviously like being naked in front of other people?"  
"No. But I...if you hadn't stopped..."   
“But I stopped.”  
“That`s not it. If you hadn't stopped...I wouldn't have minded. Oh god, Nick! I would have... I would have puked. In front of everyone and it wouldn't have bothered me at that moment. THAT is frightening.”  
“It just shows how deep you can go into subspace if you allow it. That's beautiful!”  
“It`s beautiful that I almost puked?”   
“It's beautiful you're actually able to give me complete control. I will always take care of you. Do you understand that now? Do you understand that it doesn't mean that you are a little child, but that I want you to let yourself go completely without being afraid? You may allow that, Roger. It's nice to fly so high, isn't it? And I will always catch you. I'm gonna make sure you don't crash, you know?”  
“I think I finally understood what this is about.”   
“You don't have to fight me. You don't have to fight your feelings. You are safe with me. I love you, I love how you are. You never have to be afraid.”  
Roger starts crying. It's a good cry, a liberating one.  
We sit on the floor in the dining room for a whole hour until Roger has calmed down a little.  
I just hold him tight. Things are changing between us much faster than I thought. Yes, it is overwhelming. It's fantastic. The focus changes from pain to the D/s component. Now we will slowly but surely find a balance between both.  
“Nick?”  
“Yes, darling?”   
“I really hate to admit it, but…somehow I like it when you call me your boy.”   
God. Why does it turn me on like this, this weepy face, this tender blush?  
“Did you hear what Arthur called his wife? His everything. You are my everything, Roger. And sometimes you are my good boy. Shall we go to our room? “I swear, I say this because I think Roger needs to rest, not because I'd love to fuck him right now. It's been a long day of new experiences and realizations.  
But then, who am I kidding?  
“I would like to talk to the others a bit more, especially Art and Tarek, if I may.”  
“Of course, I told you we'd do anything you wanted.”  
Oh well.   
When we open the heavy door to the adjoining room, a very loud “Holy fuck” escapes from Roger`s mouth and I can`t blame him.

In the middle of the room there`s a large wooden frame that definitely wasn`t there at my last visit.  
Two short metal chains are fixed to the cross beam. Tarek and Arthur's leather handcuffs, similar to those of Roger, are attached to these chains. The men are standing next to each other, Arthur facing the door, Tarek the other way around.  
Little chubby Nadine, who I actually thought was the epitome of a grandmother, has a whip in her hand that is about three times as long as she is. Just the sound that the leather thong makes as it rushes through the air gives me shudders, the impact on Art's back makes me moan almost as loudly as Arthur himself.  
Tarek next to him is being worked over with a cane.  
Quickly I close the door behind us, guiding Roger to the large couch on the side, where Lucas and Toby are already sitting with their subs kneeling to their feet.  
“Is there any room left here, gentlemen?”  
“Sure, you are welcome!” Lucas pets the space beside him, moving a bit to the side. He speaks very quietly so as not to disturb the players.  
Cora giggles as Roger kneels between the women.  
"You could light up the room with your butt" she whispers.  
“That's true. When the ladies are finished with the two, we can turn off the light. My goodness, look at Nadine! You can really learn something from her. Such a small woman with such a huge whip.” Toby says. “She hits harder than I do.”  
“Yeah, but check out Ella's technique. Little effort, high efficiency.” Lucas points out.  
“So, are you the judges here or what?” Guess who it's coming from. His submissive obedience has obviously not lasted long. It's a good thing I have this little bag on my belt. After I fumbled it open, Roger gasps at the sight of it`s contents.   
“Fancy, isn't it? The ball is made of olive wood. Since you like it so much. Now be my good boy and open your mouth.”  
I spontaneously bought a ball gag for Gela this morning when I was looking for collar and leash, after all I promised to give her one for Christmas. As it happened by chance, I also found this one. Funny, I've never seen a gag with a ball of olive wood before.  
I put the wooden ball into Roger's willingly open mouth and fasten the leather straps at the back of his head.  
Then I put the little bell in his hand.  
"Hold on tight. Drop it instead of a safe word if there is a problem.”  
“And if no one makes unnecessarily loud stupid remarks, you can hear that, Roger, you know.” Toby smirks, making his wife laugh. I think that's the first noise I hear from Marianne. It sounds beautiful.  
“She's not usually that shy. It's your appearance. Especially the naked big mouth there, I guess.” Her husband grins as if he read my mind.  
“Well, these three naked ones down there, I think they're really cute. Let's let them cuddle up a bit, shall we? Go get a few pillows for you, Cora.” Lucas winks.  
It's cosy in a very odd way. Three naked people sit on thick pillows on the floor in front of us, Roger in the middle, one arm each around Cora and Marianne, leaning against our legs.   
Together we watch Nadine's strength and Ella's technique, accompanied by the groaning and sighing of the two men, the banging of the whip and the buzzing of the cane.  
The beginning of an incredible week and the cornerstone of wonderful friendships.  
There won't be a hard fuck this night. Roger is soft and cuddly, tame like a kitten. I think what we're doing is wonderful, tender vanilla sex.

In the late morning, after we had breakfast, us dominants are sitting in the smoker`s lounge together. Claudia and Lauren don't have any domestic workers except a cook. Keeping the house and the rooms clean is the responsibility of the subs present.  
Of course, Roger was complaining about it again, which earned him the thankless task of cleaning all the bathrooms.  
Claudia herself checks all the work and if something is not done to her satisfaction, she gives out penalty points. It is then up to the respective dominant to decide what the punishment is.  
“You two are the first gay couple I've met in all the ten years we've been coming here.” Nadine says, pouring herself a coffee.  
“We usually have our own places to go. Most gays like to be among themselves. Which is a pity, if you ask me. But then, homophobia exists even in the SM-scene.” I explain.  
“Idiots are everywhere, unfortunately. Sometimes you have the impression that they are very common in our scene. Especially among so- called dominant men. Female Doms and male subs are often not taken seriously. All those crackpots who think the male command over women is God-given. I admit openly, I haven't had much contact with gay couples, I've never seen a scene between two men, except for your little game last night after dinner, but I like you guys. Will we get to see more? I'd find that very exciting.” Ella joins in.  
“I would have vehemently denied that before dinner last night, but against my expectations Roger seems to like spectators, so who knows? I just hope the gentlemen present would welcome it just as much.”  
“Of course! You don`t think there are any haters in here, do you? “ Lucas blurts, obviously offended.  
“Hate and disgust are two different things, Lucas. I understand every heterosexual man who says that he doesn`t want to watch two men having sex.”  
“You really don't have to worry about that, Nick. We're all excited to see what happens to you and I think everyone here is a little bit in love with Roger. At least since we know about your story. I can't believe the way he fought. Besides, and I can only speak for myself, I am someone who is very fond of reactions. And how Roger reacts, how responsive he is, wow! Well, I'd love to watch. Lucas, too. Our women anyway. And I really can't imagine that Arthur or Tarek would have a problem.” Toby interferes.  
“You are right, Toby! Art is totally in love with Roger!” Nadine chuckles.  
“"So is Tarek. He's also extremely fascinated by you, Nick. Looks like the hardest thing you have to do is to convince Roger. Didn't he tell us he got whipped regularly at this club?” Ella wonders.  
“Without any spectators and there never was sex involved. But I can't think of a better place to change that.”

“Fab! Oh, I have a question. Are our girls allowed to touch him? I mean, you guys aren't disgusted with women, are you? Marianne is developing some delightful fantasies.”  
“I guess you're not talking about hugging or anything, are you, Toby?”   
“No, I don't.” he winks.  
“First, we're not disgusted with women. Secondly, whatever Roger allows is fine. But I wouldn't expect too much.”

“We'll all be here a whole week, so a lot can happen, right?” he shrugs, grinning broadly.  
Goodness, Lauren was ever so right. These people are perfect!   
Since we don't see our loved ones until lunch, we have plenty of time to talk. I get a lot of good tips and answers to many questions. However, I would like to have a conversation with Arthur alone. I'm sure he can help me with many things better than my dominant friends.  
There are no rules for lunch. Apart from the fact that half of the people present are naked, it could simply be a casual meal with friends.  
Roger seems to have quickly gotten used to being naked all the time, he's a real sunshine.  
“For someone who's just been cleaning bathrooms for over three hours, you're in a pretty good mood.” I smile, pulling him close for a kiss.  
“Art kept me company. I like him a lot.”  
“I heard that, drummer boy, and I assure you it`s mutual!”   
Yes, I really should talk to Arthur. As soon as possible.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Roger apologizes

Claudia and Lauren had not eaten with us and I`m about to ask Cora why that is when I hear a loud gong.  
Wow. I never had felt tension rising in a room so quickly. It`s so palpable it almost feels like something living, and it radiates from all the subs.  
Roger crosses his arms in front of his chest, his usual *I need my private space*-gesture.   
“What is it?” I wonder.  
“The call for the inquisition.” He growls. “Penalty points will be given in the playroom.”  
Only then I realise that I never have been part of this when I was here. After lunch I`ve been always kindly asked to go into my own room or into the gardens or something, as long as it`s not anywhere near the play area.  
Of course. I never had a sub with me.  
“This is awkward.” Roger mumbles. “I`m not a fucking…”  
“Roger!” a female voice yells and I`m all surprised it`s the quiet Marianne. So is everyone else, as they all stare at her as if she was an alien or something. She stands close to the door into the playroom, has been halfway there with the noise of the gong. Her posture mirrors Roger`s.  
“I understand you are new to this and I know it`s not easy, but you making a drama out of everything becomes really unnerving. First, you discussed with Madame Claudia this morning how very unfair it is to let the subs do all the housework, then you freaked out about your task, calling it unfair yet again. Because of you we started our work almost an hour later than usual, time I could have used to have a bath before lunch. Have you ever thought that maybe it`s your behaviour that is unfair towards all us other subs? If you think it's all so awkward, go home. Don't ruin the mood for the rest of us. Man, I would love to put you over my knee and deepen your colouring.”  
With that, she stomps out, just in time with the second gong, which in the sudden silence drones much louder than the first.  
Roger`s blush covers not only his cheeks, it had spread down his neck, even to his collar bone.  
He doesn't look at anyone when he gets up. I sense that everyone in the room is afraid he's actually going up to our room, packing things and going home. Instead he follows Marianne.  
“Wow!” Toby blurts. “Just wow! You have not the slightest clue what a fucking miracle that was, folks! Shit! She was so in love with this man when she was a teen, had her room plastered with posters. She nearly died from a broken heart when he left the band and when you two showed up yesterday evening, Nick, I thought she would never be able to talk again, so utterly stunned she was. She asked me not to tell you about that, but I think you all have to know how much this little outbreak must have cost her to overcome.”  
“Plus, she`s right, isn’t she? “ Tarek shrugs. “We were late because of him.”  
Goodness!  
Nobody has to say it, I know that I am expected to draw consequences from what happened.  
I am the last one to leave the room with the sound of the third gong and I would never have expected what would happen in the following hours. No one would have expected, probably least of all Roger himself.  
The scenario in front of me seems kind of unreal. Subs kneeling in a row in the middle of the room where that frame was last evening, Claudia standing behind them , casually dressed in jeans and sweaters, hair tied into a ponytail, glasses on.   
For some reason it`s that what makes the picture more intense, this downright normality such a contrast to the four naked kneeling subs.  
Armchairs have been positioned beside the huge couch, so that there`s a seat for all us dominants to watch what Roger called *the inquisition*.  
“My dear ones, I have finished the inspection of the house and will now let you know whether I have found everything to my satisfaction. I would first like to mention those who have done particularly well. Of course once again our dear Arthur. I thank you for the excellent care of the table silver. As you know, you may wish for something in return. Have you already thought about something?”  
“Oh, I surely did, Madame! I've been coming here for ten years and I've never seen a scene between two men before. That would be my wish, whatever this scene looks like.”

“What…” Roger blurts, but swallows down whatever else he wanted to say, keeping his gaze down as this posture is required for this ceremony.  
“Well, Arthur, you know I`m not able to grand you this wish, but you may meet with Nicholas when we are finished here.”  
“I will, Madame, thank you.”  
My fellow dominants all see Art winking at me, and I can`t stifle a grin. No one can, actually, even the subs. The only one who`s not grinning is Roger.  
“So, my pretty pretties, the next one has been a surprise, I admit. After our little argument this morning, I didn't expect you to take your job so seriously, Roger. The bathrooms at Winfield House have rarely been so clean. Thank you so much. You too can make a wish.”  
That's odd. My chest swells with pride.

“Oh…I…thank you, Madame. For my wish I want my fellow subs to get up, if that is not against any protocol.”  
Claudia raises her brows, then nods, and they all rise from the floor. Only Roger keeps kneeling, that is, he changes position to face his fellows. On his knees.  
“I apologise to you all for my…my stubborn behaviour. I apologize for stealing an hour of your free time. I am sorry. It was never my intention to steal your time or ruin the mood, it was selfish. I deserve a punishment and my wish is that, if Nick and Toby allow it, Marianne decides how this punishment is going to be.”  
“Holy Christ, this is going to be fun!” Toby chuckles quietly “I told you, she has quite a few fantasies, huh? Please, man, allow it!”  
“Permission given, Marianne.” I say loudly.  
“Same!” Toby snorts, the word coming out as a laugh.  
“I…oh…please, give me a minute.” The woman blushes just like Roger, then she takes a step forward, grabbing him by the hair, forcing him to look up.  
“Gaaawd!” she sighs. “If this is a dream, please don`t wake me! So, since you took an hour of time from us, I think it would be fair to give it back. I want you to be fixed at the frame for an hour to let us do with you whatever we want. Us subs, that is. And of course I want all the dominants to watch. By the way, some of us do switch every once in a while, just saying! I would also like this to take place immediately after the points have been given.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Nick gets a wee bit scared

The rest of the event is kind of rushing past me. Roger kneels in line again and we keep eye contact, although that's probably against the rules.

In my head everything gets mixed up. Unbelievable pride in Roger, total confusion over Marianne's wish and a not unessential part of expectant horniness. Just on the side I get that only Cora receives a penalty point because she dropped something.  
It looks like it's mainly about Roger today, after all, Arthur also wished for something that necessarily includes him.  
Something else adds to my emotional confusion.  
Fear.  
I'm afraid that all this is going much too fast, that not only Roger is overwhelmed, but also me.  
“I know that look on your face, my friend. Do you panic?” Lucas bends over, whispering in my ear.  
“It`s not even 24 hours that I`ve been sure we`ll drive right back to London. I told him just before we got here where we were going and he freaked out. It hasn't been two weeks since we met again...”  
“Gentlemen, please! Lucas, we are waiting for you to tell us what punishment you choose!” Claudia sounds all the way annoyed.  
“I`m sorry, madame! May I ask for a time out?” Lucas makes the time-out-sign, walks over to Cora and whispers something to her.  
“I ask for your understanding. I would like to go to our room with Lucas, Arthur, Roger and Nick. The rest of you might be able to prepare the frame, if that`s alright with you.” Cora rises gracefully and holds out her hand to Roger while her husband helps Arthur up.  
Before I really understand what's happening, the five of us are standing in the dining room.  
"May I suggest the smoking room? I could do with a cigarette.” Art says, his hand lying firmly on Roger`s shoulder.  
“Excellent idea, dude! I`ll go getting us a whisky.” Lucas rushes off to the bar.  
“Is there something wrong?” Roger wonders, squeezing my hand, his tone filled with worry.  
Before I can even open my mouth, Arthur smiles knowingly and says with a wink “The young master is surprised at your speed, kiddo.”  
“I'm neither particularly young nor a Master, but otherwise you're right.” I admit.  
Roger`s eyes widen and he`s still searching for words as Art continues to explain.  
“Guys, I`m 75, everyone under 60 is young in my opinion. And I surely know a true master when I see one. Yet alone the fact that we are standing here is proving that. A wannabe Dom would never have listened, would never have followed a friend out of this room because he would think he was infallible. Only someone for whom all this means more than giving orders and pain listens to the advice of experienced like-minded people. I'll tell you both a well-kept secret, so that it's clear why we of all people are having this conversation with you here, but let`s wait for Lucas.”

And then we are in the cosy room together. It`s not much of a surprise for me that Roger choses to kneel before me, head in my lap, my hands stroking his hair. That Cora also kneels down, I think is more of a gesture of solidarity.  
“Okay, Lucas, will you explain it to them or shall I?” Art wants to know, swirling the whisky in his glass.  
“Oh, go ahead, mate. I guess you started already.”  
“Alright then. Well. As you know, Nadine and I are coming here for a long time, and during the years we witnessed a few very unpleasant situations. I don`t have to tell you that emotions can get way too deep, that new situations can bring reactions no one can foresee, especially when it's pretty new to the persons in question. Five years ago we met Lucas and Cora for the first time and during our time here a sub had a total breakdown. The scene wasn't particularly violent, but someone present casually said something about his daughter and the tied woman freaked out. She just couldn`t stop crying and yelling. The couple had a three-year-old daughter and they had come to Winfield House to revive undisturbed their long unlived passions. Suzie, that`s her name, as you may have guessed, later told me that it was as if two different universes were crashing together, exploding, and all that was left was a dark black hole. Just because someone had mentioned his child, she flew out of subspace with full force. Her worlds collided, so to speak, and she couldn`t find herself in this emotional mess. One day later Claudia came to us, to Lucas and me, and she asked us to keep an eye on new guests from now on.  
Whenever we think that something could go wrong, whenever we notice something in their behaviour, we should take them aside and talk to them. Please don't misunderstand, we don't assume any of you will freak out. Both Lucas and I know the point where you are now from different angles. I talked to Roger for quite a long time this morning, which was very revealing. I'm not gonna divulge secrets, but it's clear he wants to get involved with all of this. That's how many subs work, including me. We would say , ok, I can live with that, but please don't overdo it in the very beginning and eventually a knot opens and it's like *give me everything and give it to me immediately, I'm ready*. At this point the dominant part is often overwhelmed. Nadine was no different than Lucas. You might think it's going too fast, Nick. But if you take it accurately, it was a process of 15 years. While you were able to live out your passion during all this time, even if not as you would have liked it to be, Roger buried it deep down. He started digging his way out when he opened up to his wife. After the separation, he tried to find a way to live out his passions. But that didn't work. It couldn't work because it was all connected to you, Nick. Accept it. We're in. We don't want this to sound arrogant, but you're not alone, okay? We pay attention.”  
“Well, right now, it's not gonna be so much about you two. Roger, are you sure you can do this? Giving you to us for an hour? Because if something goes wrong, Marianne will be devastated. Everyone else already knows, you should know too, even if Marianne would kill me if she knew I was telling you. You are something like her first love. You probably don't remember it, but you met once. She was 15, so it must have been 1981. Friends of hers had found out your address and they practically camped in your front yard. When it started raining, your mother took pity and brought them all into the house. She had brought a poster with her to have it signed, but it got all wet and she...” Cora stops as Roger jumps up like a scalded cat.  
“Goodness! The banana girl! Marianne is the banana girl.” He blurts. “Excuse me, please! Don't worry, I want this, I'm not going crazy. Not at all now.”  
We look after him as he literally storms out.  
“Er…banana girl?” Lucas grins.  
“She got an autograph on a banana.” Cora giggles.  
“Oh, I bet in the gay clubs a lot of people wanted an autograph on their banana.” Art rolls his eyes and we all break out in laughter.  
“Since Roger most likely ran into the playroom. Cora, Lucas, why don't you go inside? Thanks for your help, I appreciate that very much. I'd just like to discuss something with Arthur, yeah?”  
“"I won't tell you what we talked about this morning, Nicholas.” Art says as soon as the two have left.  
“That's not the point, Arthur. I'm just wondering if you and Tarek can do something with Marianne's idea. For the women, a naked tied Roger might be a little more exciting than for you two.”  
“Don't worry, we're creative, open-minded people. Let us surprise you, young Master” His blue eyes sparkle mischievously.  
To our astonishment, Roger is not in the playroom. The others have already placed the wooden frame in the middle of the room and look at Arthur and me expectantly.  
“Where is he?” I wonder.  
“We thought he was with you” Claudia says, sounding worried. “ He stormed in, asked for paper and pens and rushed out again. Do we have a problem here?”  
“I don`t think so. I think someone gets a proper autograph finally” I chuckle, glancing at Marianne, who stands beside the frame, obviously nervous as hell. As if on cue, the door opens and Roger comes in, a rolled sheet of paper in one hand and the leather cuffs in the other.  
He looks relaxed, smiling.  
“Would you keep this for me, Nick? I want to give it to Marianne, but I'd rather give it afterwards. And is it okay if she puts the cuffs on me?”  
“Of course. To both.” The tension in the room rises when we kiss deeply. The subs are gathering around the frame and I join my fellow dominants on the couch after we broke the kiss. Roger stands alone for a moment, his eyes closed. I see the deep breaths, the lifting and lowering of his chest. Somebody puts their hand on my shoulder. I can tell by the smell of the perfume that it's Claudia, but I don't look away from Roger. A last, deep breath, a quick look at me. A little, delightful smile before he makes his way to his fellows, dropping to his knees in front of Marianne.  
“All yours.”  
She takes the cuffs from him, fixing them at his wrists. We all see her trembling a bit while she does. Then she helps Roger up, leading him under the crossbar. From there Art takes over to click the carabiners to the chain, wrists above his head. Only now do I notice the small serving trolley that stands close to the frame. Whatever is on it is covered with a white tablecloth. Apparently Marianne and Tarek used our short absence for some preparations.  
Arthur steps aside, making space for Marianne again who slowly circles Roger, looking him up an down.  
“That looks pretty. You look pretty. Pretty drummer boy”  
Her little hand glides over his spine down to his butt.  
The amazingly powerful slap of this delicate hand on his ass makes us all flinch and Roger's astonished "Ouch! " drains a laugh from Tarek.  
Tarek. As I know by now, he`s originally from Morocco, is descended from Berbers. Son of the desert.  
A passionate horseman, Ella told me. That suits him. He is small and slender with olive skin, his dark eyes almost as black as his curly hair. A pretty man, even a little girlish. His face, at least. Long lashes and a tender mouth.  
Both nipples are pierced, what looks incredibly sexy on him.  
“Maybe you'd better help me instead of laughing.” Marianne grins.  
“Uh…I`ve never done this!”  
“Well, then today is the day you do that for the first time.”  
“I admit, that's a nice ass.” He nods slightly, rubbing his palms together to warm his hands, what is a really thoughtful, tender gesture.  
After a few very cautious, hesitant blows he seems to enjoy it enough to increase both, pace and impact, and the two find their rhythm, a rhythm Roger obviously starts to enjoy just as much, eyes closed and head tilted back.  
That is when Cora and Arthur decide to join in.  
The unexpected pain when both of them pinch a nipple at the same time rips him out of his sweet agony and he lets out a sharp cry.  
“Well, somebody likes that.” Art growls. “Show our gay friend the advantage of long fingernails, dear Cora!”  
“With pleasure! Lauren, why don't you pick something nice from our little collection? After all, this is supposed to be a punishment, huh?” Cora's index finger, or rather the long, pointed fingernail attached, pierces deeply and ruthlessly into the delicate flesh of his left nipple.  
“Fuck, Cora!” he blurts, jerking violently in his cuffs.  
Marianne and Tarek stop their work on Roger`s ass and like it was agreed upon, everyone steps back a bit, leaving Roger without a touch. You can clearly see that he's not quite there yet, his cock soft between his legs.  
In a strange way, it makes me proud. Flatters me.  
His lust is mine, like Arthur said. For him it`s not about the things done to him, it`s the person who does them. Me. It`s me.  
Although these experienced subs will surely find a way to force him to lust. Maybe this alone could be called a punishment.  
Tarek and Art stand in front of Lauren to hide what she's doing from Roger's eyes, unfortunately also from us spectators.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to be topped by subs

“Okay, listen, drummer. What we're going to do in this hour is teach you humility. You will not get far here with defiance and resistance. An hour can be very long, Roger, very very long.”

Dear God, what happened to the shy and quiet Marianne?

“You ready, Lauren?” Her smile is ever so evil and I hear Toby chuckle at it.  
“You bet, honey. Let the fun begin, folks!” The fairy, now looking more like an avenger angel, is clearly to be seen when the men step aside to reveal her and I can`t help but letting out a loud “Fuck.”  
She wears latex gloves, holding a tube of lube and a pretty large slightly crooked dildo.  
Roger gets pale at the sight of it, which makes Arthur laugh.  
“What`s that, kiddo? Scared already? Wait till I tell you what we're gonna do now. One of us will always fuck you with it, Roger. All the time. We'll take turns so we all get something out of it. We'll force you to come over and over again, until the hour is over. You will beg us to stop, but we will not stop. Unless, of course, you use your safe word. But you're not gonna do that, are you, Roger?  
You won't do that because you like it, because you love to be forced, because you are a needy little pain slut, huh? That's exactly what you're gonna say when we're done with you, all right? You will say I am Roger and I am a needy little pain slut. And because that's how it is, we're gonna take care of the painful part. Let yourself be surprised.”  
I'm beginning to realize this isn't the first time they've done this.  
They didn't have time to discuss the matter in detail, probably it's common for the subs to punish a sub giving them problems, that would definitely make sense.  
Lauren has stepped behind Roger, I can't see exactly what she's doing, but his moaning suggests she's already working on his hole. Eyes slamming shut, Roger arches into the touch.  
So he can`t see the next thing picked from the trolley, this time by Marianne.  
Oh, I wonder if he`s going to like it!  
It`s called a lightning wand, and it`s magic indeed. Not only does it look downright beautiful with the glass bulb on it`s top, the electricity creating coloured flashes when in use, but also from a slight tingling sensation to a painful electric shock, it can cause a whole range of feelings.  
“Keep your eyes closed and take what we have to offer.” Cora says softly, letting her hand run over his chest yet again, then pinching a nipple with her sharp nails, making him yelp.  
The treatment shows gradual effect, his cock twitches, slowly filling with blood.  
Marianne holds the electro toy to the other nipple and Roger can`t help but let his eyes fly open, gasping at the unfamiliar sensation.  
“Close your eyes or you'll get a blindfold. You really have to learn to do what you are asked to do.”

“Ah, fuck, what`s that?” he pants, his voice shaky with a hint of fear.  
“It doesn`t matter what it is, you have to take what you get. Trust us, will you? We surely know what we are doing.”  
“Yes, Marianne, sorry, I….aaaah, goodness. Lauren!”  
“Relax, froglet! You're going to break my fingers.”  
“Please don't call me that.”  
“I call you whatever I want in this hour, froglet. Maybe I'll call you fuckable froglet when this thing is all in. Slutty little fuckable froglet. You were disrespectful to my Mistress, I take that very personally. Now shut up, we don't want anything to hear from you except your moaning and begging.”  
Being humiliated like this, he blushes deeply, fighting against the intrusion of her fingers or maybe even of the toy, since I can`t see if it`s in use already.  
“You don't have to put on a show here, kid. We can all see how much you like it, how nice your dick twitches.” Art growls.  
Goodness. They are brilliant. Evil as fuck.  
Without any warning Marianne holds the magic wand to his balls and he comes. Just like that, in thick, long spurts, jerking and screaming.  
Quick witted, Marianne catches some of his jizz and I almost die when she rubbed it into his face.  
“See, slut? Smell your lust, taste it! Stop pretending not to enjoy yourself.”  
Cora takes over the rod, moves it over the inside of his thighs.  
“Let it go! It's so much nicer for you if you don't fight it.” She soothes.  
Apparently there are different roles here. Like good cop, bad cop.  
Lauren, Marianne and Arthur are responsible for what's evil, Cora and probably also Tarek, who is very reserved so far, are the comforters.  
“Oh wow, a fuckable froglet indeed. Your greedy hole sucked that thing in to the hilt, slut!” My goodness, I don't recognize the gentle, funny little fairy!  
And it makes me horny, this whole scene makes me unbelievably horny, what I would not have thought possible.  
Roger looks so incredibly beautiful! The unexpected, violent orgasm has broken all resistance, he hangs powerless and completely defeated in his cuffs, his eyes closed, whimpering quietly.  
Tarek steps up to him, caresses his sweaty hair and then checks if the leather around his wrists isn`t too tight, if his fingers are still warm.  
All the time Lauren fucks him with the dildo, slowly and deeply.  
“"You know," Tarek says quietly, "I can't do much with men, honestly. I'm not gay, not even a little bit bi. But I admire you. I like your broad shoulders, your muscles. And man, your dick is really big! I've never touched a cock other than my own so excuse me if I do something stupid right now, yeah?”  
His delicate fingers are wrapped around Roger's semi-rigid shaft and he starts jerking him off, in time with the slow thrusts of the dildo.  
Roger groans in agony. Cora now stands behind him as well, dragging her nails into the skin of his back. Who's got the electric stick now?  
Ah, Arthur.  
After Tarek has given him a little space, he taps the device at short intervals alternately against both nipples.  
“Please!” Roger whimpers. “Oh please!”  
He probably doesn't even know what he's begging for.  
Marianne takes Lauren's place, takes the dildo and the slow deep thrusts are changing into violent fucking, making him scream.  
Roger comes a total of five or six times, I can't say exactly because some of these orgasms are dry. He`s constantly begging and pleading, but no safe word in sight.  
“Five minutes left“ Claudia announces. Marianne had asked her to stop the time.  
Everybody step back. Roger sobs quietly, whether with relief or out of regret I do not know.  
They all stand around Roger, but nobody touches him anymore.  
“Do you remember what you were supposed to say?” Marianne asks harshly.  
“I’m …a …greedy…little…pain …slut! God, yes, I am! I am, and I love it! Fuck, yes!”  
He is shaken by heavy sobbing. Exhausted and breathless, and I wanna get up, freeing him from the cuffs, taking him in my arms. But Claudia`s hand is on myshoulder again, holding me back.  
“They made him fly, they're bringing him down again. Trust them.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to come down

Marianne gets a blanket from that trolley while Arthur uncuffs Roger, holding him to not fall over.  
“I have you, kiddo, I have you.”  
Roger wraps his arms around the tall man, leaning his head against his chest.  
Cora places a thick pillow on the floor, Tarek has a bottle of water in his hand.   
Art lets Roger slide carefully onto the floor, and Marianne is immediately there with the blanket, enveloping him. A well-coordinated team.  
It’s Lauren and Marianne joining him on the floor, holding him tight, soothing him.  
The sight moves me to tears.  
Strange as it sounds, it's more intimate than anything that's happened before.  
Maybe because I know Roger is some kind of idol for these two women.  
Ella takes Tarek in her arms, who looks quite puzzled.  
From the corner of my eye I see Cora and Lucas as well as Nadine and Arthur leaving the room.  
“Hey, Nicholas. Don't cry. Everything is fine.” Claudia pulls me close and I find myself literally buried in her bosom, her perfume heavy and sweet.  
As inappropriate as it may seem, it has something very maternal about it.  
And promptly I think of my mother.  
That's kind of weird.   
I think I understand the breakdown of this woman that Art has been talking about now.  
In such a place, in such a situation, to suddenly think of the family seems completely perverse.  
Nevertheless, I surrender to Claudia's embrace for a few minutes, feeling loved and understood, before I pull back.” I want to take care of Roger.”  
“Of course you want to, my dear.” She smiles, patting my thigh.

Roger's gaze is slightly glassy, his smile uncertain and somewhat shaky when I squat down in front of him.  
“I don't mean to be rude, but would you leave us alone for a moment?” I say, stroking a wet cheek with my thumb. My heart melts when he returns the gesture, looking worried.  
“Nick! You cried!”  
“Because you were so beautiful to look at, my love.”  
The last thing I hear is a small, vainly suppressed sob. probably from Marianne, then we're alone, Roger and I.  
Our kisses have never been sweeter, more tender. We almost suffocate because neither of us wants to stop to catch our breath.  
His hands find the way under my shirt, the warmth of his touch almost burning my skin. When those hands are going for my zipper, I catch his wrists.  
“What are you doing?”  
“I'll undress you.”  
“You don’t have to do that now, Roger.”  
“Yes, I do. I have to. I want you. I want you inside me. Please! I need it, I need to know I`m yours! I need you!”  
His words so deep. Almost growls, so full of need, but he must be sore, his hole burning from the huge toy, abused , red and swollen.  
Yes, it turns me on. The thought of burying my cock in this tight little hole. Making him scream even more, making him feel he`s all mine, no matter how many others just had their fun with him.   
But we have a whole week here, so many things to discover, to explore, I don`t want him to be out of order for any anal play.  
So this might be the perfect time to show him what else one could do with this sweet entrance, something that wouldn`t cause the slightest bit of pain.  
“On all fours, boy.”  
God! Beautiful, so beautiful, how he obeys, how he is visibly aching for me.  
“Shoulders down, grab your cheeks, open up for me” I can`t keep the shiver out of my voice, the emotions, and I couldn`t care less.   
As he reaches behind, spreading himself ,expecting my dick in his maltreated ass, I feel like crying.   
So much trust. So much need.   
And this sweet hole, sore and swollen like I thought, exposed, vulnerable, but still twitching with anticipation. The temptation to fuck him is intense, at least he literally begged for it. His whole body is still begging , posture and all, and now he adds desperate little panted pleads into the mix.  
“I will fuck you, love.”  
Not the way he thinks , though, but still.  
“Aaaaah!” he moans when my tongue flickers over his entrance, wet, warm and teasing.  
He`s never been so soft there, so open. Willing.  
And me, I`ve never done this before. Sweet, tender tongue fucking. Licking one`s hole. Never done. Never even wanted to do that. It`s him who make me want such things, it`s him, Roger, just Roger, my Roger.  
I bury my nose in his crack and dive in, tongue tip hardened, licking his insides.   
It tastes of chemicals at first, of the lube they used, but then there`s his very own taste, hot and silky under my tongue.  
“Uuuuuh…god, yes! Want you! Please!” Every word so full of need. Pure, honest need.

I have to almost carry him up the stairs afterwards, and as soon as his head touches the pillow, he falls asleep.  
We miss dinner this evening because I don`t want to wake him and just when he sits up, all tousled and still half asleep, there`s a knock at the door.  
“Still alive in there?” a female voice asks.   
Roger blinks, one, two times, looking puzzled.  
Cute, so fucking cute it hurts.   
“Come in, Marianne.” I smile, ruffling his hair and he flushes against my body, warm and solid.  
She comes in with a loaded tray, smiling coyly.  
“Thought you must be hungry.”  
“You`re an angel, Marianne, thank you!”  
“Angel, my arse.” Roger mutters, making us laugh.  
“Any chance you will join us at the bar later? No one seems to be in the mood to play. Tarek is still freaking out a bit, thinking touching a cock made him gay or something.”  
Roger chuckles quietly, his nose still buried at my neck.  
“So, if I would tell him it felt good, that won`t help much, I guess.”  
“Most likely not. Well. I`ll leave you alone. Uh, Roger? Er…thank you. Also for the little drawing. So cute, thank you.”  
“Thank you, too. Mean it.” He still can`t face her, though. I think he still has to process this intense experience.  
We take our time, enjoy our togetherness without many words, with many kisses.  
He lets me feed him what is more intimate here in our room than it was last night in the dining room. Because it`s no rule or something, it`s what he wants.   
After another hour of excessive cuddling he disappears into the bathroom for a shower. I'd rather not go along because I'm not sure I could keep my hands off him.  
I am positively surprised when he kneels in front of me after the shower and asks for the collar, and so, close to midnight, we make our way into the bar, Roger collared and leashed at his own request yet again. Like the first night, he seems to need that security, that hold.   
The atmosphere is exuberant, Art and Nadine dance, as do Cora and Lucas, to Frank Sinatra.  
Ella and Claudia talk excitedly, Lauren and Tarek seem quite drunk. It's a sign that they're not playing anymore. Claudia would never let drunks into the playroom. A small party that only differs from other parties because half the people are naked.  
Tarek is the first to notice us, and he blushes deeply.  
“Oh. Hi. Risen from the dead, Roger, huh?”  
“Still a little...I don't know...kind of dizzy. Feels good, though.” His voice sounds different, softer. Quiet and gentle. “Don't worry, desert prince, being gay isn't contagious.”  
Lauren giggles almost hysterically at that.  
“See? I told you! I`m a fucking lesbian, Tarek. Playing with men once in a while doesn't make me straight.”  
“Uh, huh-huh. But doesn't that mean you're at least bi?”  
“I don`t think so. I don't think it's a gender issue. It's about living something together that only works with like-minded people, whether they're men or women. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't do that if Claudia wasn't there and at least watched. That wouldn't give me anything.”  
“It's this place here. It makes you do things you wouldn't have thought possible. If you find this confusing, Tarek, what do you think I am?” Roger smiles.  
Goodness. This is so touching, the way he opened up, being so honest about his feelings.   
“Do you know what gay is, Tarek? This is gay.” With that, I hook a thumb behind Roger`s collar, pulling him close for a deep, tongue-involved kiss, leaving my man a little breathless.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how to have a lot of interesting talks

“Lauren, I need another drink!” Tarek blurts.  
“Oh man, what`s wrong?”  
“I think that`s hot!”  
“Me too, and I`m still a lesbian!”  
I'm not in the mood for drunken silliness, so I apologize and make my way to Toby and Marianne, who are sitting in a dim corner. That means Toby is sitting, Marianne is kneeling. Which leaves the other chair at the table free.  
Roger's following me, of course, he has to.  
I don`t have to pull at the leash much, though, he doesn`t need to get forced. He`s attentive, focused on me, and this time it can`t be about sexual need, because, my, he was literally milked empty.  
All the more I am pleased about his behaviour, as it shows it`s about more than sex.  
“Would you mind us joining you?” I ask the couple. It just strikes me that they chose this quiet place to be alone.  
“Gladly.” Toby smiles, making an inviting gesture towards the empty chair.  
“Thank you, Toby. I was just thinking that we are interrupting something private here.”  
“We talked about the kids. I hope that won`t drag you down, since we talked about Suzie earlier.”

“I`m ok with that. Roger?”  
“No problem. How many do you have?”  
“Two. Full dose of puberty .Two girls, twins, 14. Double trouble.” Marianne giggles.  
“We can relate” Roger nods. “I think boys are easier, though. James is, at least. But I won`t complain, I very much appreciate that they all accept Nick. And Tatji, of course.”  
“Meeting James was a shock, though. Felt like someone beamed you back to 1979. John and I were speechless, especially because James is in his 80s phase, as he called it. When we first met him, he wore one of Roger`s famous striped shirts, sleeves rolled up and all. And Elliot, goodness, he`s so cute. But then, so is Ellea.”  
“He and Ellea, that was love at first sight. Elliot still has to get used to the fact that some men paint their eyes.” He glances up to me, winking.  
So good he feels comfortable with the topic, in this place, kneeling naked at my feet.  
“We have to go to my parents' next weekend, with all the kids. My mother doesn't know anything about us yet. She`ll freak out. In a good way.” I say, stroking his hair  
“I wonder, Nick, isn`t it weird to have a lover with the same name like your dad?” Marianne asks.  
“Oh. It wasn`t weird until you mentioned it, thank you very much!”  
It`s a nice evening among friends, talking about families and such.  
Even as we are still in that special state, absolutely aware of being on different levels with me sitting fully clothed in the armchair and Roger kneeling naked on the floor, there`s nothing bad with letting those worlds collide in the safety of this place.

When I wake up the next morning, Roger`s already gone. Stretching and yawning, I stay in bed for a few more minutes, thinking of yesterday’s events.  
Roger is changing.  
He no longer fights so fiercely against things that seem meaningless to him, seems to trust my decision-making authority more and more.  
I`m changing, too, of course. It's like a journey together. And I`m eager to find out to which enchanting places this journey will lead us.  
It's so different from what I've experienced so far. So much deeper.  
I can`t stop myself from smiling when I make my way down the stairs, welcomed by familiar sounds from the breakfast room.  
Marianne's bright laughter, Nadine's warm tone of voice. I can't believe how close people can get after such a short time. I already know I'm going to miss them all.  
Pushing the thoughts of leaving aside, I step into the room. We still have 5 days, and I intend to use them good.  
Roger stands near the coffeemaker, waiting for his mug to be filled with the strong brew while he talks to Claudia  
Only now I notice the deep scratches all over his back. It looks like he`s been attacked by an angry cat. A cat named Cora.  
Flinging my arms around him from behind, I make him jump before he melts into my touch, humming with pleasure.  
“Good morning, luv. You should have wake me. Hmmm, you smell so good!” I mumble at his neck, nibbling a bit.  
Oh. That`s all the way amazing. How he responds to my touches, my words immediately, whole body involved. Goosebumps, a shiver, a sigh. Pure, honest pleasure. God. I want to own him.  
“Boy.” I whisper in his ear. “My good boy. Wanton. I know what makes you smell so delicious, pretty boy. It`s your craving, your need.”

His chest vibrates under my fingers with the deep growl he`s letting out and I dig my teeth into his warm, soft skin where neck and shoulder join. He moans, long and loud.  
“My dear Nicholas, as pleasurable this is to look at, I`m afraid you`ll have to save it until later, the housework doesn't do itself.” Claudia grins and there`s laughter from the table.  
“Oh well, Madame, I`m sure no one complains about another stolen hour when it goes like that, huh?” Art chuckles and Claudia shoots him a look.  
“What`s that, Arthur? Taking Roger`s place and starting discussions with me here? I think you two need to cool down a bit, so it`s the gardens for Roger and you today.”  
“Oh, man!” Roger mutters quietly, but not quietly enough.  
“Heard that! Saw that eye-roll, too. Congratulations, Roger, this is a premiere, you earned yourself two points before the work even started.”  
I laugh against his hot skin, licking over the abused flesh, and laugh even more when Art is with us in a split second, dragging Roger away from me.  
“Come, kiddo. Out, before you say something stupid!”  
Their leaving is followed by heartily laughter.  
“All other subs, please come to my office so I can delegate the tasks.” Claudia commands.  
Now alone with my fellow dominants, I grab the mug which was actually Roger`s and sit down at the table.  
“Sorry for being late, I should have skipped the last whisky. I blame you, Toby!”  
“Never mind, mate, we`re al a little lazy today” Nadine smiles, handing me a basket with freshly baked rolls. “I wonder, Nicholas, have you discussed Art`s wish yet?”  
“I`m afraid not, but I don't intend to discuss it anyway. Neither with Roger nor with Arthur, cause I already know what I want to do. And after yesterday`s happenings something tells me that my Roger won`t complain.”  
“I guess so!” she chuckles. “Great, then. I won`t ask what you have planned, I like surprises.”  
“Since you all seem to be very experienced, it`s surely not that much of a surprise, Nothing new, at least.”  
“Don`t say that!” Lucas grins. “We all have never seen a gay couple playing, so it will be something new just because it`s you two.”  
“Exactly!” Ella nods. “Fuck, will I have trouble if Tarek likes watching you too much!”  
We keep on chatting about this and that, I learn what everyone does for a living.  
When Toby asks if there are any plans about the band, I drop my roll, stunned.  
It hits me like a hammer.  
The reunion.  
The real reason John and I were looking for Roger. I haven't thought about it for a second.  
“You look like someone just punched your stomach.” Lucas wonders.  
And I tell them. About my visit in LA and John`s plan, about the detective we hired to find Roger and about the fact that I completely forgot about it all, knowing that whatever happens or we talk about in Winfield House stays in Winfield House.  
“Tell me, what kind of relationship do you and Roger want? Should it go in the direction of 24/7? That could be difficult when working together.” Ella says.  
“I admit I always dreamt of this 24/7 -thing, but now…how to say it? I`m not sure it`s something good for us. Not just because of the band. As much as I like and enjoy it when he is so soft and obedient, I love his fighting defiance, the fire. Besides, we're gonna be a family, a pretty big family. His youngest son is not even four. He needs a loving, attentive father, not one who floats around in subspace all the time.”  
“Best answer, ever! This 24/7 – thing is just a big mindfuck anyway, if you ask me.” Ella nods, visibly pleased with my words.  
“Well, it`s a question of definition, right? I am a dominant man, and I`m dominant 24 hours a day.” Toby sounds somehow offended.  
“Oh, no, guys, not that tedious discussion again. See, I`m a dominant woman. But I`m also a loving wife, mother and grandmother. I`m all that 24 hours a day. And I`m a nurse, still, despite the fact I`m retired. Got my point? When I`m with my grandchildren, it doesn`t matter if I`m dominant. You have to allow yourself being everything you are. And when you love someone, you have to allow him the same. Everything else will be contra productive on the long run. There has to be a balance. Still, I call it 24/7, what we have. But just because it`s always there it doesn`t mean you have to show it 24 hours a day. Nick is a musician and he won`t play his keyboards day and night. He`s here now, but he`s still a dad.”  
Toby is about to make a reply, one that will turn out furious in his facial expression as Lucas intervenes.  
“Can we agree that people have different views on this and that it is totally ok as long as those who are concerned are fine with it? See, me, as a black man, I have one hell of a problem with this Master/ slave- term and you will never see me using a whip on Cora. But other people using these words, using whips, don`t bother me. I remember talking with Nadine about this whole medical kink- stuff and for her there`s not the slightest bit erotic in it, so she would never play this way. But she enjoyed watching our play as much as I enjoy watching her using this monster whip. So, people are different, having different kinks. Isn`t that something wonderful?”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how to greet new guests properly

A wise man, Lucas.  
No wonder Claudia had chosen him and Arthur to keep an eye on the guests.  
I meet him in the smoker`s room later, where he is looking out of the window, chuckling.  
“Ah, Nick! Come and watch. This is so funny!”  
Wondering what he’s talking about, I stand beside him to see Roger and Art doing their garden work.   
Well. Sort of.  
It's May and it's pretty cool outside. When you are naked, at least, so the two had to find a way to keep themselves warm. Apparently, they turned lawn mowing into some kind of competition. Their laughter can be heard all the way here. They run a race, pushing the old-fashioned lawnmowers in front of them.  
“What do you say, shall we tell them there's a brand-new tractor in the shed to mow with?” Lucas grins.  
“But noo! What's the fun in that? My, look at Art! Hard to believe he`s 75.”  
“Yeah, because no one ever told him there`s a tractor! No, honestly, this man still runs marathons.”  
“Roger is a runner, too.”  
“That shows. Anyway, the ladies are all delighted. And Tarek too.”  
“Poor guy, don't make fun of him.”  
“Have you ever thought about having him pierced?”  
“ I assume we are not talking about Tarek here.”  
“Oh, sorry, of course not. I pierced him, though. Tarek. I could pierce Roger, if you want. I can imagine a Guiche on him.”  
“It would be helpful to know what that is.” I shrug. I never thought about piercings.  
“It is stung between the anus and the scrotum. Not only beautiful to look at, it also stimulates the prostate. That's nice. I got one, too. Once it's healed, you can play with it, put weights on it and stuff like that.”  
“Is this part of your medical kink, to pierce people?”  
“Nah, I just like piercings, and whenever I meet someone, I think of what piercings would look good on him. Or her.”  
“Cora isn`t pierced.”  
“Not her thing. I`m pierced for the two of us.”  
“Where are you pierced, then?”  
“Both nipples, the Guiche, a PA, a ladder down the shaft….”  
“You have metal in your penis?”  
“I have a lot of metal in my penis. Do you want to see?”  
“How could I say no when an attractive man wants to show me his dick?” I grin. That's funny. I never would have thought Lucas to be into piercings.   
“Oh!” I gasp when he had pulled his pants down without any fuss. “That`s indeed a lot of metal, man. Uh. Well, it suits you, but I can`t imagine Roger with piercings in his penis. I actually like Roger`s penis very much the way it is. This Guiche thing seems to be interesting, though. Would you show me?”  
“You perverted faggot, you just want to see my asshole, huh?”  
“Of course! I saw your penis, now show me your hole!”  
We are laughing like mad until we get interrupted by Nadine.  
“What's going on, boys?”  
“It's not what it looks like.” Lucas snorts, making me laugh even more. “Showing him the Guiche!”  
“Has anyone ever told you that you're all deep-rooted perverts?”  
“Said the lady who looks like a granny and whips her husband into oblivion!” Lucas chuckles.

Goodness, I do enjoy this company. Very much. 

I will learn soon enough that not every guest makes such a good company.  
At lunchtime Claudia informs us that Toby and Marianne had to leave. One of their girls had an accident and broke her leg.  
“So, as most of you know, we have a long waiting list for Winfield House and a new couple will arrive this evening. First-time visitors. Femdom, male sub.” She explains.  
“Wow, Ella! For once we are the absolute majority.” Nadine winks.  
We're all a little sad about it, though, of course. Marianne would have surely enjoyed what I had planned for the evening, too bad she can`t watch.  
Nevertheless we are of course curious about the new couple.  
Toby left his address and phone number for us, Roger and me, at Claudia`s office. Since they also live in the London area, we will certainly meet them anytime soon.  
So this is how we gather in the salon this evening, for a pre-dinner-drink to greet the new ones.  
It's hard to believe that Roger and I arrived just two days ago.  
Even less to believe how Roger's behaviour has changed since then. He still insists on collar and leash, the leather cuffs were added, too, but there's nothing left to notice of the shame on the first day.  
I would love to kiss him all the time, can't keep my hands off him, and he doesn't seem to feel any different.  
“What you did this morning, that was nice.” He whispers. “Could you do that again?”  
Well, he is doing it again, melting into my touch as soon as I have my arms around him, like in the morning, from behind, nibbling at the tender flesh of his neck, then biting hard.  
There is this deep growl, vibrating in his chest. Goodness, I don`t know where this is coming from all of a sudden, but I want to hear him scream, right now, right here.   
“Needy pain slut! Such a debauched wanton boy you are!”  
“Yes, sir. More. Please!” Not a scream, breathless little moans, loud enough to be heard by everyone present.   
I pull him with me into that corner where we sat last evening with Toby and Marianne, sit on one of the armchairs, Roger on my lap. My hand in his hair, jerking his head back, the strong neck beautifully arching, throat exposed.  
Looks like Arthur's gonna get his wish fulfilled sooner than he thought, and very differently than planned.  
“God, Nick!” he whimpers as my hardness throbs against his bare ass. God, I wish I would be naked, too. He's closed his eyes, rubbing on my dick. My free hand finds one of the hard, sensitive nipples, I pinch firmly.  
“So responsive, boy. So greedy.”  
“For you, Nick, sir!”  
God. Oh God.  
I don't want to let go of that hair. I don't want to let go of that delicious little nub. Fuck. I need more hands.  
I still have my mouth, though. My teeth.   
The sharp, pointed cry when I bite his shoulder almost makes me come into my pants.   
Control. I need control. I can`t think if he rides my cock like this.  
“Get up!” I bark.   
I don't want to sound so harsh, but my own lust makes me hoarse.  
“Hands on your back.”   
The carabiner clicks the leather cuffs together.  
He shouldn't rub on me, it's driving me crazy, so I kneel on the seat, Roger standing with his back to me right in front of the chair. Better. Much better. Control.  
He shudders when I push three fingers into his mouth, fucking him deep.  
“Yes, good boy, wet them up nice.”  
Yet alone those obscene, squishing noises he makes, garnished with panting and moaning, have me on the edge of losing it all.  
And this sight, the broad, scratched back, the perfect, firm ass. Twitching muscles, drops of sweat. My very own definition of heaven.   
He gasps when I take my fingers out of his warm, wet mouth. “Nick, please!” 

“You will stand still, hear me? Legs wide”

He`s shaking all over, muscles twitching ever so nicely, but otherwise he doesn`t move the slightest bit.  
That's a lot harder than being tied to a beam. Without support, free standing, hands on back.  
And it's going to be even harder with my fingers in his tight little hole and my teeth in his flesh.  
I never bit my play partners. That was too intimate for me, as absurd as it might sound.  
But Roger, goodness, he tastes so good, he responds so wonderfully to it.  
It can't be too intimate with Roger, ever, the only reason I keep kneeling at this chair is that , if I don`t, if I would stand behind him, I couldn`t resist to flush into this naked, sweaty body.   
And if I would do that, control will be gone.   
So, no, kneeling it is, it has to be.  
My spit-moist fingers find his entrance, the muscle ring soft and willing, easy to breach.  
To the rhythm of my slow, deep thrusts ,I lick the flexion of his neck until I have found the wondrous little knob inside him.  
His legs are shaking, his knees are giving way as he tries to force me in deeper, and I bite.  
“Yes! Oh, please! Yes!” 

I give him everything, everything he`s asking for, knowing it has to be quickly done, because greeting new guests properly is on the rules list.  
For a long time he has given up standing still under the constant onslaught of my fingers on his prostate and my teeth in his neck, in his shoulder.  
He rides my fingers , fucking himself fast and hard with them.  
I hear Claudia's words as if through cotton wool.  
"Welcome, my dear ones!

"Come now, Roger, come for me!"

His muscles close tightly around my fingers and he screams.

Roger likes to scream when he comes, and he's screamed a lot of weird stuff already, but I never expected what's coming out of his mouth now.  
"Tim!”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how to use a cane

It takes me quite a while to get it. Roger screaming out another man`s name when I just made him come is all the way irritating, and I haven`t even finished this thought when he turns to me, eyes wide with shock.  
“Oh…oh god, sorry! But…” he stutters.  
“Tim? Ron`s Tim?” I whisper as the name finds its place in my memory; my fingers still encased by Roger`s tight heat.  
Lauren hands me a towel, winking, and my lover moans with the loss of my fingers, legs shaky, panting heavily.   
“Tim.” He nods. “Been a while since he was Ron`s Tim, though. Goodness, this is weird.”  
The couple still stands close to the door, chatting with Claudia, and Roger’s shout has apparently not been heard or is ignored.  
Tim is tall and lean, reminding me of John. I secretly correct my first impressions. He clearly heard, but is obviously not allowed to take his attention away from his Mistress, a very imposing figure. Very tall, almost as tall as her sub, slim but curvy, the floor -length satin dress in shiny burgundy fitting like a glove. Our eyes meet across the room as if she sensed my gaze and I know in a split second that there will be trouble. If looks could kill, Roger and I would both be dead now.  
“Wow!” Roger gasps. “Is it me or did it get ice-cold in here? ”  
“If you consider that he left a man because of her, she might not be too fond of gays.” I assume.  
“There's something cruel about her. Something very unpleasantly cruel.” He shudders. I have to agree with him, even though I certainly won't admit it.  
Perhaps this impression is misleading, and Roger is undoubtedly prejudiced. It's his best friend's ex-boyfriend and that's the woman he left Ron for. Of course, he's not exactly bursting with enthusiasm at the sight of her.  
“Come on, let's go get cleaned up and give them a proper greeting!”   
Roger doesn't look very pleased when we join the newcomers after a short trip to the washroom, especially because Tim ignores him completely.  
“Nicholas, Roger, my darlings, these are Isabelle and Tim.” Claudia beams, unaware of the sudden tension.  
“My pleasure, Isabelle.” There. Again. If looks could kill. It seems that Madame has to overcome a lot to take my offered hand.  
Her handshake is very short, but not short enough to appear completely unpolite.   
“The pleasure is all mine. That`s my slave, Timothy.” Her tone is as cold as her gaze.  
Roger is still looking at Tim, who is still ignoring him.   
“What's wrong, Timothy? Don't you recognize your old friends anymore?” he smirks.  
“He is not allowed to speak. Besides, you should greet me first, slave!” her brows shoot up and she gives Roger a look full of disgust.  
“I humbly apologize, Madame.”  
Roger's voice drips with irony and I pull his leash in warning.   
“I do not wish my sub to be addressed as a slave.” I say as friendly as I can.  
Claudia finally notices that there could be a problem here and distracts diplomatically.  
“My Lauren has made delicious cocktails, please follow me and give me the pleasure to try them!” Without looking back, the couple makes their way to the bar.  
“Uh-oh!” Lucas smirks. “What the hell was that?”  
“I don't believe this! I just don't believe it! She turned him into a fucking zombie. That's not the Tim I know!” Rogers says quietly, shaking his head.  
“This is slave Timothy, Roger, and I don`t have to tell you that it`s none of your business if he agreed on not talking to anyone! People act different when in subspace, right?” Lucas lies a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it.  
“I've seen him in subspace. More than once. He looked happy and radiant. Now he looks kind of hollow. Like a fucking zombie.”  
“Still, none of your business!” Lucas` voice has a warning undertone. “Would you be kind enough to help Arthur with the drinks? We all want to try Lauren's cocktails, don't we?”  
“Go!” I snap, almost convinced he's about to have another tantrum.  
“As you wish, Master!” he snorts and rushes off.   
“Smells like trouble. So, you know those two?” Lucas wonders.  
“Roger knows Tim. He was his best friend’s sub .Ron, remember? He told you about him at the first evening.”  
“Oh. Ok. I will keep an eye on them. I won`t say it out loud, but Roger has a point. Something's not right. Make sure you control your loved one. Maybe you should use the gag again after dinner.”

Talking of the dinner, it isn`t very erotic this evening. Isabelle sits at the head end, throwing me venomous looks all the time. Roger kneels beside me and willingly lets me feed him, but his mind is somewhere else.  
The mood is tense, none of the subs is anywhere near to subspace. That way my plan for the evening won't work out. I have to talk to Isabelle because apparently it's me she has a problem with, why ever that is.  
Ella and Nadine try in vain to get a conversation going, but finally give up. We eat in silence. Claudia and Lauren do not show up, which is very unusual.  
This is awkward! I'm not gonna let that woman spoil all our fun.  
I'm about to ask her directly if she has a problem with gays when Tim just keels over. Just like that.   
"Timothy!" Isabelle screams in panic.  
Roger manages in a split second to release the snap hook on his shackles and his head collides with Isabelle`s as they kneel together beside the unconscious man, who is already opening his eyes again.  
“You drugged him, you stupid bitch!” yells Roger.  
“Shut the fuck up, you faggot” she yells back and the sound that can now be heard does not fit at all into this unpleasant scene.  
It's Tim, and he's laughing. Very loud.  
“You two are really funny, you know that? I'm afraid to fly, man! I'm sorry, Isa. I just gotta give Roger a hug.”  
“Fine!” Isabelle blurts and storms out.  
Tim wants to run after her, but he can't get up.  
“Fuck it! Can someone please take care of my wife?”  
I exchange a look with Lucas and he nods at me. My turn, then.  
She sits on the stairs, sobbing like mad.  
“Fuck off!” she screams when she notices me.  
“No. You're not getting rid of me, Isabelle, not until we figure this out.” I sit beside her, handing her a serviette I brought from the table.  
“Fuck! We should never have come here.”  
It`s the sheer panic in her voice what makes me understand, crystal clear.  
This is not about me, not about homophobia or whatever. I carefully place a hand on her shoulder.  
After all, we are complete strangers, I don`t know if this touch will be tolerated.  
“He left him for you. He will not go back to a man just because he sees a gay couple, Isabelle.”  
That seems to open a knot.  
“Oh my, is it that obvious? I`m…well, I`m scared. Tim is…he is all I ever wanted; you know? Is…will Roger look for him? He wasn`t all wrong about the drugs. We interrupted our honeymoon to come here, flew in from Mauritius, and Tim is quite phobic when it comes to flying, so he took a few sleeping pills to survive the flight. I told him that one is enough, but he was panicking during the flight, so he had two more. This and the excitement has been too much, I guess.”  
Once again this would prove that the first impression is not always correct.  
We sit on the stairs for almost an hour, talking about how they met, what a fight it was for Tim, her fears that she might not be enough for him, that he might misses being with a man.  
“Well, and then we came in and the first thing we saw was you and Roger…” she shrugs.  
“Tim knows about my fears, of course, so he decided to ignore you, just to show me that he`s not interested in men any more. But I have understood that this is not the right way. We need to talk. So Roger is a good friend of... of Ron, yes?"  
“I am.” Roger`s voice comes from out of nowhere. He stands in the hall with Tim.  
“I apologize for the…eh…bitch part, ok? Tim told me about the pills and I…sorry. I was not thinking straight. I was hurt because …”  
“Don`t apologise for saying the truth. I was a bitch. To you, to Nick and most of all to Tim. Would you come to our room so we can start over?”  
The four of us will go into Isabelle and Tim`s room, talking half the night before going down to the playroom. Roger and me that is, as Tim and Isabelle definitely need some sleep after the long flight and everything what happened since they arrived here.  
Everyone else is still there and there is a lot of play, but as far as Roger and I are concerned, I'm not sure.  
I think it`s a better idea to be by ourselves first, talking things over, so I lead him into the bar and go behind the counter, searching for my favourite wine.  
“Can you handle this, Roger? That your best friend's sub is now married to a woman?” I ask while uncorking the bottle.  
“Hm. I don`t know, to be honest. It`s not the fact that it`s a woman, though, that would be all hypocrite, wouldn`t it? I left my wife to be with men, he left Ron to be with a woman. What I really don`t understand is…they seemed to be happy. It's just hard for me to understand that this depth that I have seen between the two is simply interchangeable.”

God. Interchangeable. That seems to be one of his favourite words. I try to stay objective.  
“The fact that you have a slightly different relationship than most other people is no guarantee that this relationship will last forever. I think you can drift apart just like any other couple, and when you separate and you are what you are, you will have another relationship like that, if you`re lucky enough. Because you don`t want it any other way.”  
“Not me.”   
“What?”  
“If we would ever separate, I don`t want to have another relationship like this. Because this…it can only work with you!”  
He`s afraid. That hits me like a hammer. He envied Ron and Tim so much for what they had, he thought it`s the perfect relationship, something he wished for himself to have, and it broke.  
“We will never separate!” I say softly, pulling him close.  
“How can you be sure? I bet that Ron thought the same about him and Tim.”  
“You make me feel complete. And I never want to be incomplete again.”  
It sounds pathetic, perhaps, naive even, but it`s what I feel.   
“I love you, Roger, and I'll never let you go again. If I have to, I'll chain you to my bed.”  
“I might like that.” He winks. “I love you, too, Nick. More than you can even imagine.”  
I can! I see it in his eyes every time he looks at me, I feel it in his touches, I feel it in every minute I spend with him.  
Once again I realize how much Roger needs this stability, the security, and I'm only too happy to give it to him.

“Shall we do this? When we're alone and the kids aren't around? Shall I screw an iron ring in the head end of the bed and tie you up at night?” 

“Yes, sir, that would be fine.”  
“I'd like to do that for a whole day. Strap you to the bed so you can barely move. You couldn't do anything without my help, you'd be completely at my mercy.” I swear, I didn't even want to talk about this. I didn't know until just now that I wanted something like this, making him completely helpless for hours long. But once started, this thought takes on further forms, things that I really never thought about before and that scare me a little. It would be the ultimate power. And there's a small but important detail I would have to discuss with Lucas.  
Anyway, my little idea has an enormous effect on Roger. His dick is hard like a rock, his face plunged into lovely pink.  
I give him a glass of wine, smiling.  
"Just one glass, because we have plans, I've just decided. Come, let`s go over to the smoker`s room, sharing a cigarette.”  
He's obviously in the mood to play, and maybe it`s an excellent plan, an excellent way to help him find his inner balance again.  
Lucas and Cora are also there for a smoke, what reminds me of the few questions I have for Lucas. But this is not the right time, I have to speak to him in private.  
We drink our wine, Roger kneeling at my feet without being told, another sign that he longs for this state in which he finds his peace. His stubby cheek rubs against my leg and he makes cute little noises. A wordless, but clear plea for more.  
I wait until he has finished his drink and stroke his hair the whole time. When the glass is empty, I grab hold, force him to look at me. I know he loves it when I pull his hair. This little sharp pain on his scalp is a reminder of who's in charge.  
He needs those gestures, those reminders to find his place.  
“Roger, darling, I want you to go into the playroom and chose a cane from Claudia`s collection, then get on the padded bench, knees and forearms, the cane placed across your back. Will you do that for me? “  
“Yes Sir, thank you.”  
Before I let him go I bend down for a deep kiss.  
“I love you, Roger.”  
“Love you too, Sir.”  
I look at him smiling as he leaves the room.  
A handsome man.  
My handsome man.  
“You got little sparkling hearts in your eyes when you look at him, you evil Dom.” Cora smiles warmly.  
“Oh, Cora. I love him so much that sometimes being the evil Dom is quite hard, because all I want is to cuddle and kiss.”  
“Good. Pain is even better when you know there will be cuddles and kisses afterwards.” She winks and steals a kiss from Lucas.  
“It has to be everything, right?” he nods.  
“Is Arthur still in the playroom? I owe him something.”  
“Yeah, he is. Has been quite occupied the last hour or so. Nadine has an amazing stamina with the whip. Such a pleasure to look at. But I bet you two will be some eye candy, too.” Lucas grins.

We walk into the playroom together and I`m all pleased to find Roger on that bench on knees and forearms, the cane lying on his back. To my surprise, everyone else sits on the sofa or is kneeling before it. Everyone but Art.   
He kneels in front of the bench , the end where Roger`s head is, looking up as he notices me.  
“If you don`t mind, young Master, I would really enjoy to see his face while you are caning him. I think it looks pretty nice when he gives up being a pathetic stubborn bastard. What, Roger? I really believe that! Stop rolling your eyes.”  
“Snitch!” Roger hisses, making the cane roll off his back.  
“Excuse me, did you just insult my husband?” Nadine says, her bright smile audible in her voice.  
Good. No tension in here. People seem to have recovered from what happened at dinner.  
Roger prefers to remain silent. He knows only too well that this is the wiser decision.  
Did I say no tension? Well, he is tense, no question. But I think it`s a good one.   
He twitches heavily as I run my finger across his spine.  
“You'll have to wait a few minutes longer, I'll get something from our room.”  
I pick up the cane and lay it across his back.  
“Don't throw it down again, you hear? Arthur, you are very welcome to stay here. Keep an eye on him, will you?”  
“Of course, young Master.”   
We wink at each other and I rush up the stairs to fetch some of our toys. I know that Claudia and Lauren keep the toys very clean, but there are things that I only want to use on Roger with the knowledge that they have never touched anyone else.  
The fact that all present obviously want to watch us makes me a little nervous, but also somehow happy. Much to my delight, even Claudia and Lauren are there when I get back, watching as curious as everyone else.  
“Did he behave, Arthur?”   
“Perfectly, young Master. No eye-rolling, no complaining. He can be good if he wants.”  
“That's right. “ I smile, lovingly tousle Roger`s hair and reach for the cane.  
This is definitely my instrument. It feels like the extension of my arm, and the sound as I let it rush through the air pumps pure adrenalin into my veins. It's the first time, I'm just realising. The first time I`d use a cane on Roger.   
I take the time to familiarize myself with the device. Canes are natural products and each one is different. This one is long and narrow, with a slight right bend. It'll bite hard, maybe even split the skin open. I wonder if that's why Roger picked it. The thinner they are, the more biting the pain. I'm sure he knows that, after all, he's been getting beaten up twice a week by Ron and Enrique.  
I walk over to the umbrella stand where all the canes are kept and look at each one. Yes. He definitely chose the thinnest.   
Someone really wants this.  
Someone is eager after pain.  
Arthur has been watching me closely the whole time, and a look at his face tells me that he has come to the same conclusion as I have.  
“What do you think, Art, why'd the little bitch pick that one?”   
“Because he loves pain.” He replies, matter-of-factly.  
“Is that so, Roger?” I let the tip of the cane slip between his ass cheeks.   
“Uh.”   
“Could I possibly get a decent answer?”  
“God. Please. “  
“Is Art right, Roger? Do you love pain?”  
“You know I do!”  
“Then say it. Answer my question! And in a way that everyone can hear.”  
He`s fighting for words, fighting his shame, and I love it. I love it so much I get painfully hard.  
“I…oh god, yes. I love it. I love it when you hurt me. I …I need it!”   
“There you go. Before we start, darling, I have something else for you. Open your beautiful mouth.”  
Roger blushes heavily when I push a particularly big butt-plug between his lips.  
“Suck it nicely, make it wet.”  
Some people may find it strange, but I love the passion with which Roger sucks on this piece of hard rubber. Almost tenderly, almost as if it were my dick. God, this sight makes me so hot that I actually think about fucking him hard in the mouth and come down his throat before I start.  
No. Not now. Later, maybe.   
Now I want to make him scream under the cane.  
“Keep it in while I`m preparing your sweet little hole.” I whisper, making him shudder.  
His entrance is soft and willing, accepting my lubed fingers without any resistance. He moans around the plug when I find this delicious bundle of nerves inside him, giving it a few strokes. His inner walls clench around my fingers, trying to hold me inside. I pull out, giving him a hard smack on each of his cheeks.  
“Patience, boy. It's not you who sets the pace here.” I release the plug from his mouth and push it in where it belongs, getting rewarded with a moaned “ Yes, Sir.”  
“You are very welcome, boy. Don`t dare to push it out. No coming until you have my permission.” First, I gently tap the tip of the cane against the base of the plug.  
He wiggles his divine ass in delight and whimpers softly.  
Then the first blow follows unexpectedly, across both trembling ass cheeks.  
Sharp, pointed cries mix up with the thuds of the cane on hot skin, with the exquisite buzz when I take a swing. Roger and I become one, connected through the cane, breathing in time with the thuds, his exhales all cries and moans.  
I lose all sense of time. lose myself in the delicious sounds, in the sight of Roger's sweaty skin, glitter and welts. Pretty red welts, some burst open, blood mixes with sweat. An additional burning to the bite of the cane. The only reason I'm not holding back is because he knows the pain. I saw his back after Enrique worked him over. Roger's certainly not afraid of a little blood and I want him to feel the difference. I want Roger to feel me. Our connection.  
“Scream for me, my Roger! Scream!”  
“Nick! Oh, Nick, Sir! Yes! More, oh please!”  
God. I can`t stand this, I really can`t! I have to come.  
I jerk the plug out, leaving his hole open and vulnerable and give it one pointed strike with the cane. As he screamingly releases his load onto the leather bench, I get my cock out, wanking fiercely, shooting my cum all over his back.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how to have a break

I slightly panic when waking up to find myself alone in bed. It’s early morning, I probably haven't slept more than two hours, which a glance at the clock confirms.  
Where is Roger?  
Was it too much?  
God, he was bleeding and hell, how much I liked that!  
People are talking about subspace all the time, but there`s also a Domspace, I just found out.  
The moment you are completely taken by the rush of might, the feeling to really own somebody, skin and bones. To hold someone's soul in your hands. That was huge. Breathtakingly huge.  
We actually lost all sense of time and only after we had held on endlessly, completely overwhelmed, did Claudia whisper to me as we walked out:  
“Two hours. Take a day for yourself , you need a break.”  
That's clearly an order.

I slip in a bathrobe, making my way down the stairs, legs still a little shaky.  
He`s in the smoker`s room, all alone, the only light comes from the full moon that shines through the window.  
The sight of him, naked and bathed in silver light, takes my breath away for a moment.  
“God, are you beautiful.” I whisper.  
This little smile spreading over his face almost makes me cry with happiness.  
“Thank you, Si…Nick. Nicholas.”  
“Roger, love, are you ok?”  
“I can`t come down. Scares me a bit.” He admits.  
Without a second thought I kneel down in front of him and lay my head in his lap.  
“No need to be scared, darling.”  
For once it is he who caresses my hair tenderly.  
“I think I need a break. This is doing too much to me. Besides, I can't handle Tim being here. He keeps reminding me that this can go wrong, that I could be inter..”  
“Roger, if you dare saying *interchangeable* yet again, I will gag you for the rest of the week here, I swear.”  
“You know what's really scary? A not insignificant part of me would probably actually like that. I want... it confuses me how much I just want to do what you say. How much I want to obey you. And the more I give you, the more scared I am of losing you. This isn't a game anymore, is it, Nick?”  
“I guess it was never a game. It is what we are. But you know what? We are much more. I, for example, am also a loving son who hasn't visited his parents for far too long. How about we go see my parents later? They don't know about us yet, and my mom will be so excited to see you. You'd have to wear clothes, though.”  
I love this little laugh he gives at that. I understand exactly what he means. These feelings are intense, frighteningly intense, and I think we could both use a dose of normalcy. Not Dom and sub, Master and slave.  
Just Nicholas James Bates bringing his boyfriend Roger Taylor along to show his parents how madly in love he is.  
“Come, love, let`s go to bed. We need some sleep. I'll write a note to Claudia that we'll be gone all day today, okay?”

“I don't know... that's gotta be worth like five million penalty points, right?”

“Almost everyone who's here for more than a weekend takes some time off, Roger. It`s another world and people can get lost in it. Claudia said we should have a break, and she`s perfectly right, isn`t she?”  
“Is that so or are you just saying it to make me feel less like a little whiner?”  
“I`m saying this because it`s the truth. And because, frankly, I feel a little lost myself. I want to own you, Roger. And I know you can't own people. Slavery's gone, thankfully. Still...”  
“Yeah. Still. That`s exactly the point. I felt it today, when you caned me. I felt that you could do everything you want with me, that I am all yours. And that there is nothing I want more than being yours. An incredible feeling. Indescribably beautiful. But also fucking frightening.”

I almost forgot what he looks like in jeans and a Tee and when he comes out of the bathroom around noon his sight makes me smile broadly.  
“You are one stunning stud, Mister Taylor. I called my parents, they are home and happy to have us. Mom bombed me with questions, but I didn`t tell her it`s you. God, I can`t wait to see her face. Come here!”  
He winces slightly when I pull him close and I can feel the weals through the T-shirt.  
“Hurts?” I ask quietly and am a bit ashamed to be so turned on, so proud of my work.  
“Good hurt.” Roger purrs, melting into my touch.  
Uh. Oh God, yes, we definitely need a break. His slinkiness drives me all nuts. He's become so much softer, gentler. More receptive.  
Obedient. Submissive. I want him on his knees, his stubbly cheek rubbing at my leg, I want…  
God. Getting out of Dom mode is harder than I thought.  
“If we don't leave right now, I'll throw you on the bed and fuck you until you scream.” I moan.

We make it straight to the car without meeting anyone.  
This time Roger does not refuse the comfortable seat cushion and I cannot stop grinning.  
This is so childish. Being proud of the fact that my defiant, stubborn sub can't sit because of me.  
“That makes you happy, you perverted freak, right?” he chuckles as he starts the engine.  
“Indeed. Absolutely. Utterly and completely.” I admit.  
“Me too. It's good to feel you everywhere. I think I like being a perverted freak.”  
Before we drive off we have to make out a round with the engine running.  
We don't talk much while driving. I think we both need to come down, switch to family mode.  
I didn't know there was such a thing as a loving silence.  
My hand lies the whole time on his firm thigh, I feel the flexing of his muscles under my fingers. My man. My strong, wonderful man.

The door opens as soon as I press the bell button.  
To see how my mother's radiant smile changes in fractions of a second into the expression of sheer amazement makes me laugh.  
“Is that... you look like... my goodness!”  
“Good afternoon, Mrs Bates. Thank you for inviting me to dinner. I'm delighted to meet you.”  
That is exactly the sentence Roger said to my mother when he first came to us. Over 20 years ago.  
“Oh!” Mom`s eyes get wet. “How`s that possible? What…” she looks back and forth between Roger and me, desperately searching for any suitable words.  
“This is Roger. Roger Taylor. That's funny, right? He's our drummer. And I have a huge crush on him.”  
“You didn't say that 20 years ago!” Roger smiles.  
“Right. But I should have.”  
“Well, it was worth the wait, Nicholas.” He winks  
My mother finally comes out of her rigidity and wraps her arms around Roger.  
“You've become a real man, little Roger!” she laughs in tears.  
Dad shows up behind her and he can`t stop laughing.  
“Man! I`m dying to hear THAT story!”  
After a lot more hugs we finally sit in the living room with champagne glasses and I tell them what happened. The parent-suitable version, of course.  
That we spent a night together in the 80s , that it scared Roger. John's idea of a reunion, our search for Roger and how we found him. Without gay SM- clubs and men with dog tails up their asses.  
Later I help my mom in the kitchen and that`s when she makes me all speechless.  
“You can see how much you're in love and I can't tell you how happy I am! I thought you'd never find anyone. I was afraid your strange sexual preferences would stop you from loving someone, Nicholas.”  
“My strange sexual…mom!”  
“Oh, come on! Did you think I didn't know that? I'm your mother, and I'm not blind or stupid. Your funny booklets with chained men were very revealing, and the various little hidden clues in your apartment were quite striking. And how poor Roger tries hard not to flinch too much when you hug him...oh God, no, I don't want to think about what you are doing. It's none of my business either. I want you to be happy, my son, and I've never seen you so happy. You've clearly sought and found each other, that`s all what matters to me. He's lovely, Nick. I've always thought he's lovely, and he's become a very attractive man. No more of this shy little thing that he was.”  
“I confess, Mom, I'm embarrassed. I didn't know... you never said anything!"  
“It scared me a little, Nick. I was afraid you were an unfeeling, cruel person. But I read. I was talking to people. I don't understand it, but I realize it has nothing to do with cruelty or violence. It's a different way to love. And I'm glad you found someone to share it with.”  
“Have I told you lately that you will never stop to amaze me, mom? I`m proud to be your son! And yes, I love him. I love him with all my heart. He is a dream come true. I should have gone after him then.”  
“It wouldn't have done any good, Nick. He wasn't ready and neither were you. Some things just take time.”  
We spend a wonderful evening with my wise, knowing mother and my clueless father.  
After dinner I call Claudia and tell her that we are staying over. 

“You coming back, Nick?” she wants to know. 

“Yeah. Tomorrow. I have a lot of plans for him.”

“Oh, we're all looking forward to it. Good night, dear.”  
“Good night, Madame!”


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how people find new ways

Stepping into the hall feels a lot like coming home. The home in the other world.  
We just stand there for a moment, holding hands, feeling the mood changing slowly.  
Amazing.   
We look at each other and we see it, we feel it with every breath we take. Getting back into it is definitely easier than coming out.   
“Wow!” Roger says quietly. “That`s like magic or something.”   
“Go upstairs. Clean yourself, inside and out. Go and find Claudia when ready, ask her if there`s still some work to do.”  
“Yes, Ni...Sir.”  
I love it. I simply love it.   
Surprised by the silence in the house I have to wonder if everyone took a day off when I hear someone whistling a very familiar tune. It`s Art, who comes out of the dining room.  
“Ah, the young Master is back!” he smiles. “Did you have a good time?”  
“We did, thank you, Art. You listened to some of our music, huh? It was *the chauffeur* you whistled.”  
“We saw a few of your vids last evening, and that was my fav. Quite erotic, isn`t it? I like your slow stuff more than the funny pop songs, I have to say. The lyrics are very cryptic, though.”  
“Blame the singer. Modern poet with a slightly twisted mind. Where`s everyone?”  
“Playroom. Lucas and Cora have been playing a sensory deprivation game for hours. Fascinating. I admire Cora, I would probably have gone completely mad myself. I just can`t stand breath play, makes me panicking. And yet alone the thought of a tube in my penis…no, thanks. I had surgery once and needed a catheter, hated it to no end. But Lucas, this perverted little bastard…ooops, sorry. Where`s the kiddo?”  
“Upstairs. Preparing.”  
Oh. That`s funny. Arthur blushes. I don`t think I`ve ever seen this before.  
“Uh. Now that you mention it, young Master, mind to have a smoke with me? I need to ask you something.”  
My goodness, that's adorable. The way that tall, experienced man writhes in his armchair when we are in the smoker`s room.  
“Out with it, Arthur.” I chuckle.  
“I`m afraid you gave my wife some weird ideas.”  
“Ah. Such as?”  
“Ehrm…well, a…you know…a plug. Next time we`ll play she wants me to wear a plug. And, believe it or not, I`m an absolute virgin. Never had something in my…in me. Never ever.”  
Goodness. I can`t help but laugh.  
“Are you laughing at me, Nick? Not funny!”  
“I would never laugh at you, Art. It`s just… It always surprises me how many heterosexual men have no idea of the most erogenous zone of their body. Even such an experienced man like you.”  
“No offence, but I seriously doubt that this is my most erogenous zone!”  
“You do have a prostate, don`t you? And I guarantee that this amazing little thing can give you the best orgasms in the world. Even the entrance itself is more sensitive than you think. It doesn't take much to get stimulated there, Arthur.”  
“You probably can't understand it, but just the thought of being touched there is...I don't know...disgusting.” he shudders.  
“You're still gonna let it happen, though, right? That's why we're sitting here talking. You wouldn't do that if it was an absolute no-go.”

“I really just want to know from you how I can... well... clean myself up so that it doesn't become more embarrassing than it already is.” His face is flaming red by now and for some reason I find it unbearably cute. I fight the need to make the poor man even more embarrassed and limit myself to sober facts.  
“It's no big deal, man. You don't want to do any wild stuff, just a plug. Probably a very small one. Beginner version, huh? So you don't have to do much. All you have to do is just rinse out the entrance a little bit with a shower spray. If you feel safer knowing you're really clean, use an enema.”  
“Can you give me some of your…whatever you call it…preparation stuff?”  
“We don`t use enemas, Art. I`m sure Claudia has some here.”  
“What do you use, then?” he wonders.   
“An anal shower. Can be screwed onto the shower hose, so it works with clear water. Enemas are not suitable for daily use, too aggressive, destroy the intestinal mucosa. But for once in a while it is completely safe to use one, so don't worry.”  
“Yeah, ok. You think I'm a pussy, don't you?”  
“I saw your wife whip you. You're certainly no pussy. You're afraid of the unknown. We all are, aren't we? Try to relax. Good preparation and lots of lube, that's all you need. Worst case scenario, you find the pressure a little uncomfortable, best case, you find out you enjoy it. Just try to let it happen. Try not to tense up. Breathe. That's all.”  
“Easier said than done, man!” Arthur sighs. “You know what`s really funny? When Nadine told me she would do that, I was close to safe wording. But, no joke, I couldn`t remember my safe word. I think, safe words are overrated. Keep that in mind when playing with the kiddo again.”

“That was a quick change of subject, Arthur. Any particular reason?”

"Yes. Your play. That was intense. I was looking at him, Nick, the whole time. Your little drummer's not gonna use his safe word. You gotta be careful. He reaches spheres where something like a safe word no longer exists. I don't know how to explain it. Just believe that I know. Well, thanks for the tips. I'm gonna go wake up Nadine, she's gone for a nap.”  
He leaves me a bit confused, but then I realize the meaning of his words. So clear that for the first time I really grasp what Roger's afraid of. He tried to explain it to me and I didn't understand it.  
I didn't understand the depth. When you feel you are really at someone's mercy, when you actually give that power to someone, you don't stop it. Simply because you think you can't stop it. Because if you could stop it, then you wouldn't have that feeling of being really in the hands of someone.  
Spheres where safe words no longer exist. Goodness.   
That`s not a game anymore, he said, and he meant it.   
He is mine. Really mine. Not a game.  
I go looking for him and find him in the playroom, where he sits cross- legged on the floor, staring at Cora.  
He smiles at me shortly when he notices me, but his gaze is back to the woman in a flash. Pure fascination written all over his face.  
I sit behind him, pulling him close.  
“This is beautiful in a very strange way, don't you think?” he whispers.   
“You don`t have to be quiet. She can`t hear anything. Took me a while to find earplugs which really work, but I guarantee that they do.” Lucas winks.  
Lucas. Wow. I have seen his cock, but I never saw him topless, and I swear, he looks like a dark-skinned god.  
Chest hairless and oiled, defined muscles. The massive silver rings pierced through his nipples fit perfectly to this imposing appearance, they make him look wild and dangerous. Like a warrior of an African tribe or something.  
The primal strength he exudes makes Cora look even more vulnerable.  
She`s naked, bound to the padded table with a whole lot of white straps. Three around each arm and leg, a very broad one around her stomach, there are even straps around her neck and forehead. You can hardly make someone more immobile; I think.  
A leather mask covers her face completely and I wonder how she`s able to breathe when I see the little tube sticking out where her mouth has to be.  
That`s…bizarre.  
Even more bizarre is the bag with urine hanging on the table. A Foley catheter. Weird. Lucas has already told me that he likes to play such games, and when I had the idea of tying Roger to the bed for a long time, I wanted to ask him exactly that. What he does when someone has to go to the bathroom in the middle of it. Well, now I know. For men, a urine bottle would probably do it too. But I confess, the thought of taking control of one's own bladder activity has something very powerful.  
Lucas senses my gaze, winking.  
“I`m the crazy clinic sex guy, huh? The straps are used in psychiatry. Or when people are not allowed to move after major surgery. Very effective and still comfortable. I have tried many things, and they are really best when it comes to a longer period of time. Ropes or handcuffs are unsuitable, they chafe with time or hinder sufficient blood circulation. The catheter…well, the need is obvious, isn`t it?”  
“This mask is creepy.” Roger mutters.  
“Because it`s fully closed?”   
“Right. I'd be afraid to suffocate.”  
“It's purely a matter of practice. We usually use it for breath play. I`ll show you when she`s awake again.”  
“How can you tell she's sleeping?” he wonders.  
“Look at her breathing. She's been lying there since tonight, and I haven't let her sleep much. She's exhausted. I'll untie her when she wakes up and we'll go out tonight. Dinner and dancing.”  
“Normality.” Roger nods in understanding.  
“Exactly. Cora said she thinks you two are very much alike, you and her. This is fascinating to you, isn't it?”  
I feel him tense in my arms for a split second.  
“Uh. Yes. No. I…hm. That would be too much for me, I think.”  
“As I said, Roger, it`s a matter of practice. We didn't start out like this, it's been a long road. Before our child was born, it was mainly about pain play. For whatever reason she can't really enjoy it anymore, so we had to find new things. I admit I was sad at first, just like her. It was as if something very beautiful had been taken away from us. But in retrospect, I was grateful. We discovered so many things, so many feelings, so many possibilities we wouldn't have looked for otherwise. We tried things which had been at the taboo list for years, like pet play and such. And believe me, never in my life did I think how wonderful Cora the kitten is. Role playing in general was never really my thing, I always found it a bit silly. Pretending to be something you're not. But it's fun to discover other sides to yourself and your partner. I have been pirate and king, Roman emperor and cat owner. But what fascinates me most is exactly what we are doing here. The ultimate control. The ultimate trust I get.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how to find a home

Just when there`s a notable change in Cora`s breathing, when she apparently awakes, a puzzled Claudia comes in, concern in her face.  
“Phone call for you at my office, Nicholas. A John.”  
I left the number for him in case of emergency.  
Emergencies.  
Oh, God!  
Something must have happened.  
Roger follows right behind as I practically run for the phone.  
“Hello, pervert! Hopefully I`m not interrupting something!”  
His voice sounds light and happy and I feel my heartbeat slowing.  
“You scared the shit out of me, Nigel!”  
“Oh, why so? I have some very good news to tell, I just couldn`t wait. We found a house. Yay!”  
“Nigel John Taylor! You call me to say you found a house? Are you nuts? I was freaking out. I left the number for emergencies, John! Emergencies!”  
“Well, this is an emergency, sort of. Because, before we will sign the contracts, I have to ask you something. You know, Gela and I talked about it and…”  
I listen to him for over 30 minutes, and what he has to tell me makes my heart pounding yet again .In a good way.  
“I have to talk this over with Roger, okay? I'll call you back.”  
Grabbing Roger`s wrist, I drag him upstairs with me, almost bursting with excitement.  
“They found a house!” I beam, pushing him onto the bed.  
“Heard that.”  
“It`s a big house. A very big house.”  
“Nick, would you get to the point? I'm a little confused.”  
“They want us to move in with them. It is an old manor with many outbuildings. We could practically have our own house, or have our own floor in the main house.   
There would be enough room for all the children, each with their own room. John and Gela will keep their house in Los Angeles and live there about half the year. What do you think? Nigel is freaking out with joy. He says we could set up a playroom.”  
“A playroom. Ah.” Roger blinks blankly.  
“That`s sweet, isn`t it?” I chuckle.  
“Er…”  
I am a little disappointed by his very reserved reaction. I would have expected a little enthusiasm.  
Not about the playroom, of course.   
But about moving in together, about living together.  
“It's a little fast, don't you think?” he says quietly.  
“So what? It's a fantastic opportunity. We could set up our own studio in the basement. We'd have plenty of room. I could live with my two favourite Taylor boys.”  
“I…we`ll have to hide….this.” Roger touches his collar, blushing heavily.  
Oh. I got it!  
“No, Roger. He knows. Gela knows. They are fine with it. Plus, we`ll have our privacy. Besides, I think it would be good for us. Normalcy when we need it. People who like us and accept what we do, but are not involved themselves. People to help us come back down. At least let us look at the house. Please.”

Somewhere near London, June 8th, 2000  
This is without a doubt the best birthday I ever had.   
We celebrate the housewarming at the same time and the sun is shining, everyone is in the garden. And there are many.   
All these people represent our lives, in a way.  
Simon and Andy with their families, our parents, our children.  
The boys from Chains and everyone we met at Winfield House. Except Tim and Isabelle.   
As we left this magical place, Roger said goodbye to Tim with a heavy heart. Both knew they would never see each other again.   
Roger's friendship with Ron is too deep, Isabelle's fear is too real.  
Roger hugs me with a smile and we look at the illustrious crowd of guests together.  
"Well, birthday boy, are you happy?”  
“This is home, Roger. I could fall asleep on my feet, but I plan on partying through till morning.”  
To say that the last few weeks have been exhausting would be the understatement of the century.  
Roger, John, Gela and I were busy from morning till night making this house the home of our dreams.   
The ground floor of the main house has become a kind of communal area. Gela and John have their apartment on the first floor, Roger and I on the second.  
The children have their rooms in the annex. In the former coach house we have set up a recording studio with enough space to have full band jams.  
The room in the attic was discussed at length.  
Can we dare to have a playroom in a house that is temporarily occupied by up to five children?   
After much deliberation we decided to tell the children a shameless lie. The lie of a completely dilapidated and dangerous attic, secured with a very strong door and a huge metal lock.  
Roger and I each wear a key to this lock around our necks as pendants. This is not only a necessary precaution, but also a very important reminder of the nature of our relationship.  
In the last few weeks that was pretty much the only thing that reminded us of it, because we were just too busy to do anything else but fall asleep next to each other completely exhausted.  
Furnishing the room was a lot of fun and we both can't wait to finally inaugurate it.  
“Who is the guy with the glasses and the bald head?” asks John, who joins us.  
“What? You don't remember your new friend?” Roger grins.  
“My…oh! Is that Miles? Funny! And this dark beauty over there?”  
“Lucas.” I chuckle.  
“The woman, you idiot!”  
“Cora. She looks great, huh?”   
“I`m utterly in love with Lauren. Claudia is a bit scary. Oh, and I can`t imagine Nadine whipping Arthur.”  
“Uh. We can. Actually, I think she`s more scary than Claudia.” Roger shudders. “Look, Toby and Marianne had arrived! Let`s go over and say hi!”   
The couple brought their twin daughters and it won't take them five minutes to sit with James and Tatji.  
Our parents have a lively conversation with Nadine and Art, the LeBons sit at a table with Enrique and his wife.  
Isn`t it beautiful? All those people getting along so well.   
I was about to go into the kitchen to get some new snacks when a little hand takes mine.  
“Let me help you, Nick.”  
“That's very nice of you, Elliot.”  
Eagerly, the little one pours peanuts and chips into the empty bowls.  
"Do you like it here, Elliot?"  
“Uh-huh. I never had such a large room all for myself. Uh, the house is biiiig, huh?”  
“A lot of people live here, don't they?”  
“Hmm. That's great. Are Tatjana and Atlanta my sisters now?”  
“Not really.”  
“But it feels that way.”   
“Does it feel good?”  
“Yeah. They' re nice.”  
“I think if you feel that way, they' re your siblings. John's not really my brother either, but he is to me.”  
“I understand. Nick?”  
“Huh?”  
“My room is really big…if…if I feel lonely, can I come to your room? “  
“Of course, hon.”  
“Can Mr. Frog come too? Can we cuddle?”  
Goodness. He`s so lovely!  
“I love cuddling. And if you want to cuddle with your daddy alone...”  
“No. All of us. You and Daddy and Mr. Frog and me.” he flings his tiny arms around my waist and I have to hold back tears here.  
“You know, your painted eyes are pretty.”  
There. Tears.  
I`m probably the most sentimental so-called Dom on the planet. 

When Roger and I come into our bedroom at four in the morning, Elliot is lying there in bed with his frog in his arms.   
So much for us having finally sex again.  
My darling and his son are still asleep when I sit in the kitchen with all the other children, John and Gela.  
“You look like you had a rough night, Bates!” Gela teases.  
“You have no idea! Elliot kicked me all the time and Roger snores terribly when he's drunk.”  
“Daddy snores even when he's not drunk.” Ellea giggles.  
It's wonderful. All of us here together at one table, a large, very unusual family.  
“John, I have to tell you this was the best idea you ever had.” I smile.  
“Yeah! It’s the name, you know. Studies have proven that people named Taylor are incredibly intelligent and come up with the best ideas.”  
All Taylors present applaud to that and Tatjana sighs heavily.  
“ I finally figured how it feels to be a disadvantaged minority!”  
“Our dads could get married and you could be named Taylor.” Ellea grins.  
“No, Ellea, they can't. Men can't get married.” James shrugs.  
“Well, why not? It's not fair.” His sister says.  
“Yeah, unfair and totally stupid. But who knows, maybe that'll change. And if it does, I'm your best man, Nick.” John gives me his best smile.  
What can I say? I like this thought. Very much.

With the kids all gone to their mothers again this evening is the first ever to be alone in the house for the four of us.  
No handymen, curious parents who want to see how it goes, no band colleagues and other friends who drop by.  
Roger and Gela cooked together and John and I are full of praise for the food.  
“Simon and Andy have been surprisingly relaxed about the fact that you are a couple.” States Gela.  
“Indeed! God, I can`t believe it`s really going to happen. The reunion. I`m absolutely overexcited!” Roger lays an arm around my shoulder, kissing my neck.  
John chuckles quietly.  
“You are too cute, you know? It's really hard to imagine you guys doing all these crazy things.”  
“Yes, really. We do incredibly crazy things! Like falling asleep on the sofa or falling into bed fully dressed. All this kinky stuff.” I sigh.  
“Now it's done. We did it, guys! Nobody has to fall asleep on the sofa anymore!” Gela raises her tea mug. “Cheers to that!”  
“Amen and hallelujah!” Roger beams.  
“Soooo…talking about kinky stuff, can we see it?”   
John`s question makes Roger blush heavily.  
“See what?” he blurts.  
“The derelict, dangerous attic!”  
“Oooh, yes please! Please please puuuuh-leeeze! Johnny got to go to this fun club, I want to see kinky stuff too!” Gela bounces in her chair.  
“I wouldn't mind, but it's Roger's decision.” I say, squeezing my man’s muscled thigh.  
“Oh, man, this is exactly why I was worried about moving in with you guys. You're so fucking nosy.”  
“Yes, we are! And you are really cute blushing like this. Come on, Roger, please! It's not like we want to watch you. Although...hmm...I would be interested, I admit.”

“It's not funny, Gela! “  
“I didn't mean it as funny, Roger dear. I'm just telling the truth. So, are we allowed to see the torture chamber or not?”  
“You won't stop nagging until I give in, will you? All right. It would be nice if you would refrain from any stupid saying, though!”  
“No problem. But I can ask questions, right?”  
So we go up to the attic together.  
I feel a little tingle in my tummy. I miss it. It's been so long.  
“That's... wow. Impressive.” John says as we step in.   
“Toby made most of the furniture. His nice little hobby.” I explain.  
“Is that a carpet beater?” Gela examines the suspension device for all kinds of flagellation instruments. One of Toby's works. Very useful.   
“A gift from Enrique. Oh, Gela, no, this is...” I think Rogers blush of shame has reached the upper limit when Gela takes a dildo from the shelf. A pretty big one.  
But I was wrong. There's more.   
It's my fault. I didn't think about the picture. A beautiful black-and-white photography of me and Roger taken at Winfield House by Lauren on our last night.  
Roger hangs visibly exhausted in the wooden frame, naked and covered in sweat. Lauren has edited the picture in such a way that the little runnels and drops seem to glitter. I stand behind him, my hand in his hair closed to a fist, pulling his head back. His cheek lies against my neck and his face...oh God, so beautiful. His lips slightly open, his eyes closed. Pure devotion. Bliss.   
My other arm is wrapped around his waist and I look directly into the camera. And yes, my smile is triumphant and somehow quite mean.  
Mine, it says. This gorgeous creature is all mine.  
Silver nipple clamps with small weights decorate his broad chest, his beautiful cock is half hard and very clearly visible.  
Gela pushes the dildo into the hand of the speechless Roger and stands directly in front of this picture.  
"This is, no shit, the most erotic thing I've ever seen in my life. When you look at it, you know what it's about. I sincerely apologize. It's not kinky stuff. This is...wow. Fuck, man, Roger! You're incredibly beautiful, you know that? Look at this, Johnny! This is erotic art at its best. Because it's real. You can't make these things up. Your faces, this body... I swear I'll never say anything stupid again! Is it allowed to ask what happened before this picture was taken?”  
“He made me fly.” Roger whispers and my heart melts.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how things can escalate

After spending half the night in the attic, completely different from what I had imagined our first time in this room to be like, Roger and I stay in bed until late noon the following day.  
Those hours with John and Gela were perhaps the most intense of our longstanding friendship.  
At first it felt a little strange to sit next to each other on a leather-padded table, which is meant for so many other things than conversation.  
Roger felt visibly uncomfortable, but the honest interest of the two of them made him relax. So much so that at some point he slipped off the table quite naturally and knelt down in front of me.  
The other Taylors were smart enough not to make any comment on that.  
It's also the first night I've chained Roger in bed.  
More symbolically than for real, of course. I want him to be comfortable, he should be able to sleep well.  
He wears a single leather cuff, connected by a silver chain to the metal ring in the headboard of our bed. The chain is long enough not to restrict his freedom of movement. He can free himself at any time, for example, to go to the toilet.  
I wake up before he does and can't get enough of the sight of him.  
As if he could feel my intense gaze he opens his eyes and a small, charming smile appears on his pretty face.  
“Hi.” He mumbles sleepily.  
“Hi yourself. Slept well?”  
“I'm still asleep.”  
“Oh well.” I grin and pull away his blanket. “Anyway, that pretty cock of yours has gotten up.”  
“Hmmm!” he purrs and his warm body huddles against mine.   
The chain clangs softly.  
I like that sound, oh, yes.  
"Hope the test results are in soon, I can't wait to fuck you without a condom.” I whisper into his ear, then biting the sensitive lobe, earning another deep purr. We have both been tested and although I know that I have always had safer sex, waiting for the results makes me a little nervous.  
Still, the idea of shooting my cum deep into his tight, hot ass turns me on incredibly.  
“You know what I'll do then, my darling? I'm gonna fuck you all day long, over and over again. And every time I come deep inside you, I will plug your greedy little hole afterwards to keep my cum in.”  
Roger moans quietly, body shuddering and cock leaking, making my thigh all wet.  
“You like that, huh? My horny little slut. I will fill you with my juice, and when I can't anymore, when I have shot every drop into your greedy ass, then I will watch it run out of you. Maybe I'll give you a little spanking in between, maybe I'll just tie you up and make you wait. And you're not coming until I am absolutely done with you. You'll beg me to let you come. Have I ever told you how much I like it when you beg? It'll be great, don't you think?”  
He starts rubbing up against me.   
Moaning and chain clanking.  
“Can you manage to come like this? Rubbing up against me like a cat on heat?” I growl, biting his earlobe yet again.  
Loud moaning and heavy rubbing is the answer. He is desperately seeking more friction, more stimulation.  
“I asked you a question, Roger.”  
“I…god, please, more! I need…need so bad!”  
“Well, that's bad luck for you. Either you come this way or you don't come at all.”  
“Oh god.”  
“It’s Sir. Or Master. Come on, do it. Show me how much you need it.”  
“Nick, Sir, please. I can't stand it.”  
“You can, you will. But because you beg so nicely, I'll help you a little.”  
When I bite his nipple hard, he comes screaming and while he's still sobbing for breath, I bury my cock deep in his throat.   
We have arrived at home, with all that we are.

The very next day Gela and John learn another lesson in BDSM, although not from us. Ron calls in the morning and asks if he can visit us. He wants to introduce us to his new boyfriend. However, he does not call him boyfriend, but slave, as Roger tells me rolling his eyes.  
“"You're in an awful good mood early in the morning!” Gela mutters when we sit in the Common kitchen on the ground floor and have breakfast together.  
Roger was running and brought rolls with him on the way back. He also emptied the mailbox, which contained some very fine mail.  
“There's a reason for that. You need condoms? Because we don't need them anymore.” I wink at Roger.  
“So your test results are in. Congratulations, but we don't need them. You can give them to Ron, since he has a new slave. Man, this slave thing takes getting used to. And somehow that doesn't sit well with Ron. He's such a nice guy.” John muses.  
“You're wrong, John. Trust me. Ron is evil. Very, very evil. We've had quite a few arguments about his views.” Roger chuckles.  
“Oh, really? And yet you were fascinated by him and Tim.” I point out and raise my eyebrows.  
“You're even more evil than Ron, you know that? There are things I would never admit to Ron.”

Yeah, like how turned on he is by the slave thing. I know.  
When the bell rings around lunchtime, Roger goes to open the door and the three of us are all quite surprised when he returns alone.  
“Where are they?” Gela wonders.   
My love has a very healthy face colour when he starts talking.  
“Well, the thing is, Ron wants me to explain something to you first. His so-called slave was kind of... cocky. Disobedient. As a punishment he is not allowed to talk and Ron wants to know if it is ok for you to be part of a game. He is always very consistent when it comes to punishment, and if that makes you uncomfortable, they go back home. because the ban on speaking is in effect until the evening.”  
“What would happen if he speaks?” Gela wants to know.  
“Knowing Ron, something that hurts pretty bad.” I grin.  
“Well, I think it's exciting. Let them in. Right, Johnny?”  
“Sure, Gela. Sounds interesting.”  
I'm not the only one whose eyes almost fall out of his head when Ron and his... man enter the kitchen.  
“Oh goodness! Has Simon been hiding a brother from us all these years?” John blurts.  
“And you know what's even funnier, John? His name is Charles.” Roger grins.  
“No fucking way! Is that right, Char…oh. Sorry, no talking, huh? I`m John, nice to meet you! That`s my wife Gela.”  
Hell, this is spooky. His blue eyes look like Simon`s, indeed.   
As we all sit at the table, Roger almost starts arguing with Ron again.  
"Tell me, how are we supposed to get to know him if he's not allowed to talk?”  
“He can nod, shake his head, grunt...”   
“Grunt! That's nice, Ron.” He snorts  
“Yeah, isn't it? Just ask me if you want to know something, I can answer for him.”  
Charles chuckles softly and winks at Roger. I'm okay, says the gesture. Don`t worry about me.  
“You guys have those funny ball gags, why don't you use one of those?” Gela wants to know.  
“It's much more exciting that way. He can, but he mustn't. It's about obedience. Damn it, Roger, stop rolling your eyes! I warned you, Nick! Submissiveness and obedience are not his style.”

“You are very much mistaken, Ron. You have no idea how much.” I smirk, making my man blush.  
“If you say so.” Ron shrugs, not a bit convinced.  
“Yeah, really, Ron! Because I was born to serve. Coffee and cake, anyone?”  
Born to serve. How nice.   
That clever little diversion does not fool me. I've long since realized that's what he really wants. To serve. To serve me.  
So Roger serves coffee and cake, and I have to think how much nicer it would be if he were naked.  
He should always be naked, like at Winfield house.   
I'm sure Gela wouldn't mind.  
“Oh, by the way, we have a lot of condoms left, do you want them?” he then asks, and Charles' vehement nod makes us all laugh.  
“That reminds me, Nick, I have another birthday present for you. There's one condition attached to it, though.”  
I see the way Charles looks at Roger. Kind of pitiful.  
Apparently it's a really nasty gift and it's probably more for Roger than for me.

“He'll hate it.” Ron confirms my thoughts, grinning broadly.  
“Don't make it so exciting, man! What's the condition?”  
“You have to show it. At Chains. It has to be exactly where it's supposed to be, and there shouldn't be anything else.”  
“Could you be a little less cryptic, Ron?”  
“No. Excitement's part of the game, isn't it?”  
“Say no! It's evil, isn't it, Charles?” asks Roger, a hint of panic in his voice  
Again Charles nods quite vehemently.  
I give Roger a very friendly smile.  
“Because I think it's absolutely adorable when you squirm a little, I say yes. Let me see, Ron!”  
“You guys are obnoxious together, really.” Another eye-roll.  
He'll pay for this later, in the attic.  
Now I unpack the present Ron has put on the table.  
“Ron! That's great! How did you know I've always wanted this?”

“I didn't. But I do know that I have discussed it endlessly with your lover. I think the word Roger used the most was *never*, never ever!”  
“Uh, would one of you be kind enough to explain to me what this is?” John takes the metal object in his hand and turns it back and forth. “Fuck. I think I know what this is. Some chastity thing, right?”  
Yes, right. A penis cage. It' s gonna look fantastic on Roger, even if he obviously sees it completely different.  
“No, I'm sorry. No way. I'm not putting my dick in a cage, much less carrying it around in a cage at Chains.”  
“You don't have to put your pretty cock in there. I'll take care of it.” I say calmly.  
Roger's face gets the colour of a ripe tomato. 

"No!" he repeats. “Nice to meet you, Charles. Would have been nicer if I could have had a conversation with you. But apparently we're surrounded by disrespectful and inconsiderate jerks.”  
With that he storms out and I hear him running up the stairs.  
“I'm really sorry to say this, but he's absolutely right! Are you guys fucking retarded? To expose him like that in our presence! I may not understand too much about this subject, but for me it was humiliation. He may be into it, I don't know, but it's something you have to work out amongst yourselves and not with four other people at the table. Get your arse up those stairs and apologise, Bates!” Gela stares at me angrily.  
“Hey, we were only kidding! I like to tease Roger a little bit. We've been doing this as long as we've known each other.” Ron is honestly stunned by this reaction.  
“My God, you really don't get it, do you? How many boyfriends or sirs or masters or whatever you call it, has he had since you've known him, Ron, huh? Zero, right?  
It's not fun for him anymore. It's not just a theory. Nick is there, and with Nick all this is really happening, you know? Damn it, Bates, will you get out of here? Are you really that dense? You've both been doing this for decades. It's all new to him. Why don't you all go upstairs and apologize? “

“Why me?” John wonders.  
“Because maybe it wouldn't have escalated so much if you hadn't announced so joyfully that you know what it is. God, I envy Claudia and Lauren. Men are so incredibly stupid!”  
“I don't think that's a good idea, Gela. I think it would be too much for him now. I'll take care of it, okay? I probably understand him more than you do. You can punish me if you think it's appropriate, Ron, but I'm talking to Roger now. By the way, I hate being called Charles. I'm Charlie.”  
“You're the only one around here with any brains, obviously. Come, I'll show you where Roger is.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how Things are not Always the way it seems

Half an hour later Roger and Charlie are back in the kitchen.  
“Can we talk, Nick? In private? Let's go outside, have a smoke.” Roger doesn`t wait for me to answer as he steps out through the glass door.

I feel strangely self-conscious as we stand side by side in the garden. Without touching each other. I am very much aware of that.   
“Roger…” I start.  
“No, me first, ok? You wanted me to tell you why I won`t do certain things. The point is, I was very embarrassed. I think I've ever been more embarrassed. When you and Ron are together, it`s always, oh, Roger is not a bit sub and you are like oh , yes, he is and I feel…I don`t know… Ron ... he's always teased me, and I could always deny everything. I could always say I think it's all terrible and horribly clichéd and I would never do that. But now...” he shrugs, looking at his shoe tips. “Now denying things would be a lie. And that is embarrassing, for me. In front of Ron.”  
“I should have known. You even told me that there are things you would never admit to Ron. I am sorry for disrespecting you. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm giving Ron his present back.”  
“But you like it, right? I remember you talked about it the day before we went to Winfield House.”  
“Yes, I do. But it's not so much the gift as the condition attached to it. If you don't want to show yourself like this in front of Ron, I accept that.”  
“I... he wanted me, Nick. And he told me years ago to finally stop fighting who I am. And I tried. I wanted to try with Ron, but it just didn't feel right. We took a long time to be friends, because he wanted more than friendship. I don't ...please don't let him get involved in any of our plays. It wouldn't be good for our friendship and it would hurt Charlie. I know you like showing me off, but don't let him... don't let him touch me. Not when being in a scene.”  
“You think I'd let him touch you? I would never let that happen, Roger. Ever since we first met at Chains, I knew he had a crush on you. It's okay, I can understand that. But I'm not sharing you with gay Doms. Not in the least. Especially when I know they want you all for themselves. They may watch and be green with envy, but you are mine.”  
“But in Winfield House…”  
“Was there any gay Dom in Winfield House, Roger? Anyone who could have serious interest in you for being his own?”  
“No!” he looks all the way surprised.  
“See? And another thing, my love. Friendship can't take lies. If you have to lie, it's not friendship. Stop fighting with Ron about things he's right about. Be honest with him. Tell him if he still wants you, I'll have to kill him. If he can't just be a good friend to you, I never want to see him here again. You and Ron have to work this out, Roger. And I don`t want his gift. Not if I have to assume that he gave it to me to get off on it. When and how I show you off at Chains is not up to him. You are mine. How about we go up to our place and talk to Ron and Charlie? I think that would be good for all of us. Plus, Gela would most likely bite my head off if we don`t . I can only repeat myself, I`m sorry.”  
“I'm sorry, too. I still run away when it gets too much for me.”  
“Was easier with you being collared and leashed.” I wink, pulling him close.  
Oh, I so love the way he melts into my touch.  
“I can't accept your gift, Ron.” I say as we sit in our living room.  
“Easy, man. It was just a stupid joke, okay? Apparently, I hit a nerve. Honestly, I can't figure you guys out. You've been keeping to yourselves, which I can understand. Still, I don't know if you're aware, Rog, we last saw each other that weekend with the kids in Gloucestershire and then for Nick's birthday. You were suddenly gone for a week and I had no idea where you were. We haven't been running together for weeks, you two don't come to Chains... I miss my best friend a little bit, you know? I know you guys have been busy with the house and you're new in love and everything, but there are phones, right? I brought Charlie because I thought you'd be happy for me, Roger. You know how much I've suffered over my breakup with Tim. Instead, you're back in fight mode, bitching about everything.”  
“I wasn`t bitching, Ron. I felt uncomfortable. I…I know you don't mean any harm, but I'm feeling kind of humiliated by you.”  
“Humiliated? Come on! When did I humiliate you?”  
“You talk all the time about obedience and submissiveness and proclaim that this is not my thing, that stubborn Roger is …I don`t know…the worst sub ever or something. And you do it in front of Nick. Just because it didn't work out between us doesn't mean I'm completely incapable!”  
“Fuck, Roger! Seriously? You think I'm jealous? Let me tell you something, you are by far the most exhausting person I know, really! From the moment we first met, you sent confusing signals. You were a married straight guy. You seemed like a nice person, and then I thought you were a homophobic asshole for repeatedly cancelling dinner invitations. And then at some point you stand crying at my door and ask me all serious to whip you, tell me this crazy story about this one night in Philadelphia. The man who fortunately did not turn out to be homophobic, the married man with two children lies on my couch crying at three in the morning and tells me about handcuffs, belts and about getting spanked and fucked. Shit, man, you know how much effort it took me that night not to break my principles? Tim and I, we were both a little bit in love with you. That little crush that we gays sometimes develop on heterosexual friends Which, of course, you'd never show them, but sometimes you fantasize about it in bed at night. That was you, Roger. You were Tim and my dirty little what-if fantasy. And then you tell me something that's damned close to this fantasy, even ask me to live them out. You divorce Gio, ask me to be your son's godfather. You're getting into a threesome with us. You are there for me every day when Tim and I split up and shit, yes, I enjoyed spanking you to no end. I wanted, you, yes, damn it! Because even though you told me we were just friends, you kept coming back to get spanked. For almost three years, Roger, for three fucking long years! And the whole time you're telling me how stupid this whole D/s thing is. Collars are stupid, leashes are for dogs, you would never do this and definitely not that. In fact, it was YOU who humiliated ME. Things that are very important to me were silly shit to you. Nevertheless I liked you, and I was glad to be your friend. Even though I hoped until the end that I could show you sometime how fulfilling all that you found so stupid can be. As long as you kept coming back to let me spank you. I thought you just needed time, and I'm patient. The evening John and Nick showed up at Chains, I knew it would never happen. I wanted to hate Nick, and I told him so. But I like Nick, and I like you, and I could finally stop waiting for you. I could finally be open to something new, and I'm grateful for that. I ran into Charlie and was gonna tell you about it, but you weren't there. I didn't know where you were. I was trying to be jealous, but I know love when I see it. Again, I like you both, I'm glad to be your friend. I'm happy for you. I've fallen in love and I wish my stubborn best friend would be happy for me too.”  
“See, you are doing it again! Stubborn Roger. You are always calling me that.”  
“Because you are, fuck! You know, I could have helped you. And I don't mean that I wanted to be your Dom to show you the beautiful, colourful world of SM. I could have helped you with your confusion if you would have been honest about all these things instead of telling me all the time how stupid you think it is. As an experienced friend. But nooo, you preferred the fight mode. Are we even friends, Roger? Do I know anything deeper about you? Have you actually ever been honest to me?”  
Heavens. A whole lot of misunderstandings here.  
“Charlie,” I say. “Do you play an instrument?”  
All three men look at me as if they completely forgot about my presence.   
“Huh? Er…I play some guitar.”  
“Fab! Fancy to hit our studio and jam a bit? Johnny would surely be in and I think those two need some privacy. What do you say?”  
“To play some music with professionals? Of course I`m in, man! How cool is that!”  
“That was good.” Charlie winks at me as we walk down the stairs together. “Especially considering you're pretty jealous.”  
“So, am I? Maybe. A little. And you?”

“Jealous of Roger? No. More jealous of Ominous Tim. Tim the super slave, Tim the perfection. Ronnie's trying really hard not to let me feel this, but I can tell. I notice these little moments where he thinks that Tim would have done this and that and Tim wouldn't have reacted one way or another. He's not saying it, but I feel it, you know? It's not a nice feeling to have to compete with your predecessor. “  
“I think Roger is also kind of competing with Tim. And because he can't admit that to Ron, they keep talking at cross purposes. By the way, there is no reason to be jealous of Tim. He's married to a woman now. Happily, as far as I can tell. I think when you've been with someone for a long time, you automatically compare some things. There's nothing evil about that, Charlie. You have to find your own way with each other. Tell me, how did you two actually meet?”  
We don`t go to the studio. We sit in the main kitchen with John and Gela, talking.  
Charlie tells us how he met Ron while he was shopping. 

“How did you know you were right for each other? I mean, orientation and preference-wise.” Gela wonders.

“Gay-radar and distinct sensor for natural dominance. I knew the moment we shook hands.” He grins.   
“That's what Roger said. He knew Ron was gay, but the realization that he had a Dom in front of him scared him to death. That's why he's been cancelling invitations for so long.” I explain.  
“Oh dear! And Ronnie thought he`s a homophobic asshole! I get it. And when he finally came over, there was Tim, the super slave. Goodness, poor Roger. And speaking of Roger, I'll let you in on a secret or two. My sister was and still is a Duran fan. She took me to a concert when I was 16. At that time I not only just realized that I was gay, but I also had really weird fantasies. Afterwards I imagined for weeks that Roger Taylor would beat me up with drumsticks. Yeah, laugh it up. It's okay. When Ron told me he knew you guys, I didn't believe him and told him about it. He was choked with laughter.  
By the way, we invented that speech ban. I was afraid to say anything stupid, and Ron wanted to help me. Well, there you go.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to take another big step

It`s three days later.  
Tatjana chuckles quietly. She`s sitting opposite me at the table and we have breakfast with John, Gela and Atlanta.  
“You know, dad, if Roger and Ron were a couple, they would be RoRo.”  
“Funny, har har.”   
“Hey. Just kidding, huh? I think it`s funny, yes.”  
“Stop it, Tatji. Your dad is having a hard time, can`t you see?” Gela says with a grin.  
Roger and Ron went to Gloucestershire together over the weekend to work on their friendship and that bothers me more than I care to admit.  
I should have forbidden it. I should have played the big bad Dom, telling his sub not to spend weekends with other Doms.  
But it`s Ron. It`s his friend, and they need to sort things out.  
But hell, I miss him to no end.   
Not that I think they`d do anything more than talking. I trust Ron and I trust Roger even more.   
Still.   
Sometimes I really wish I could tie him to the bed or lock him in the attic and keep him all for myself.  
And yes, I know this is completely stupid.   
Still…  
Ack.  
Talking of the attic, it’s not yet inaugurated.  
Why is it that we can`t find time to deepen this part of our relationship? It sucks, really.   
We didn`t even have a chance to fuck bareback, because we talked all night long before Ron and Charlie left, and the very next day Tatjana came over.  
I admit, I'm relieved when Gela takes a walk with the girls after breakfast.  
“Are you jealous?” John asks, leaning back in his chair.  
“No. Well…I miss him. I`m…frustrated.”  
“Why the hell would you be frustrated? You have everything you ever wanted.”  
“We never have time for each other.”  
“Listen to yourself! I think you've lost your grip on reality a bit, Nicholas. You've been inseparable since you saw each other again. And that was, I would like to remind you, not even two months ago. Now you live together, have a fun playroom, spent a week with the two lesbians. You two are a fucking force of nature. You're a fucking hurricane or something. You took a running jump into this relationship and now you cry because Roger has to sort something out with his best friend. I can remember someone who didn't talk to his best friend for years just because his ego was bruised. Thank God Roger's not half as stubborn as you are. You're crazy, honestly! I seriously wonder how you survived without me.”  
“We`ve never been in this funny playroom” I mutter, well aware that John is ever so right.  
“You have! With Gela and me, and it was great and I thank you for your trust. If only you could trust Roger just as much!”  
“You think I don't trust him? That's not it, John! I want... how can I explain this to you? I want him. I always want him. All the time. Constantly. I wish I could keep him on a leash like I did when I was with Claudia and Lauren.”  
“You kept him on a leash? Like a dog? Goodness.”  
“We told you when we were at the attic, didn`t we?”  
“Nope. So you do…what`s it called, pet play?”  
“It`s not about pet play , John. It`s more a symbolic thing. It's a sign of our bond. We belong together and I have the command, the lead. Plus, it gives Roger a hold. He needs this to let go. Collar, leash, shackles. It keeps him safe.”  
“So, no plugs with dog tails attached?”  
“Plugs, yes, dog tails, no. Thank you, Nigel.”  
“What for?”  
“For reminding me of what a lucky man I am. You know, I want to do so many things with him. There's so much in my head and I want it all out. Preferably the day before yesterday. It's... fuck, John, I know you can't own a human being, but I want to own him. That sounds kind of psychopathic, doesn't it?”  
“Maybe it would if I didn't know you. If I didn't know how much you loved each other. I think he wants to be yours as much as you want to own him. It's kind of romantic in a weird way. Man, the way he knelt down in front of you, that was... Gela says it was cute, but that's not the right word. Anyway, it was touching.”  
“It makes my heart melt every time he does it.”  
“You're terribly in love. You may live it differently than other people, but the feeling is the same.”  
“ I love you, John. “  
“I love you, too, Nicholas. I still don't want you to spank me.” he grins, wiggling his brows.  
“Who would like to spank your bony ass, Nigel?”  
“I beg your pardon? You don't like my ass? Honestly, I'm deeply offended.”  
I love this man. I really do.   
John is taking Atlanta to her grandmother and Tatjana back to Julie as Roger and Ron park in front of the house.  
We greet each other as if we hadn't seen each other for years and only part when the laughter of Gela and Ron becomes annoying.  
I confess, I'd like to get rid of Ron immediately and disappear into the bedroom with Roger. Or better yet, in the attic.   
But of course I'll only invite him in out of politeness.  
"That's all right, I have to get home, Samuel is waiting for me and I really hope Charlie will come over tonight. Can we talk for a minute, though, out here?”   
“Sure.”  
We wait until Roger and Gela go in the house.  
"I am impressed, Nick Rhodes. Very impressed. Just what he told me about the week in that house, wow! I also want to thank you. Some Dom wouldn't let him go. Not with another Dom. I want to be allowed to stay his friend, is that okay?

“If it wasn't okay, you wouldn't have spent this weekend together, Ron. I'll admit it was hard for me. But John's been giving me a pretty hard time. You may not have known each other as long as John and I have, but I think you're Roger`s John. And if it weren't for you, who knows, maybe Roger would still be married to Giovanna. “

“Yeah, probably. This man loves you, Nick Rhodes.”  
“And I love him.”  
“Take good care of him.”  
“I will.”  
We hug briefly before Ron gets in his car.  
Much to my surprise I find Gela alone in the main kitchen. She leans at the counter, grinning like a Cheshire cat.   
“Where did that charming young man with the cute butt go?” I grin back.  
“Oh. Up to the attic, I`d say.”  
“Did he say that?” Goodness, my heart rate speeds up in a way that makes me all dizzy.  
“Not exactly. But I guess that`s what he meant when he said he should go where he belongs.”  
Where he belongs. Oh dear. Yes.  
“Good night, Gela” I shout over my shoulder while rushing out. I hear her laugh all the way up the stairs.   
The door to the attic is open and I stay in the door frame to enjoy the view I get.   
Roger kneels in the middle of the room with his back to me, upright and perfectly still.  
“Someone is begging for attention, I put it.” I say, well aware that he would hear the smile in my voice.   
“ I need to be grounded, Sir. Talking to Ron got a lot going on with me. I want..I need…” his voice trails off and I see a shudder going through his body.  
I have the unmistakable feeling that we are about to take a big step forward in our relationship.  
Actually, I would like to give Roger a hug, but he seems to need the power gap now. So I stay where I am. It`s pretty much the same situation as when we first spent the night together, and that seems to be what he's up to. To make it feel like that.   
“What do you need, Roger?”  
“I ..can we…I want it to be more like in Winfield House. Do you think we could find a way to integrate it more into our everyday lives? I miss this feeling, Nick. A lot. I realize we can't live it 24/7, not just because of the kids, but...”  
It would be easy for me to take advantage of the situation, I know that. I could just lay down some rules and rituals.  
But that's not how it works, not for me. We have to talk about this on an equal footing.  
“Roger, I will go in our living room and open a bottle of wine. Get dressed and follow me, ok? We should talk, and not here and not like this. We must decide together how we want to organise our everyday lives, how much power imbalance we want and can live. Please do not take this as a rejection. There are some things I can't just order, Roger. I miss the feeling as much as you do, and we'll sit down and decide what to do about that. We'll both be completely honest, okay? You want to please me too much when you're in sub mode, and you might agree to things that would overwhelm you. And I'm too possessive when you're kneeling naked in front of me. I'm actually a selfish, narcissistic asshole, you know?”  
Roger's soft laugh warms my heart, and when he looks over his shoulder at me, with those beautiful brown eyes and that sweet smile, I could die of love.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to have a proper breakfast with friends

I have already poured wine and lit candles when Roger enters the living room.  
“Do you want something to eat? Gela has made a vegetable casserole. I took some upstairs.”  
“No, thank you, we had something on the way. Unhealthy fish and chips-stuff. Living with vegetarians increases the desire for such things enormously.” He plops on the couch beside me and I snuggle into his arm.  
“Hmmm! You smell delicious. I`m probably quite an idiot not to take opportunity of you kneeling naked in the playroom.”  
“Hm-huh. Took me a while to get out of subspace, but I guess you`re right. We have to talk about that on eye-level. I told Ron that we met Tim, and he revealed some things about their relationship that rotate in my mind ever since. Their situation was very similar to ours, after all Ron also has a son and he certainly doesn't want him to know any details about his lifestyle. Still, Ron says what they had was 24/7. That's not something I really want, Nick. Still, maybe there's such a thing as 24/4 or 24/5 or something. I just want it to be more present than it is now, but I don't know how to make it work. Especially not because John and Gela live here and I ... I just don't know if I want them to know everything.”  
“I`m afraid they do. I talk to Nigel about everything, Roger. And I'm assuming he tells Gela.”  
“Oh. Well, I should have known, right? I`m a bit embarrassed, though.” His breath tickles over the skin of my neck as he buries his nose there, and I bet his cheeks are pinkish right now. I kiss the top of his head and as usual my fingers dig into his hair.  
“Remember? On our first night together, I said we'd make some rules. Things that were right for both of us. That's what we should do now, right?”  
“It feels like ages ago, and it`s not even three months. Unbelievable, huh?”   
“Indeed. You know, Johnny grounded me a bit about that. I was complaining that we never have time to deepen the D/s-part, that we never have time alone. I freely admit I was kind of jealous that you spent the weekend with Ron. I'd like to chain you to the bed, actually. I know there's nothing going on between you two, but... I'd like to have you just for myself. I'm a very jealous, possessive person, and I own you. I want you to be mine.”  
“There's no need to be jealous, Nick, I'm yours. All yours. I want us to find ways to make this clear in everyday life. But I don't want us to have to hide in here. Maybe we could talk to John and Gela, maybe they'd be cool with me kneeling next to you at dinner and stuff…it doesn't have to be naked.”  
“Yes! Naked, with a collar and a leash. I don't think John would care, but Gela would love it. I think she's got the hots for you.”  
“Uh….I don`t know…”  
“Well, I do. So, from now on you will be naked, collared and leashed when we are alone here, when we are with Gela and John only. I'll talk to them, but I don't think they'll mind. On the contrary. For a vanilla straight guy, John is quite curious and open minded about all this.”  
“Figured that when he was at Chains with you. Still, I don`t know if I want this, Nick, they may be open minded, but...”  
“I said I will talk to them, Roger, ok?”  
“WE talk to them, that is.”  
“I should have left you naked on your knees, with a gag!” I roll my eyes.   
Roger snorts, then pulls me close and we kiss long and hard.  
We talk for more than two hours, and some of what Roger tells me, what he wants and what goes on in his head, surprises me deeply. In a good way. In a VERY good way.  
If a weekend with Ron has such effects he really should do that more often.

We write down a few things that are important to both of us and we'll both sign it. Whenever necessary, we will sit down together and make changes. Of course we both know that this document has no legal relevance, but still it feels like we have made something official. Almost like getting married. Roger is now officially my sub, which makes me his Dom. Or Master. Sure, we were Dom and sub before, but with everything written down and signed, he and I have made a formal commitment.  
Because we talked so much and because being honest is really exhausting, the playroom is still not inaugurated. Instead, we go to bed early and cuddle .  
That' s kind of funny. Now that we have decided to deepen our roles, we behave like teenagers in love. I don't think we've ever been more vanilla in bed, despite the chain.

The next morning, however, I make the first use of the power guaranteed to me in writing, which Roger does not like at all.  
“We said we both would talk to them!” he growls.  
“No, you said that. But since you are naked and collared, I think I should just give them a warning, huh? I want you to kneel naked next to me, so I'm going to go down and ask my best friend and his wife if that's okay with them. If not, we'll both have breakfast up here. You're gonna stay exactly the same until I get back, understand?” A soft grumble, then silence,  
I enjoy this wonderful view for a few more minutes,  
My pretty, strong sub naked and kneeling, thighs spread, eyes lowered. I tied his wrists behind him with a piece of rope, hands resting on the small of his back.  
“You are beautiful when you obey, you know? I'm sure the two of them will agree.”  
I have no doubt that John and Gela will participate almost enthusiastically. Gela has a thing for Roger, I'm sure she likes to see him naked. And John…well, John`s second name is curiosity, huh? He`s Nigel Curiosity John Taylor.   
“Be a good boy.” I grin, patting his head. Another grumble, but the proudly standing cock betrays him.  
I must laugh at myself as I hop down the stairs. Seriously, I bounce!  
“Good morning, my pretty pretties!” I beam when I enter the kitchen. The table is already set, it smells deliciously of coffee and John is standing at the stove making scrambled eggs.  
Gela gives me a deadly look. “Don't tell me you've turned into a horrible morning person!”  
“But no, Nash! I just had a wonderful night and I have wonderful plans for the day. I need your help with them, though.”  
About ten minutes later, when I gave a short explanation about last nights commitments , I have two Taylors staring at me open-mouthed.  
“Bates! You didn't seriously just ask if I would mind if this hot little drummer would kneel naked in the kitchen, did you?”  
“That's what I just did, Gela. I can understand if this is too intimate for you guys, but like I said, Roger and I would like to get a little more action. And we live together with you, so we have to limit our activities either to our apartment or you play a little bit along.”  
“Are you kidding me? Of course we`ll play along! Right, Johnny?”  
“Is it me or is my wife literally drooling?” John chuckles.” Well, what do we have to do?”  
“You don't have to do anything. We have breakfast. Like always. Except Roger's going to kneel by my chair and I`ll feed him, since his hands are tied behind his back.”  
“And Roger's okay with that?” he asks,  
“It was actually his idea. Well, the kneeling was. That he is naked and tied up is an expression of my dominant malice. But hopefully you know enough about the whole thing by now to realise that Roger wouldn't do anything that he really doesn't want to. He will be a little embarrassed and probably not talk very much, but if it really gets too uncomfortable, he has a safe word. Which is Duran, by the way. We do not want to impose ourselves and if this is too much for you, please say it honestly.”

“Again, Bates, are you kidding? Bring him down, man!”  
“You heard. My wife has spoken!” John grins.

There. I`m bouncing yet again when I climb up the stairs. I grin so broadly that I have to stop briefly in front of our apartment door. I should exude a little more dominance, right?  
From the look on Roger's face, he was probably hoping that the Taylors didn't want to be part of our game.  
It's one thing to live this among like-minded people like at Winfield House, but it's quite another with our dear vanilla friends. Now we will see how open they really are.   
I admit, I`m a wee bit nervous as I lead Roger down the stairs, what is totally stupid, because I'm not the one who's naked.  
My sub is actually extremely silent and before the kitchen door he suddenly stops, so that I almost strangle him with the leash. Is he backing out?  
“Are you sure these two are okay with this?” he asks quietly.  
“John would tell me if it wasn't. And Gela is probably drooling all over the tabletop by now. We don't have to do this, Roger, you know that, right?”  
“I want that, Nick. I don't want to have to hide out in our home. I'm just afraid they' re gonna find it, I don't know, disgusting.”  
“If they did, John would hardly be my best friend. He wouldn't have come to Chains, he wouldn't have asked so many questions, shown so much honest interest. You want to show yourself; they want to see you. Win-win-situation, if you ask me.”  
“YOU want to show me off, Nick.” There's a little defiance in his voice again.  
“Exactly! And you know why? Because I know you like it. You like to show yourself. It turns you on as much as it turns me on.” He does not answer, but both his face colour and his twitching cock say more than a thousand words.  
I almost laugh as we enter the kitchen. Someone cleared away the fourth plate and put a pillow by my chair.  
John pretends to read the newspaper. Maybe I should point out to him that he's holding it upside down. Gela, however, does not even try to hide her curiosity. She watches attentively as Roger kneels down with an amazing elegance.  
”Good morning, Roger.” John says casually over the edge of his newspaper.  
“Morning, you two.” Roger leans his head against my leg, a sign that he needs help. Hold.   
I pet him soothingly. Gela still stares.  
The first few minutes feel strange. Like we're putting on a show here.  
Then I feel Roger drifting away. His eyes are closed, lips slightly parted. His breath goes deep and calm and he is now kneeling upright. Once again I find it fascinating and beautiful how strong and proud he looks, naked and on his knees. He feels comfortable where he is. Comfortable with what he is. I don't know why this realization suddenly strikes me like a sledgehammer.  
“You're beautiful, my love.” I bend down to kiss him, and those little, delicate noises he makes as my tongue invades his mouth make me hard. I could kiss him forever and fuck, do I wish we would have stayed in our apartment. Breakfast, we wanted breakfast. Only hesitantly I release myself from this sweet mouth and my lover makes a ravishing sound of regret.  
Gela keeps staring. John has abandoned his newspaper cover and is now also watching with interest.  
“Your scrambled eggs are getting cold, Nash.” I chuckle.  
“I beg to differ. It's pretty hot in here. Holy cow. Seriously, Nicholas. Thanks for letting us see that.”  
“Thank you, Gela. Thanks for not having to hide. Would you be so kind as to pass the toast?”  
The breakfast proceeds extremely harmoniously.  
Gela and I get a heavy laugh when John and Roger start talking shop about some new band and Roger loses his balance because he wants to show John a certain drum sequence and has forgotten that his hands are tied.  
Just like that it is normal and accepted that he kneels here beside me.  
Can one have better, more understanding friends? I seriously doubt it.   
But as amazing as it is, there`s still an unused room under the roof, and it`s about time to take opportunity of those facilities. I love to catch him on the hop, because even though he is naked and tied up, the mood is very relaxed and he is very far away from subspace again.  
When I release the leash from his collar, he thinks that I would now also free his hands and turns his back to me.  
“Go on up, Roger. All the way up. Wait for me there like you did last night.”  
“I…oh…Yes. Okay. I…uhm…yes, Sir.”  
It' s hard for me to refrain from laughing. His struggling for obedience is fantastic.  
Gela stares again as he leaves the room.  
“Are you checking out my boy's ass, Nash?”  
“Of course I do…Sir. Seriously? He calls you Sir? That's a bit of a cliché, isn't it?”  
“Yeah, just like leashes and collars, right?” I shrug and John chuckles at that.   
“There must be a reason this is so popular in your scene, but you know what? I think it fits. I never really got that, but now... this is totally fascinating. Don't you want to go upstairs?”  
“Not yet. They say waiting makes you want to do things, right?”  
“And what kind of things will you do? I'm asking for a friend.” Gela smirks.  
“Sorry, Nash, no details will be given.”  
“Spoilsport, you!”  
“I`m a sadist, huh?”  
“Yeah, man, you are! No shit.” She snorts.  
Their laughter follows me when I slowly , very slowly , start to climb up the stairs.

Again, the attic door is left ajar. I silently count from twenty backwards before I push it fully open.


	31. How Roger`s brain works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a small bit to let you know I`m still working on this one, besides the half a million other Things in my messed up mind.

Again, the attic door is left ajar. I silently count from twenty backwards before I push it fully open.  
He`s kneeling with his back to the door, breathing heavily. I can tell by the frantic moves of his broad shoulders. Something`s not right.  
“Turn! Face me and let me know what`s wrong!”  
He won't obey me. Now I hear it. It's not just heavy breathing, it's crying.  
I`m with him in a split second, sitting on the floor in front of him, holding him close.  
“I can`t. I just can`t.” he sobs. “They'll never take me seriously again.”  
I understand. Worlds collided here. John and Gela were friends, family even, also the bridge between family and the band, so to speak.  
I would like to contradict him, tell him that the two would certainly never laugh at him or consider him weak, but first I let him cry, just hold him.  
“I`m sorry,” he whispers after what seemed to be more than 20 minutes. His words are barely to hear, but at least the sobbing has come to an end.  
“You don`t have to be, love. Now listen to me. John and Gela love you. They find what we do fascinating, not ridiculous. And they know that you're a proud, strong man. Because you are, Roger. You're the proudest, strongest, most wonderful man I've ever known.”  
“Get them.”  
“I beg your pardon?”  
“Let them watch. And then I want them to tell me to my face that they're not disgusted with me. I need to know, Nick. Otherwise, I can't live with them. Even more, I can't play with John anymore, if we really want to do this reunion. We can't be a team anymore if I don't feel like he's taking me seriously.”  
“I assure you that John sees you no differently than he did then.” Frankly, I don't really understand Roger's thinking. How does he get from *they will never take me seriously* to *I want them to watch*? And I may not be able to keep secrets from John and talk to him about anything, but that doesn't mean I want him watching us. And then there's Gela, too.  
“But I fucking AM different than back then, Nick! I need to know that neither John nor Gela have a problem with that. Otherwise we can't live together and I can't make the connection with John that we always had when we made music together.”  
“Roger..I…John is my best friend, almost a brother. Would you let Steve watching us?”  
“What a stupid comparison. No, I wouldn't. But I wouldn't kneel naked on the floor in Steve's kitchen, either. So it`s ok for you to show me off, letting him see what I am, but you don`t want him to see what you are? That`s downright hypocrite, Nick.”  
Oh well. That`s a point. I still don`t understand why it is so important to him, but he is definitely right. The comparison is really stupid.  
I was in an S&M club with John. I talk to John about everything, about literally everything, and he's curious and open-minded.  
“I just want him to understand, Nick. Gela already gets it. She saw it in the picture. We can't live D/s here if I don't feel good about it. I'm sorry that I only said this after we made our list, but I couldn't know how it felt before this morning, and I'm afraid that it might break something between John and me. Does it make sense to you?” 

“I'm trying to understand, okay? But the truth is, Roger, it doesn't really matter whether I understand it or not. If that's the way you feel, then that's the way it is. I want to live that with you, here. And I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel good about it.”  
That's my job, isn't it? To make sure Roger's okay.

Gela and John are pretty surprised to see me back in the kitchen so soon.  
“Roger wants you to watch.” I simply say. “I can't explain why. That's what he will do, afterwards. I want to point out that this was not my idea, that I didn`t push him into it, and that it is very important to Roger.”  
John pushes his glasses back in place with a slender finger, blinking. His confusion can be seen in him, while Gela looks more like she has to suppress a joyful whoop with all her might.  
“What exactly are we supposed to be looking at?” My best friend arched his brows.  
“A flag session in bondage.”  
“Why, Nicholas?”  
“I told you I can`t explain, Nigel.”  
“And that's okay with you?”  
Oh, my Johnny! He knows me too well.  
I don't blame Roger for not considering that maybe I'm scared too. Afraid that John might find what he sees repulsive. Not Roger, me. What I do. It's one thing to talk about it, or to see other people do it. But what does it to John if he sees me doing it?   
“It would mean so much to Roger” I say elusively.  
“That wasn`t my question, Nick. You know Gela and I are curious, but I'm not gonna do anything you don't agree with.”  
I feel torn between the promise I made to my man and the need to explain to my best friend what this is all about. Roger thinks that if I explain it to them first, they might hide their true feelings.  
“I honestly don't feel very good about it. John. But Roger just had a little... how shall I put it... breakdown. And seeing that you guys don't have a problem with the nature of our relationship would help him. I don't know why he can't just talk to you about it. That's all I can and will say.”  
“And kneeling at your feet during breakfast was not enough to make clear that we`re fine with it?” JT wonders.  
“Made it worse, for some reason.” I shrug. “Sometimes those things happen during a scene, and it`s hard to tell why it happens. It is neither predictable nor somehow related to the intensity of the play. But it is my fucking duty as the dominant part to make sure that the man who gives himself to me is comfortable with what he does.”  
Gela chuckles quietly. “You know what? I just figured that you may be the so called Sir, but still Roger holds all the power. Right?”  
“Yes.” I sigh. “The power. My heart. Everything.”  
“Actually, this is what fascinates me the most.” John grins. “All this …uh…power exchange and pain play and whatever, but still you two are just…I dunno. Too cute.” Johnny smiles.  
“Cute!” I snort.  
“Yes, Bates, exactly that, you can play the evil Dom as much as you want, but there are sugar coated little hearts in your eyes whenever you look at him, fuck, whenever you just mention his name. So, bondage and spanking, huh? Ok.”  
“Flag, Nigel. Flagellation. Not spanking.”  
“Smart ass.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to switch to Family mode

“So, you`re in or what?”   
“Man, Bates! Of course we are!” Gela blurts, making me laugh.  
“Nigel?” I meet my best friend`s gaze.  
“Doing it for my musical other half.” John sighs.  
I can tell he`s not too comfortable with it.  
“Give me half an hour, then join us at the attic.”

If we have an audience, then surely they should have something special to see.  
I think it’s the right time for some proper, aesthetic Shibari.  
I`ll help Roger flying. Literally.

Maybe it's not very smart to do something completely new, especially in this situation, but I'm pretty sure that Roger enjoys the hold of the ropes and the feeling of floating.  
Luckily, I was right, as by the time the couple enters the room, I have Roger up in the air in an artful suspension bondage and he`s already half gone into subspace, dreamy and heavy-lidded. 

John and Gela sit on the floor, facing my tied-up man.  
I don't have to tell them to be quiet, they'll figure it out for themselves. Even if this is not going to be sexual, not in the sense that I will fuck him or even jerk him off, I know that it will still be very intimate.  
Maybe even more intimate as if I would actually do that, because Roger turns pain into pleasure, and if I do my part right, he'll come.  
Somehow I think that's exactly what he wants to show them. He wants to show them how he works, how he feels.  
I'm beginning to understand why this is so important to him.   
That's me, that's how I feel. Please don't think of me as someone less valuable.  
I'll start with a little spanking.  
Not because Roger needs it, but for John and Gela.  
Start slowly, don't scare them off with any violent devices, such as the cane.  
John has seen me beat up sofa cushions with it, but he has never seen what kind of streaks it makes on human skin. Weals that sometimes split open and bleed.  
No, first they should see that Roger enjoys it, that he loves pain. Let them hear him ask for more, let them know that it's his desire.  
But I don't hold back either, I hit pretty hard from the start.  
Gela obviously flinches with every blow in the first few minutes.

When she finally starts to smile, I know she can see it. She can see what it does to Roger and that what it does to him is something good.  
That`s when I switch to a leather-covered paddle.

My lover begins to moan softly, so clearly full of relish that I no longer pay attention to the two of them.

It's not about them, it's about the man I love.  
He' s doing exactly what I hoped, he's asking for more, and I know it`s time for the cane.  
Since the scene at Winfield House, this is ours. I think you can see that, even if you have nothing to do with the subject. That it's something connecting, something loving in a strange way. That we both enjoy it endlessly.  
I let myself go just like Roger, give in to the feeling, that mighty rush of power.  
My darling is twitching and screaming and I know this sight, I know these sounds and I know that he is about to come.

One day later:  
“What the hell are they doing?” I wonder, watching Nigel and Roger doing some strange workout in the backyard.  
“It is called Thai-chi, Bates. It is used for physical exercise and mental focus. Also from Japan, like your funny Shihatchi.”  
“Shibari.”  
“Whatever. Anyway, it looks very pretty, really. Can you teach me?”  
“Who do you want to tie up, Gela? I don't think that's John's thing.”  
“Oh, I was hoping you'd let me practice on Roger. No, seriously, Nick, thanks. That was really impressive yesterday.”  
“Thank Roger, it wasn't my idea.”  
“Man, I can't believe he actually thought John disrespected him. John loves him.” Gela shakes her head. “Come on. Let's get dinner ready before the kids show up. Finally I get to meet Tatjana's mother.”  
To be honest, I'm not so enthusiastic about the fact that Jules will bring Tatjana personally this time.  
Anyway, the next two weeks make me a little nervous. The first time all the kids are gonna be here, and not just for a weekend.  
The first time all mothers bring their children here.  
“You getting along with Amanda?” I ask.  
“Well, we're certainly not gonna be best friends,” she shrugs. “ But it`s ok. How about Giovanna?”  
“I like her. A lot. We used to be friends back then. But I guess we'll never be this close again. I'm extremely uncomfortable with the idea of Jules eating with us. She's never forgiven me.”  
“Well, you left her when she was pregnant. I can understand that she's not exactly thrilled about it.”  
“That was over 13 years ago. And she still never misses an opportunity to tell me that I'm sick and twisted. I'm afraid one day she's going to tell our daughter.”

“You'll just have to be faster.” 

“Seriously, Gela? Should I show my 13-year-old daughter the attic or what?”

“Of course not, but you could approach the subject with caution.”  
“How the hell do you carefully broach a subject like that? You know, Tatjana, I like spanking Roger?   
And he also has a collar, and a leash, and I especially like it when he kneels naked in front of me? Oh, and maybe you'd like to tell your best friend James about it.”

“I'm afraid they'll find out eventually anyway. Maybe you should talk to Ron about it, after all his son is the same age as Tatji and James.”

Oh, isn`t it great? Now I`m not only worried about Julieanne, but also about the kids.  
“It's too soon, Gela. They' re too young to understand.”  
“I'm just saying. If you're afraid Jules is gonna tell Tatjana, then your daughter should hear it from you before her mother tells her.”  
“I should probably talk to Jules, right?”  
Gosh, I hope she doesn't say anything stupid again.  
Fortunately, my fears are proving to be unfounded.   
In fact, the dinner with everyone is surprisingly harmonious, which is largely due to the children.  
Surprisingly, Jules is very enthusiastic about Roger's kids.   
She also gets along perfectly with Gio.  
“By the way, I ran into Ron and his boyfriend in town the other day. Glad he's finally over Tim.” Giovanna says when the dessert is served.  
“I like Charlie a lot better than Tim. Tim was kind of weird.” James states.  
I almost forgot that James and Sam have been friends for years, that Roger`s eldest knows Tim.  
I wonder if he was aware of Ron and Tim's lifestyle. Maybe Sam found out and told James about it.  
Shit! Gela's right, I gotta talk to Ron.  
Roger is busy right now with Elliot sitting on his lap for lack of space.   
Our common room is too small for this many people.  
I'm glad he didn't catch James' remark.  
"Didn't Charlie want to play with us?"   
I don't know if John is doing it on purpose, but I appreciate the change of subject.  
“I promised to call him when Simon and Andy got here.” I nod.  
“So you really want to do this? Play together again? As a band?” Amanda asks.  
“Yeah. Now that we found our little Duracell bunny!” JT elbows Roger, grinning broadly.  
“Bunny, my ar…oops.”  
I love it. I love how John and Roger fool around.  
Even Jules is smiling.

Once again Roger and I are sharing a bed with Elliot and Mr. Frog.   
I can't sleep for a long time.  
Do we have to tell Tatji and James before they somehow notice, before someone else tells them?   
How much does Samuel know about his father and Tim and has he talked to James about it?  
I could also talk to Toby and Marianne about it. What do their daughters know?   
After all, Toby insists on naming their relationship 24/7. How do they do it, with teenagers in the house?  
My goodness, it's complicated.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to make love

I somehow manage it to push my worries aside.  
Not in a million years would I talk to Roger about all that.  
If the thought of John thinking less of him freaked him out so much, how could he bare if his own son would?  
While I sit with Elliot in my lap at the kitchen table, charming Ellea right beside us, as we have a water colours painting orgy here, I glance out of the window every once in a while to watch Nigel, Roger, James, Tatji and Atlanta playing football in the garden.  
“You know, I have a second name. Dante. Do you have a second name, too?” Elliot asks.  
“Yes. James.”  
“Funny, like my brother! And your dad has the same name like mine. I like your mum and dad A lot.”  
Goodness, this little man just warms my heart.

“My parents like you, too, Elliot. All of you. A lot. And so do I.”

Four tiny arms fling around me as Ellea and her little brother hug me.

Maybe sooner or later we'll have to explain it to the older ones, but these two here, they certainly mustn't know about it anytime soon.  
God, I love those kids.

We have lunch together when the phone rings, and I go to answer it.

“Here`s the residence of Taylor, Taylor and Rhodes, the downtrodden minority on the phone.”  
While everyone breaks out in laughter at that, there`s silence on the other end of the line.  
“Hello?”  
“Downrodden minority, huh? I somehow seriously doubt that, young Master!” a deep voice chuckles.  
“Art! A pleasure you`re calling.”  
“I figure your house is full. So you probably don`t want us to come over, do you? Nadine and I thought a lot of you lately, so we wondered if you`d be in for some visitors.”

“If you're not afraid of the wild bunch. We have all the kids around.”

“That`s even better, man! We miss our family, since kids and grandkids are on vacation. Definitely in for some youngsters.”

So it`s fixed. Nadine and Arthur will come by tomorrow and stay for a few days.

I read Elliot a bedtime story, a new book that Giovanna put in his bag, he tells me.

I have to grin all the time because it's so clear what it's about. Some fantasy animals that have either stripes or dots, and always find a striped and a dotted creature together, but then there is also a dotted creature that loves a dotted one and a striped one that loves a striped one.

I guess that's what you call pedagogically valuable.  
Anyway, the story is cute and the drawings are very nice.  
Elliot, that adorable little guy, also immediately understands the moral of the story.  
“I think the ones with dots are girls,” he says.  
“ Most likely” I nod.  
“Do you know a girl who is with a girl?”  
“Yeah, you know them too. Lauren and Claudia. They were at the housewarming, remember?”  
“Ooooh! Yes. Lauren had a pretty dress. She looked like a butterfly.”  
“I always call her little fairy. I think if fairies exist, they look like Lauren.”  
“And fairies have wings. Like butterflies. Like Tinkerbell. Do you know Tinkerbell?”  
“Of course. Peter Pan, huh?”  
“Huh-huh. Do you love John as much as Daddy?”  
“John is my best friend, and I love him very much. But I don't want to hug and kiss John all the time. I only want that with your daddy.”  
“Do you think daddy's beautiful?”  
“Oh yes, I think your daddy is the most beautiful man in the world.”  
“I think he finds you beautiful too.”  
“Oh, really? That`s great. Because I want him to be happy with me, you know? And I want you to be happy too. James, Ellea and you, Tatjana and Atlanta.”  
“I like it here, with all of you. Cuddling?”  
Man, these Taylors are killing me, honestly.  
Elliot Dante, barely four years old, cuddles up in my arms.

A little later I snuggle up in his father's arms.  
Even in the dim light of a single small bedside lamp, you can see the marks of the cane.  
Yeah, the boys are the ones with the stripes…  
A little reluctantly I wriggle out of his embrace.  
"Don't go away!" he mumbles sleepily.  
“I'll be right back, luv.”  
I'll get the ointment from the bathroom. It is supposed to get very warm in the next few days, so it is probably better for once if the marks disappear quickly. No one has to know my boy has stripes, and when it really gets that warm, he should be able to wear those wonderfully short, tight, cut-off jeans that I find so sexy.  
“Off with the blanket and on your stomach.”  
“Did I ever tell you I get a kick out of you being so commanding?” he chuckles.  
“I'd say that's a good thing. Because I like bossing you around.”  
“Really? I hadn't noticed. Hmmm. Oh, that`s nice!” Roger purrs when I start to rub the cream in the taut flesh of his striped ass.  
God. I can’t touch this man without wanting to get into him. My greasy fingers easily find the way to his luring hole and he spreads his legs invitingly, giving me room.  
Two fingers get in without any resistance, and the pretty ass pushes up to allow me in even deeper.  
“Good. So good” he moans.

I am about to ask him to get the condoms in the drawer when I remember that we don't need any.  
Just the mere thought of my seed shooting straight into his wonderful body almost makes me come.  
“Roger?”  
“Hmmm? Hmmmm, oooh!”  
“We don`t need protection.”  
“Oh. Right, we don`t.”  
Though he wants to hold me inside him, his inner walls tight around my fingers, I pull them out.  
“On your back. I want to see your pretty eyes when I fill you with my cum.”  
And how I fill him. Three times, although we're both pretty tired.  
Unbelievable what a difference it makes without latex.  
We're fascinated by it, can't get enough.  
And I wasn't lying, no. He is so beautiful, the most beautiful man in the world. My man.  
It probably sounds absolutely stupid, but I love the thought that there is something of me in him, that he will sleep with something of me in him.  
I'm still looking for words, words that sound a little less stupid, when he starts digging around in the drawer.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Looking for a plug. They're not all upstairs, are they? I want your semen to stay inside me .Uh-oh! Too late!” He chuckles quietly. “That tickles.”  
“Do you know how much I love you, Roger Andrew Taylor? Next time, we'll look for the plug first.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to have a talk with friends

The next day we are woken by loud giggles.  
Tatji and Ellea are standing beside the bed with a loaded tray and they're laughing so hard they can't stop.  
I am glad Roger is covered and laugh with them as his tousled head rises from the pillow and he blinks confusedly.  
“What's going on here?”  
“Breakfast. Well, more like lunch. It's almost one, Arthur and Nadine are sitting downstairs, and we thought you might like to get up sometime.” Tatji grins.  
Roger almost jumps out of bed. Luckily, almost.  
It seems to occur to him just in time that these nice stripes on his butt could well cause questions.  
“Oh fu…heck! They been waiting long? Tell them I'm sorry and we'll be right there.”  
“We're not. We'll have a leisurely breakfast, my beloved tousled friend. You're really cute. Did anyone ever tell you that?” I can't resist messing up his ravaged hair a little more.  
The girls giggle again and we both get a smacking kiss on the cheek. Two. Two kisses. One from Tatjana and one from Ellea before they leave the room with even more giggles.  
I have to kiss my man extensively first.  
“Is it really one already? Goodness, I feel like I haven't slept more than ten minutes,” he murmurs.  
“It was a long night.” I wink, pulling him close for yet another kiss.  
“It was a fantastic night.” I can feel him smiling against my neck and his hot tongue gives me a quick lick. “We should hurry. It's not nice to keep them waiting.”  
“I think they'll survive, after all, they have good company. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to make out with you for a little while.”  
“Nick Rhodes, it's perfectly rude to keep such dear guests waiting!”  
“I am allowed to do that. I'm the young master, I can do anything. For example I can also take a shower with you when we have finished eating and enjoy your divine tight ass again.”  
“Insatiable, arrogant guy with a God complex,” he pouts. But his throbbing hardness against my thigh tells me he`s very much in for that plan.

It`s a good hour later when we finally come down the stairs.  
Nadine has Elliot on her lap and sings with him.  
Very cute, the grandmother mode.

Art seems to be engrossed in a discussion with John, and Roger and I stand in the doorway for quite a while, grinning to ourselves before we are noticed.  
“Oh, look who graces us with their presence, Naddie!” Arthur grins when he stands to hug us.  
“His fault! He always takes so long in the bathroom.” I chuckle, taking the tall man in my arms.  
“He's lying!” Elliot notes. “He takes much longer because he always paints himself!”  
“See? I am clearly the downtrodden minority, I told you.”  
“You poor man! I'll feel sorry for you later. Come here, Rog, give me a hug! It's so good to see you.”  
“Likewise!”  
Elliot leaves his place on Nadine's lap only very unwillingly, but finally we can welcome her as well.

When we all sit at the table, Elliot on his very own seat again, Gela comes in.  
“You got a package, boys. From Lucas. Is this the incredibly handsome man who brazenly has an equally good-looking wife? The world is such an unjust place!”  
“Pardon me? May I friendly remind you that you`re married to a man who's been voted the sexiest man in the world three times in a row?” John says, pouting.  
“20 years ago. By a million thirteen-year-olds.” Gela snorts, handing me the quite large cardboard box.  
“Something tells me you wouldn't have much fun with Lucas, Gela-darling.” Nigel grins.  
That's probably true. And something tells me that I shouldn't open Lucas` package in the presence of a four-year-old, even though I'm dying of curiosity.  
I casually push the box with my foot under the table and meet Roger`s gaze. It's so nice he can still blush so wonderfully, and obviously he`s thinking the same here. That this mysterious box contains something very interesting.  
That also Art and Nadine grin at each other knowingly, nobody misses.  
Roger throws a quick glance at his youngest son.  
No, we can't ask them if they know what's in the package.  
“Er…” he starts, clearing his throat. “Where's the rest of the gang?”  
“Oh, they went over to the studio to jam a bit. Seriously, Rog, James is talented with the bass. Mind if I teach him?” John beams.  
“Cool! Who of them will play drums? Tatji?”   
“I thought of Atlanta. As we all know, Taylor/ Taylor makes an excellent rhythm section.”  
“I have never seen a real recording studio from the inside. May I have a look?” Arthur's eyes flash with interest.  
“Sure. Why don't you all go over there? I'm just gonna take Lucas' package upstairs.” I know Roger's looking at me as I go up the stairs. I can feel his stare like a physical touch.  
Of course I open the box immediately.   
What's inside isn't really surprising, but it makes my pulse race. I have about a million pictures in my mind. Very, very pretty pictures.  
Unfortunately, it'll have to wait until the children are gone.

Roger is actually sitting with Atlanta on his lap behind the drums when I enter the former stable.

Seeing Roger sitting there where he bloody well belongs will probably give me incredible joy for the rest of my days.  
Not replaceable. Never was, never will be.  
John seems to feel the same, as he flashes me one of his gorgeous smiles.  
“Our Roger is back!”  
“With a bang. Goodness, Nigel, I can`t wait to be on stage with you all again.”

“The stage is everywhere, Nicholas. And you even have an audience. Why not giving us a show? If this is possible without a singer and guitarist.” Nadine winks.  
“We can do that! Off, Beanie! Let our drummer do his job!” John takes his bass from James and we start right away with *hungry like the wolf*  
Holy cow, this is amazing! Even without Si and Ands.   
God, I`m so happy!   
Everything that was ever important to me in life, everything I ever wanted is here, in this little studio.  
The two men I love, each in a unique way. Our children. The wonderful Gela and two of the best friends I ever had. And the music. Our music.

Late at night, when all the children are in bed, we adults sit together in the kitchen.  
Once again it is Gela who first asks curious questions.  
“So, you met at this funny house, yeah?”  
“Funny isn`t exactly the word I would choose, young Lady.” Arthur chuckles. “Besides, I don't know how much you know, and since I don't reveal any dirty secrets…”  
“Don't be shy. I'm afraid they know almost everything,” Roger says with an eye-roll.” John is not shockable; he even talks to dogs in gay clubs.”  
“I would have done the same if you'd taken me with you! But no, I'm not allowed in. That's discrimination!” Gela pouts.  
“No, Nash, it's self-protection. Otherwise, all the gay clubs would be full of voyeuristic women.” I smirk. “Quit complaining, you got a private show after all.”  
“ For real? I am impressed. You really trust each other a lot, don't you?” Arthur looks a little disbelieving.  
“Roger didn't trust me. That's why we watched.” John explains.  
“No, John, that's not true. I was just afraid you wouldn't take me seriously anymore. Being around people who share the lifestyle is a whole different thing than being around you, here, I told you that.”  
“Excuse me, gentlemen, I don't quite follow. What's this all about?”  
I tell the somewhat confused Nadine that Roger and I have decided to live out our SM a little more in everyday life , that this requires the consent of Gela and John, who are involved in our lives, and describe how and why the scene in the playroom happened.  
“By the way, I like to repeat what I said to you up there, Rog. You may have been afraid I'd think you were a feeble-minded whiner, but the opposite is true.” Nigel pipes in.” You are one of the strongest people I have ever met, physically and mentally. I called you the ground that cannot be shaken back then, remember?”  
“I ran away back then, John.”  
“You were consistent and you wanted to do the right thing. And I think you did the only thing that was possible at the time. My goodness, you were 25 and newlywed.”   
“John is absolutely right. You two are lucky to have such friends. My best friend called me a sick pervert when I dared to tell him. And if I was gay, he probably would have shot me. I haven't talked to anyone outside of our scene about it since. Learned my lesson well, so to speak.” Art muses. “On the other hand I am of course very grateful that I was allowed to discover these things together with Nadine. Telling her about these weird fantasies in my head was probably the hardest thing I ever did.”   
He takes his wife`s hand to kiss her knuckles.  
“If you don`t mind me asking, how did you notice? Was there some kind of trigger?” Gela wants to know.  
“No, not really. It was more of a stealth thing, kind of. Fantasies, as I said. It was disturbing, and somehow it just kept growing. One day I found myself in the red light district. I was desperate and finally wanted to know what was up with these abstruse desires. I was already bare-assed over the bench when I realized, no, I don't want it like that, not with a total stranger I pay for it. I want this with my wife. So I went home and told her. And funny enough, she was so angry she put me over her knee and spanked me.”  
“Oh, yes, and then I spent three days in shame.” Nadine laughs. “Not because I did it, but because I did it in anger. Anger has no place there. We then searched together for books on the subject and relevant magazines. At that time the selection was not very large. In one of the magazines there was an advertisement about a group that met regularly. Not to play, but to talk. A kind of regulars' table, privately at someone's home. That was extremely helpful. We went there for months before we dared to try things out. One day someone brought hand-made whips and when I held one of these in my hand, I knew that it was mine. I met secretly with Joe, the man who made these whips, and he taught me a lot. And when I felt safe with using it, I surprised Art with this .It became ours, and other things quickly developed. The start of an exciting journey that began thirty years ago and continues to this day. It wasn`t always as easy as it sounds now, though. Takes time to find out about your likes and dislikes, to find a healthy balance. Living conditions change, needs change, all that. You asked about that funny house, Gela. Winfield House was lifechanging for us.”  
“I hear you!” Roger nods.  
“The first night you looked like you wanted to dig a hole and disappear.” Art chuckles. “I was worried for a moment.”  
“Not everyone finds the idea of being naked with strangers as exciting as you do, Arthur. I almost died the first time we went to a club, and I was dressed.”   
Nadine stated.  
“I mean, it was one thing to do it in your own four walls or to talk about it with like-minded people, but to do it in public, to let people watch…I was very uncomfortable with that at first. Besides, I always felt like I was in disguise at those clubs. These stupid dress codes. We started quite late with club visits and between all the young people I felt out of place. Meeting Claudia and Lauren at a party changed everything, and ever since we try to visit Winfield House as often as we can. We're both retired, so thankfully we have plenty of time. Speaking of which, what are the chances of meeting you two there again soon?”   
“I'm afraid we won't have much time for that in the near future, Nadine. With the reunion and all. If we keep it short, maybe over the weekend. But it might be difficult to get a free room at short notice.” I shrug.  
Arthur bends to pat my knee.  
“Ah, no worries, young Master, our sweet Lauren has a thing for you. She'll just throw someone off the waiting list. Especially since nobody can mow the lawn as good as you and me, right, kiddo?”  
It's pretty late when Roger and I crawl into bed. I cuddle up in the most beautiful arms on earth.  
"We have it pretty good, don't we?"   
"Uh-huh."  
"That was a great night.”  
"Hmm."  
"Roger, is something wrong? “  
"No. Everything's fine.”  
"You're so quiet.”  
"I... Nick?”  
"Yes, darling?"  
"What's in the package from Lucas?”  
“A surprise gift.” I chuckle. “Oh, that reminds me, I should call and thank him.”

“You're not gonna tell me, are you?”

"No. I'll show you. When the holidays are over and the kids are gone.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to play outside the playroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you see, this story is not completely forgotten :)

London, September 2000

The last few weeks were even more exhausting than I thought.

Roger and I haven't had much time together, Lucas` gift is still untouched.

I guess I've forgotten that with the release of Pop Trash in June, a lot of work has been put into Simon, me and the rest of the band.  
I was so fixated on the relationship with Roger and the reunion that I completely forgot the present Duran Duran.

Of course, we never made it to Winfield House.

I'm frustrated, and Simon, who offered me his guest room after a show in London, is taking the brunt of it.

“I don't understand your bad mood! Warren, Wes and Joe took the reunion plans very well and we can start now,” he says, pouring me yet another wine. “Roger and you should also announce soon that you are a couple, before some homophobic journalist writes something bad. It should be out in the open before the reunion is officially announced. You know our fans; they are digging for information and there are already rumours because Roger and John were seen at some of the last shows. I honestly wonder why no one's ever found out you're living together.”

This is indeed astonishing.  
Besides, what if someone finds out about Chains? Or even Winfield House?

“I'm worried, Simon. If we go public with our relationship, it might bring out the paparazzi. And they may find out about, shall we say, some very private things.”

Charlie smiles at me.  
“You mean your S&M stuff?”

“How the hell do you know about that?” I blurt, taken aback.

“How long have I known you, Nick Rhodes? You think I'm blind and deaf? We all know, my friend. From Yasmin to Wes. Even Andy knows, since you`ve been a little careless back in the 80s. Hotel walls are thin. It didn't come out then, it won't come out now if you pay a little attention. And if someone does find out... you're grown-ups and you're not doing anything illegal.”

Just like that, Simon John Charles Le Bon takes away most of my worries.  
And another thing comes clear to me at that very moment.  
“Simon, would you call a cab, please?”

There`s another show tomorrow, and I`d have to leave our house quite early, but I want Roger now. I fucking NEED him now.

It`s past two at night when I enter our bedroom.

Roger lies queer in bed, his blanket slipped down.  
He sleeps naked as usual.

I'm such an idiot.  
I have enough money to go home after every damn show, after every interview, though no driving license means I have to take a taxi every time. Who cares?

Roger could come with me, watching the shows, be by my side at interviews and such, as my partner, my boyfriend, the man I love.

Why didn't either of us think of that? We're adults. Everyone should see that we're together.

And it would give us time for what not everyone is allowed to see.

I stand in the door frame for a few minutes and look at him, wondering if I should just get undressed and cuddle next to him.  
I think I need more. I need what not everyone is allowed to know. The cuddling and smooching has not been neglected lately. Other things have been, and it`s time to change that.  
As I walk up the stairs to the attic, a plan emerges.

My heart beats faster and faster as I gather the necessities for this plan and by the time I`m back into the bedroom, my cock is painfully hard and throbbing against my zipper.  
As quietly as possible I lay the objects I brought with me on the bed, next to him. Smiling, I look at the broad shoulders, the gently curved spine, the little dimples above the perfect ass cheeks.  
Not touching him is harder than I thought.  
But tonight this strong, handsome man will once again be my obedient boy. And he will be tomorrow. All day long.

Today we will start something new, something that he probably won't like very much.  
And at the next gig, the last one with Warren, Joe and Wes, he will do something that will not be possible once we play with the old line-up again.

Grinning, I step back and clear my throat.  
Nothing happens, he sleeps like a baby.  
Again, louder this time.  
No reaction.  
“ROGER!” I bark.

“What?” startled he comes up. The horror disappears from his face within a split second, becoming an incredibly cute smile.

“Nick! Wow, you scared the shit out of me…oh. I…oh.”  
He saw what's all over the bed. 

I turned on one of the bedside lamps, and both these objects and his face are wonderfully lit.  
His facial expression changes from happy to insecure, his tongue nervously moves across his lips.  
“I wasn't expecting you back, Ni..Sir."

“Master it is for now. Did you miss your Master, boy?”

Roger blinks a few times, not yet in his role. He is visibly struggling against fatigue and insecurity.  
I like that. I like to take him by surprise, I like to see him so startled and insecure.

“I…yes,” he whispers, eyes flying back and forth between the things on the bed and me.

“I missed you too, my good boy. You're a good boy, aren't you?”

A silent nod, another flick of a nervous tongue over luscious, wet lips.

“Then you'll be happy to do what I tell you now, right?”

His Adam`s apple jumps as he swallows heavily, giving me another small nod.

“I want you to kneel on the bed with your back to me. Then you're gonna fuck yourself, first with your fingers and then with that nice big dildo lying there, shoulders on the mattress and ass up, so I can get a good look at it. You won't touch your dick and you won't come. You won't be looking over your shoulder either, understand?”

“Yes, Master.”

I watch as he moves into position and grabs the bottle of lube, slickening his fingers generously.  
The unlubed hand reaches behind to pull one muscled globe out of the way, to give his slick fingers more room. And to give me a better sight, I guess.  
And what a glorious sight it is, his sweet, puckered hole, already opening in anticipation for the intrusion to come.  
A fingertip gently circles around the entrance before the first finger goes deep.  
“Ah, God,” he moans.

God, indeed. 

“Don't be squeamish, I know how much you like it. Fuck you harder. I want to see at least three fingers inside you.”

I know he can hear in my voice how horny it makes me, how much it turns me on watching him. I want him to hear it. I also want him to hear me unzip my fly and start wanking.  
Roger greedily fucking himself is almost too much to bear, and it takes me a lot not to replace those fingers with my leaking cock.  
Three fingers, going in and out , in and out, each movement accompanied by a sweet, long moan, the glorious ass up in the air. A luring invitation to be spanked, to be fucked.  
Roger changes the angle, searching for his prostate, eager to rub it.

“That's nice, boy. Enough now, take the dildo. And don't you dare come, hear me?”

His desperate whimper has me close, and I squeeze my eyes shut, inhaling deep.  
Not yet! No, not yet.

Think of the plan, Nick Rhodes. It`s a brilliant plan, don`t mess it up.

It`s the largest dildo in our little collection and even with good preparation and lots of lubricant, Roger breaks out the sweat as he slowly pushes the massive toy into himself.

This sight is breath-taking. The stretched entrance, the glittering layer of sweat on his back, a picture of willing obedience.  
His moaning is now more due to effort than real pleasure, but that will soon change.  
For what I have in mind, it is imperative to have this large thing to open and stretch him wide.  
Besides, I freely admit that it turns me on terribly when he has to torture himself a little. I love the obscenity of this sight and the noises he makes, the stretched skin of his hole around the actually much too big intruder. The small beads of sweat that testify to his effort. But most of all I love this matter of course with which he does what I tell him. How he shows himself to me.

This feeling of power combined with boundless love is almost intoxicating. It is so much more than just lust, it`s even more than love.  
It's so damn intense, I almost come, but I have to hold back a little longer.

It should be close, if not even a bit over his limits for him, something new, something unknown, something that will prove whether he really can and wants to give me power outside of our own four walls or a playroom, as we have written on our list, but I underestimated the intensity of this scene, what this sight does to me, so at the moment it is probably harder for me than for him.

However, I will only have to hold back for a few more minutes. He, on the other hand, will probably curse me from the bottom of his heart in a few hours at the latest.

“That's it, it' s in deep enough, you greedy little bitch,” I snap at him and am very proud of myself that I sound cold and mean, although I almost die of lust.  
“Now fuck you with it, nice and slow.”

I can hear exactly when the tortured moaning turns into a lustful one, and only now will the real play begin.  
“Pull it out and pull your ass cheeks apart!”  
With a deep, contented sigh I shoot my load into the wide open hole and seal it with a plug. Although I have kept Ron's gift, the heavy metal penis cage, it is not suitable for my purposes, because it would be visible even if Roger wears trousers. So I got one made of silicone. I have to wait until his erection has at least subsided a little before I put it on. After that is done, I chain the very silent Roger to the bed. This is probably the moment when he fully understands that he will not come this night and I'm very proud of how calm he seems to take this. He doesn't know yet that this is just the beginning.

London, the following afternoon  
Wes, Warren and Joe seem genuinely happy when I show up with Roger and John for the soundcheck and Simon elbows me, grinning broadly as there are two bassists and two drummers discussing the set list in no time. 

“As much as I love Joe and Wes, I can`t wait to have the Taylors back, to be honest,” he winks.

I'm a bit distracted right now because Roger is sitting behind the drums, which is surely not very comfortable for him, with this plug in his ass and the certainly somewhat sore, sensitive entrance. After all, the dildo was really big and I fucked him again extensively in the morning and so to speak renewed the filling.  
The knowledge of the plug and the penis cage, which he still wears, is extraordinarily exciting.  
I almost feel a little sorry for Roger. Sitting is a bit awkward, I'll bet, but drumming? Ouch!

He doesn't let it show, but I notice the little beads of sweat on his forehead, the strained expression that doesn't come from drumming.

Wes hands over his bass to Johnny, and it's pure joy to watch our only true rhythm section.  
Joe and Wes were a good team, but nothing and nobody can get close to the interaction of the two Taylors.  
I'm so proud! My beloved, obedient sub is even under, let's say very difficult conditions, concentrated and precise.

We all go out for dinner before the show, and nobody would even suspect what exciting things are hidden under Rogers jeans.  
What we do show very clearly, however, is that we are a couple. The next day at the latest it will be official. I'm pretty sure we'll be photographed.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to survive 24 hours

John and Roger are watching the show from behind the stage.

I would never have thought how much it excites me to know that Roger obeys me even now that I can`t control it. Of course, he could just go to the nearest toilet, remove the plug and take off the silicone cage, since I haven`t locked it. He could wank. He could. But I know he won't.  
We kindly decline Simon's invitation for a nightcap at his home and only 20 minutes after the last encore, Roger, John and me are in the car. John drives and Roger and I are in the back seat.

My lover avoids eye contact and sits as far away from me as possible. Obviously, he is slowly but surely getting fed up with this sort of play.  
The plug is probably hurting by now. By the time we get home, he'll have worn it for almost 24 hours. Well, 20, but he'll be wearing it for 24. I'll make sure of it. This was the last concert and I don't intend to leave our house for at least the next two days. It's time to use Lucas' gift.

"Would you be so kind as to come a little closer?," I ask nicely and am completely ignored.

"Roger, come over.” Apparently, he needs the commanding tone. Fine, he can have it.

“I prefer to stay here, thank you.” He gives me the evilest eye, and I almost laughed.

Okay, my little stubborn boy has gone back into defiance mode and I can't even blame him. It's been a long day. Maybe too long to wear a plug for the first time in public. John's eyes meet mine in the  
rear-view mirror, and he raises his brows questioningly. I'm just smiling. Even if he has already seen all kinds of things, he doesn't need to know that. After all, that makes up a large part of the thrill That nobody knows. Besides, Roger has put up with enough. It would be unwise to involve John in our little game right now. Maybe some other time.  
Gela is still awake when we are back into the house and she, too, throws me a questioning look as Roger disappears up the stairs without a proper greeting.

“What`s upsetting him?” she wonders.

“He's been acting weird all day. I'm sure you two are playing some sort of funny game.” Johnny grins at me.

“That`s right. Now, if you'll excuse me. Good night. I have to take care of my loved one.”  
It took us longer than we thought for the return trip, there are only two hours left until it is exactly 24 hours.

Roger`s in the bedroom, getting undressed. He twitches violently as I enter the room.  
I lean against the door frame, smiling.  
“Does it hurt?”  
“No, why would you think that?,” he snorts, still avoiding my gaze.  
“Well, that's good, because there's still two hours. If it doesn't hurt, I think you can handle it. Although you like to be hurt, if I remember correctly. How'd you like the show?”

“I like Wes and Joe, but they're not half as good as John and me. Warren, on the other hand, is a genius, but don't tell Andy that.”

“If I didn't know you, I'd think you were pretty arrogant. But you're right. Even with a plug in your ass, you're better than Joe.”  
Finally, Roger turns to me.  
All defiance has disappeared from his face.  
"Please, Nick, Sir, Master, I'll even call you God if that's what you want, but please release me from this devilish thing!”  
“Oh? I thought it doesn't hurt. Didn't you say that? You haven't been lying to me, have you?”  
“It burns like hell.”

“You'll have to be patient a little longer. Come here, I'll take off the penis cage. But the plug stays in. Maybe I would have put you out of your misery if you little stubborn boy hadn't lied. Remember the most important rule. Honesty. Always. So either you get through this or you use your safe word. I'll punish you for lying tomorrow. We'll spend the day in the playroom.”  
Roger remains silent, his gaze lowered while I free him from the silicone around his dick.  
Soft and heavy his pretty cock lies in my hand. I like this velvety feeling, this softness and vulnerability of a flaccid cock.  
I gently stroke the glans with my thumb, and the pretty thing twitches under my touch, filling with blood.” Please don't, ” he whispers softly, because he knows that the 2 hours are not only for the plug. He will have to wait at least as long for his orgasm.  
“I'm so proud of you, handsome. Why don't you run us a bath and I'll open a bottle of wine.”

I really tortured him enough, and even if the plug will stay in, a hot bath will do good. Also one or two glasses of wine, he has really earned it.

I won't be able to fuck this maltreated hole, but that doesn't matter. 24 hours of control and power is better than sex. At least it feels that way, today, now.  
Today I don't need an orgasm. I will reward my beloved for his obedience and resilience.  
About 10 minutes later I join Roger in the tub, handing him a glass of heavy red.  
I sit behind him and fling an arm around his middle, placing a kiss on his neck.  
“You are beautiful, I love you. Please tell me honestly how you feel.”  
He takes a sip of wine before he says “ Sore. Frustrated. But also kind of...I don't know, proud maybe. It was...it _is_...confusing. And exhausting. And yet somehow arousing. It's a little long for the first time, if I may say.”  
“And yet you went along. Tell me, is it because you want to obey me or because it turns you on?”  
“Both, I suppose. I like the idea of sharing something with you that nobody notices. And you were with me even though you were on stage. I liked that feeling. But the fear that someone might notice was less pleasant. In Winfield House it would have been different, but for normal everyday life...a little too much.”  
“I repeat, and yet you went along.”  
“I'm just a stubborn mule. I hate to give up.”

“Ah, and I foolishly thought that you would gladly obey me and suffer for your Master.”  
“That, too. You know that, don`t you?”  
“I sure do, love.”  
We kiss and what was meant to be a tender, loving gesture turns into something hot within seconds, making my man squirm.  
I deepen the kiss even more, having him moaning into my mouth as I suck his tongue. His wine glass almost fell into the water and I pull back, well aware that it`s still more than one hour to go.  
Maybe I should tease him a little more, test his obedience one last time in 24 hours.  
Water splashes on the floor as I change my position, sit opposite him. I like this bathtub, it is really big and has plenty of room for two.  
“Touch yourself.” I order. Watching Roger masturbate is something I find downright erotic, especially when I tell him to and he is not allowed to come.  
He puts his glass on the edge of the tub and lifts his hips, knowing that of course I want to see his every move. The pretty cock breaks through the water surface and his strong fingers wrap around the shaft. He starts wanking very slowly, almost cautious.  
“Do it right, you cheat.” I smile gently, he moans softly and closes his eyes.

“No, no, honey, look at me.”  


“Please, Nick, Sir, I can`t stand this,” he whines desperately.

“Then I will help you.”  
With that, I bend down to lick over his cockhead.  
Roger sobs in horror.  
“Oh, please don't! I'm begging you, please don't!”  
“All right, since you beg so nicely.”

I lean back and grab my wine glass. Roger falls back in relief, only to groan in pain. The contact of the hard tub floor with the plug.

“It won't be long now, dear. You know what my goal is, don't you?”

“Of course I do. 24 hours,” he whines.

“You're almost there. I promise, no more cruelty. Have some more wine.”  
He looks at me sceptically as he refills his glass, as if he does not trust me at all.  
“What? Don't you believe me?”  
“No, I don't!,” he blurts, making me laugh.  
“Seriously, this is the first time I`m close to safe wording. Please don't let it get that far, I'd feel like a loser.”  
This statement frightens me deeply.

“You should never think that! Never, you hear?”  
I remember what Art said back then. That Roger wouldn't use that word because he was sliding too deep into subspace.  
But this situation is different, it probably owes more to his defiance.

“Roger, you don't have to prove anything to me. I know how strong you are. Shall we stop?”

“Not this close to the finish line! But if I have to touch myself now, or you touch me and I'm not allowed to come, I won't make it.”

My heart is overflowing with love, and suddenly I want nothing more than to remove this stupid plug and crawl under the blanket with Roger, hold him and cover him with kisses.  
But that would be almost like cheating. If Roger wants to go all the way, I think I can too!  
Even more water splashes on the floor as I sit behind him again and pull him close.  
“Holding you is ok?”  
“More than,” he assures, leaning against me.  
We sit in silence, drink our wine and are simply close to each other. As the water slowly cools down, I let warm water fill in.  
None of us realize that the 24 hours have long since passed.

A knock on the bedroom door wakes us a few, too few hours later.  
Roger grumbles and digs his nose into my armpit, what makes me laugh.  
“I hate to interrupt, gentlemen, but Ron and Robert are here, they say Rog is supposed to meet them for a run.”  
It's Gela, and I'll bet she's hoping to take a look in our bedroom.  
“Robert?” I wonder. “Chains-Robert?”  
“Right. Naked Robert. Although I suspect he's not naked this time. Ron and I met him last week when we were running.” Roger cuddles up even closer to me. He doesn't seem like he wants to get out of bed at all, which I understand all too well.  
“I can't run. I'm terribly sore. Ron will notice that and he'll laugh himself to death,” he murmurs.  
“Tell them I can't. You're my Dom, you got to protect me. Besides, I can't leave anyway, I'm chained.” He demonstratively lifts the arm with the leather cuff to which the chain is attached.  
"You poor oppressed, rightless slave.” I chuckle, kissing his forehead.  
“Hello? Is anybody awake in there?”  
“I'll be right down, Nash. Please tell them Roger can't make it. Offer them some coffee. I need a few minutes.”  
“They already have coffee. And I think Robert has a thing for John.”  
“Half the world is into John; in case you haven't noticed.” I look for my clothes lying on the floor and disappear briefly into the en-suite bathroom.  
I need at least a little cold water in my face and a comb.  
“Thank you, Sir,” I can barely hear Roger whisper as I open the bedroom door. He almost fell asleep again.  
Gela still stands there and looks at me with a grin. “You look a little desolate, Rhodes.”  
“It was a short night, Nash.”

Loud laughter greets us as we enter the kitchen.  
John, Ron and Robert are sitting at the table, the latter actually dressed, although in very short pants and a very tight t-shirt.  
“We just got an invitation to Chains, Nick! Robert's birthday is next Saturday. You can come too, Gela. It's a private party.” Johnny beams.  
“He assured me that you wouldn't run away in horror. Because I'm hoping for lots of action.” Robert winks.  
Action sounds good to me and my tired brain is already starting to create scenarios. But first I should go protect my poor sub.  
“Good morning, you two. Good to see you, Robert, been a while. Roger sends his apologies, but last night we celebrated our last show with the old line-up, with lots of wine.”  
That's not even a real lie, right?  
Ron's slipping me the daily paper.  
"I thought something like that. Congratulations on officially coming out as the new gay dream couple. Really nice photos.”  
“Reporters from about 25 newspapers have already called. How did they find out our phone number so fast after so long nobody noticed anything?” John wonders.  
“I have no idea how these vultures keep doing that. But that was kind of the point, wasn't it? Well, anyway, we'll see who we can give an exclusive interview . Is there any coffee left?”  
Ron and Robert don't seem to regret very much that instead of running they sit in our kitchen. For two hours we talk before they say goodbye.  
When I finally come back into the bedroom, Roger is still sleeping. I take a shower and then go look for the package Lucas sent.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to use Lucas` gift

I stand somewhat helpless before the contents when I find the package. Maybe I should have looked at it more carefully. Lucas included a handwritten manual, but I'm definitely gonna need help. Not from Roger, of course, then the surprise effect would be gone.

I will probably have to strain the tolerance of our dear friends one more time. I need one of the Taylors to distract Roger, the other to help me with this mess.

Fortunately Gela and John are still in the kitchen.

“I have a favour to ask of both of you. Since there's no show or interview or anything else coming up, I'm planning a longer play with Roger.”  
They listen attentively while I explain to them what this is all about, and not much later we have made a plan. It's really unbelievable luck to have such friends.  
I'm going back to our apartment to prepare a late breakfast for Roger. He has to eat properly, he'll need energy.  
The thing with the plug was about not coming, now it will be about the opposite.  
The fact that he does not want to or cannot use his safe word, for whatever reason, concerns me very much. It is an emergency exit and he has to know that it is neither a sign of weakness nor lack of obedience when you use it. So I will make him say it, and I have plenty of time for that.  
But maybe the new, strange thing I have in mind will be enough, after all I have no idea how he will react. I think, however, that his stubbornness will keep him from giving up, so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to push him over the edge.  
Since he is still quite sore, anal play is dropped for now. Last night even my tongue was too much in the chafed channel. So, no fucking, not even touching. 

I wake him up very affectionately and he is extremely cuddly, yet he has not forgotten what I said. That we would spend the day in the playroom. That I'd make him pay for his lie.

“Should I go upstairs?” he asks quietly when we have finished eating.

“Later, dear. Gela and John don't want to leave the house for the next few days either, I promised Gela that you would go shopping with her, so we have everything we need. Is that all right?”

“Sure.”  
He clearly sounds a little disappointed and I almost laughed.  
He`s hoping for the cane or at least the crop, I know that much. Neither of that he will get.

Only minutes after Roger and Gela have left the house together, John and I stand in front of the cardboard box with Lucas` present.  
“That looks awfully complicated,” my friend notes, scratching his square chin.  
“Which is why I need your help. Lucas and Cora made it look easy, though.”  
We spread the mess of straps over the bed and John spots the other things in the box that had previously been hidden under all those strings.  
“What the hell? Is that a catheter?”  
“It is, but I won`t use it. The bottle will do for now. Somehow Roger has to be able to pee, right?”  
“Oh, man. I hope you won't be offended if I tell you this is really weird. I don't know. Tying's okay, but that stuff's used in psychiatry, huh?”

“I`m not offended and you are right. But I told you that I want to tie him up here for at least a day. And that wouldn`t work with ropes or cuffs. I want him to be comfortable.”

“Comfortable? That doesn't look very comfortable, if you ask me! Explain to me again what's sexy about this.”

“It's all about total control and being completely at the mercy of someone. It's what turns people like us on, John.”

“Well, I hope Roger feels the same way.”

“I'm pretty sure of that, and if not, he has a safe word.”

John doesn't look very convinced, but after about half an hour we untangled the construction of different width straps and fixed it to the bed.  
I actually wanted to do this up in the attic, but the leather upholstered furniture is just not as comfortable as the bed, and as I said, Roger should be as comfortable as possible. With long-term bondage, that's important.  
John even allows me to test the whole thing on him, which I credit to him very highly.  
He spends the next 20 minutes in bondage and is amazed how soft and smooth the straps are. Only the strap across his forehead he can't stand, because it makes him too much immobile, but for someone who has never been tied up before, he is doing surprisingly well.

“I can lend you this if you want,” I suggest, smiling. 

“Oh, that's very nice, but thank you, no. Now would you kindly release me again?” After I free him, I go up to the attic and collect everything I think I might need.  
Just in time the preparations are finished, because we are barely sitting in the kitchen when Roger's car drives up.

I hope Gela didn't give anything away.   
I feel his tension as we stow the groceries together, but it quickly becomes clear that Gela hasn't revealed anything, he just knows that something will happen. Sure, he thinks we're going to the playroom.  
With all the preparation I have forgotten to think about the initial steps. How to start the game?  
So I give him and me some more time, and we have coffee with our friends.  
Gela, who I suspect has a small, nasty, sadistic streak, comes to my rescue.  
"Are you in any way nervous, dear Roger? Your hand is shaking, you might want to cut down on the coffee!”  
“This has nothing to do with coffee, Nash. He knows I'll punish him today. Because he lied to me, you know?”

“He did? Why would Roger lie to you? I can't believe that!”  
“Well, he`s a stubborn thing, huh?”  
Gela nods. “Must be the name, I tell you. I hardly know any Taylor who isn`t stubborn as fuck! Of course this does not apply to those who bear this name by marriage. What did you do, Roger?”  
“I don't want to tell you.”  
What can I say? It turns me on when he's so bashful. His cheeks are a lovely red and he looks intensely at the tabletop.

“That's very rude, Roger. What if I want you to tell her?”  
He seems to shrink a little and wiggles uncomfortably on his chair, which pushes all my sadist and Dom buttons at once.  
“You refuse to answer me? Big mistake! Go upstairs to our apartment door. You will undress, kneel and wait for me. In front of the flat, not inside, understand?”  
He`s gone in a flash, and Gela gives me the evil eye.  
“Man, you're really selfish, aren't you? He might as well have undressed down here! After all, we helped you.”

Well, she has a point.

"Okay, Gela, if everything goes well and your husband agrees, maybe you can come and have a look.”

John`s grinning broadly. “Funny, it should bother me that my wife likes gay drummers, right? But, well, he's pretty cute, our Roger.”

“He's not our Roger, he's my Roger.”

“Oh, come on, Nick! Sharing is fun.”

“What, sharing? Are you out of your mind, Nigel?” 

“Not with me, you dickhead, but my wife would like to... well.”

Now it's Gela's turn to blush. “I never said anything about sharing! I was talking of watching, like we did in the attic.”

“Oh? So you wouldn't like to touch him? I mean, really touch him?” John raises a brow.

“Why are you doing this, John? I'm totally embarrassed!”

“I've been telling you for a long time, Gela, you should just ask Nick. After all, there were women in this Winfield House, and they did a lot more than just touch, if I remember correctly.”  
Well, well, well. Very interesting, just the wrong time for this kind of talk.  
I reach for Gela's hand.   
“There's nothing to be ashamed of, Nash. We're gonna have a private conversation about this, but not right now. I promise you; you can come up and look, we'll talk about everything else another time, okay? I shouldn't keep Roger in the dark any longer. You saw how nervous he is.”  
I have never seen this woman ashamed before, somehow it touches me very much. I briefly squeeze her tender hand once and hope to have shown her that her wish does not repel me or something. Then I leave the kitchen and make my way up the stairs.  
Oh, I will love this sight for the rest of my days! A naked, kneeling, very submissive Roger. Is there anything more beautiful in the world? I don't think so.  
“It's very gratifying that you at least do what you're told every now and then,” I snap at him.   
“A little more humility would do you good, don't you think?   
I reach over his head for the doorknob and let the door swing open. Good thing it opens inwards.  
“I want to see you crawl. All the way to the bedroom and nice and slow so I can admire your nice ass properly. If you lie to me again, you'll do it in the garden with a nice tail like Miles has, and I'll invite everyone from Chains and Winfield House to watch, got it?”  
A mighty, quite delightful shiver goes through the strong, naked body before he turns around and starts crawling.  
This as well is something new, humiliation we have so far touched lightly at best.  
And that's quite enough for now. I just want him to get as deep into subspace as possible as quickly as possible.  
Nevertheless, I do, of course, enjoy the sight immensely.  
The muscles flexing with every move in the solid globes of his ass, the broad, muscular back, even the soles of his feet are pretty to look at. Somehow a bit sad that I will not be able to cover this beautiful body with decorative red stripes.

“Eyes down! At least pretend to be submissive!”

It's not fair, I know, but he's not supposed to see the straps on the bed until the very last second and he actually doesn’t see them when he reaches the bedroom, so it works, huh?  
“Just a little advise, Roger, if I were you, I'd go to the bathroom once more, because you won't be able to do that for a while. You can get up.”

He gasps audibly when he recognizes what is attached to the bed.

"It won't surprise you that this is the gift from Lucas. We'll start with the simple version. No mask, no catheter. And if you're a good boy, I'll do without the gag as well. Go to the bathroom, unless you want to use this bottle more than you have to.”  
Again a shiver goes through his body and for a short moment I fear that he will refuse. But be it stubbornness or obedience, he disappears wordlessly into the bathroom.  
He's taking longer than usual, but I'll let that pass, and my patience is more than just rewarded when he comes back, lays down between the straps without hesitation and looks at me like he's never looked at me before. I don't know how to describe it with words, but it is pure devotion, complete trust. Not a bit of defiance or shame, but something I think is fear. The fear of the unknown, not of me, I can see that much.  
I sit on the edge of the bed and just look at him for a while. 

“I don't think I tell you this often enough, but you are incredibly beautiful. And you're even more beautiful when you suffer a little for me. Are you ready to suffer? Just so that this is clear from the beginning, I intend to push you to your limits, and I will only stop when you use the word. Your damn pride's not gonna help you. You'll learn there's no shame in using a safe word. Nothing is gonna make me stop, you understand? Nothing. No screaming, no crying, no begging and pleading.”

“I understand, Sir.” His voice sounds soft and warm, quiet and devoted. I like that sound. Tenderly I kiss his forehead before I start to fasten the straps.  
Although the whole thing looks very clinical, the white restraints make a nice contrast to his tanned skin. He looks very vulnerable as he lies there, forced to almost complete immobility. He does not seem to find this exciting, because his dick is soft and heavy between his spread thighs, which changes abruptly when I bend over his crotch and blow gently. Just a slight twitch at first. I wank him, very carefully, slowly and without much pressure, until this nice big cock stands straight and proud.  
Except for a quiet little moan, Roger remains very silent. That will change too, but I have plenty of time.  
“So pretty.” I let the shaft slide through my fist one last time, then I take care of the stiff nipples extensively. With my lips, my tongue and finally with my teeth. Only nibbling, no biting. If he wants more now, let him ask me.  
“Say a number between one and six.”  
“Three.”  
So the golden middle, very wise. 

The things that I have set up are by the bed and he can't see them because now he can't even turn his head.   
Three. Three nasty little steel clamps with sharp little teeth. Those things hurt, and they hurt like hell.  
This is not cheap shit from the sex shop for people who like to try something. It's only for real masochists, people like Roger.  
“One” The metal teeth mercilessly dig into the tender flesh of his right nipple and draw out an elongated "Ooo-ooo."  
“Two.” Left nipple, almost the same long “Ooooh.”  
“What do we do with number three, dear? You get to choose, foreskin or balls?”  
“Uh…uh…uh.”  
“Make up your mind, or I will decide.”  
“I... I can't, you decide, please.” He sounds a little panicky and starts to cry when I run my clamp over his twitching cock.  
Even though he's scared, it makes him horny. Something I've always found very fascinating His breath goes fast and faster as I stroke his balls with the metal. He visibly tries to stay calm, to accept the pain I will inflict on him, no matter where I put the clamp.  
I choose the bottom of his sack and make sure that the teeth only bite the skin and not the testicles underneath. Now I get the first real scream, followed by almost silent and very tearful sobbing.  
I am well aware that the majority of humanity considers this to be profoundly perverse, but I love tears, especially his, and above all because it still makes him horny. Thick, clear drops of pre-cum ooze from his slit and I rub them all over his shaft. His pelvis wants to move towards me, towards my touch, but he is tied up. Helplessly at my mercy. He can't get more than what I'm willing to give and if I give him more than he wants, he has to take it. He can neither force a touch, nor pull away from it.  
I don't think we both realized the sheer magnitude of this until now. An almost shattering insight, that I can see in Roger's tear-stained eyes as much as he sees it in mine.  
Words cannot describe how much I love this man, yet I must say it.

"I love you more than anything.”  
“So do I, Nicholas. I love you So much it hurts. Literally.”  
It is absolutely strange and inappropriate, yet it is wonderful that we both have to laugh Me, the mean, merciless Dom, and Roger, the poor suffering slave.  
Is there any better proof that we love what we do? That we love each other?  
His laughter is as beautiful as his tears, and at this very moment I am unshakably sure that it is forever. That I will grow old with him. That together we will accomplish everything.  
"I love you," I say again and strike. With my flat hand on the balls, just above the clamp.  
Roger comes with a delicious scream and three huge spurts, painting his stomach, chest and even his chin in creamy cum. I dip my fingers into the white substance and lick it off with relish, repeat it and let him taste himself.  
Actually, I just want to go to the bathroom to get a washcloth. I have licked off most of the semen as thoroughly as possible, but since Roger will be tied up for quite a while and dried cum itches like hell, a little warm water can't hurt. I turn on the water when I suddenly have to think of two things. Robert's invitation to Chains and Gela's wish. Does Gela really want to come to a gay SM club? Does she realize what she's getting into? And does she really wanna touch my Roger? Is that okay with John?  
Roger's still a little spaced out while I wash him. Although the clamps are still on, I don't think he can feel the pain anymore.  
Since my possibilities are very limited due to the bondage and his sore hole, and it is truly and utterly my goal to bring him to more than just one limit, why not kill two birds with one stone?  
Even at the risk that Roger uses his safe word very early. Then we can still go to the playroom.  
But I'd like to find out how everyone's handling it. Gela, John and Roger. Are they all really as open as they say they are? Was it just a one-time thing for Roger to let them watch, was it just to see if John could still take him seriously? Would it turn him on or off in his current situation? Can Gela actually deal with cum-drenched, brutal primitive gay horniness and can John handle it if she still wants to touch Roger? Maybe we should clear all this up before we go to a gay SM party, where according to Robert a lot of action would happen. And finally, what does it do to me? Can I let my best friend's wife touch my lover?   
"I can hear you thinking," Roger says softly.  
"I'll think of some new cruelties, my darling,"  
"Ah, yes please."   
“You are a greedy, insatiable little bitch, Roger Taylor.”  
“Then we're a good match, I'd say.”  
“I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you have a safe word and that I will not stop until you use it.”

“I don't want you to stop.”

“Even if I get John and Gela now? Because Gela's all eager to watch, and I'm not gonna bring her in without her husband.”  
“Whatever you like, Master.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to make Roger scream

“Is that so?” I smirk, running the cloth over his sweaty, sticky skin.

“Uh-huh. Yes.”

His gentle, foggy eyes meet mine. “It`s unnerving not to be able to touch you.”

“It`s part of this scene. I want you as helpless as possible. I want total control.”

“You have, I guess.”

“Good.” I towel him, then place a noisy kiss on his navel. “Can I leave you alone for a minute?”

“I will most likely not run away.”

“Naughty boy.” I twist both the nipple clamps, making him cry out loud.  
“Does the third clamp also need some attention or are you being good now?”

“I`ll be good, Sir.”

Smiling, I stand up, then pretend to have suddenly changed my mind and flick against the steel clip in his sack.  
The soft whimpering is music to my ears.  
"I will do what I want with you. Until you say the word. You can't stop me. We're going through with this until you end it and we have all the time in the world, Roger. I'll get the two of them here now.”

I walk very slowly until I am out of sight, then I run down the stairs as if the devil himself was after me. You don't leave a bound man alone.  
In the corridor below I almost collide with John.  
“Do you want to come up? You and Gela? I can't explain much to you now, because I can't leave him alone for that long. Think it over. You and Gela together. Or no one.”  
Without waiting for the answer I dash up again.

I stop in front of the bedroom door for a moment to take a deep breath and give a completely unstressed impression.

Roger's eyes are closed, but a slight twitch tells me that he has noticed my presence.  
In the meantime, the restraints have lost all clinical appeal for me.  
I begin to perceive their beauty, not only the usefulness.

The contrast against his skin, the innocent, virgin white.  
I'm beginning to understand Lucas' clinic fetish a little bit.  
But the most beautiful, the most important is of course the man lying on the bed in these bonds.   
How quickly we got to this point, how much he trusts me!

Oh dear, this is not the time to go soft. After all, I want to push him to his limits.  
And I am aware that this will be difficult. Roger is a stubborn little bastard, no matter how submissive he can be when he wants to.  
Since I can't do many things that I already know work, I have to get really creative here.  
Not only for Roger and me, but also for Gela and John. Because if they go to this party on Saturday, nobody will hold back because of them. So it's kind of a dress rehearsal to see if they can take it.   
If they show up, and I'm pretty sure they will.  
Ignoring Roger completely, I light a few candles that I had previously arranged and then sit down on the armchair that I have placed at the foot of the bed.  
I will now count to a hundred, and if they have not shown up by then, I will start.   
While I count up in my head, I look at the man on the bed.   
Although he is forced to be almost completely motionless, so much is happening.  
His chest rises and falls with deep breaths, his abdominal muscles twitch, his hands close into fists, open again. I see that he is searching for his focus, that he is testing how much room for movement he has left. He sighs softly, runs his tongue over his lips. He`s nervous and doesn`t want to show it, but I know him well enough.  
The pretty cock is half hard, maybe because of the clamps, maybe because he thinks of what`s to come.  
I am at 75 when Gela and John enter the room, quietly, almost reverently.  
“We have visitors, Roger.” I leave the chair to the two Taylors. As if we had discussed it beforehand, we do not talk, we communicate with looks and gestures.

I really appreciate their quick comprehension.  
When the petite Gela sits on Nigel's lap, I step up to the bed and let my eyes wander over the things I have prepared.  
First I will take care of his poor, tortured nipples. Clamps alone are definitely not enough.  
He will torture himself, on my command.  
Smiling, I pick out a chain and attach it to both clamps. He cries out as I pull on it.  
“Open your mouth and then hold on tight.”

With the chain in his mouth he painfully pulls his own nipples upwards. The strap over his forehead prevents him from putting his chin on his chest, thus reducing the pull.   
His eyes fly open as he realises that, but he does what I told him, holds the chain.   
"Whew," he hisses out between clenched teeth.  
“Do not let go, understand? If you let go, I'll put four more clamps on your pretty sack.”  
“Uh”  
I hear Gela inhaling heavily. Her gaze is directed at the silver clamp on Roger's scrotum, which she has probably only just noticed.  
“Pretty jewellery, Gela, don't you think?” I wink.  
“Oh yes! Can I take a closer look?”  
I exchange a look with John. He nods with a grin. Giving his wife a quick kiss, he whispers: “Go, luv.”  
Gela sits at the foot of the bed and I take the opportunity that Roger is distracted by the movement of the mattress to reach for his cock.  
“Uhn!” The chain remains between his teeth. A pity, really.  
He still has himself under control, what I intend to change. But for now, just holding his cock out of the way so that Gela has a good sight of the silver clamp is all I do. We have time. A lot of time.  
I have long suspected that Mrs. Taylor-Nash had a little sadistic streak, which has now been clearly confirmed.  
She bends over and snaps her finger against the clamp

" Very nice, Bates!"

“That's what I'm saying.” 

She gently strokes with one finger over the skin under the clamp.  
“So soft, hairless. I like!”

My best friend John changes his position, sits down next to Roger's head.  
"Hey, man, look at me. I wanna see how you're doing." His voice sounds incredibly soft, and as he catches a sweaty strand of hair from the strap over Roger`s forehead, pulling it out ever so gently, I am deeply touched. 

John and I have shared a lot, experienced a lot together, but I never thought he would share this with me.  
Somehow only now do I really realise that John loves Roger.   
I always knew he loved me as I love him, but now that he looks at Roger like this, I see the deep feeling in his gaze. The two of them have a very special bond that goes beyond friendship.  
Suddenly I understand Roger's fear that this connection might be destroyed because John doesn't understand the way he feels. And just as clearly I realise that John is in no way repulsed. On the contrary, it fascinates him. What he is doing now is actually nothing else than what he is doing on stage. He makes a connection; he tries to read Roger. For their unique interplay when they make music this is almost existential, now it is about showing Roger that he is with him, that he understands him.  
My goodness, no! 

This is supposed to be a play at the edge, damn it!

Actually, it`s about pushing him over the edge. The very last thing I need now is this romantic, kitschy feeling.  
Then how can you be the evil, merciless Dom, please?  
These two are killing me here, my best friend and my lover.

I should not have acted so rashly if I had had to explain to Gela and John first what this is all about.  
Gela seems to understand it without many words. John on the other hand...he's worried about Roger. That touches me, yes, but it doesn't belong here right now.

And then it is Roger who takes the matter into his tied up hands.  
Speaking with the chain still in his mouth must be kind of awkward, maybe even a bit humiliating, but he manages to talk reasonably clear.  
“This is going to be pretty nasty, Johnny, are you sure you want to see this? I have no idea what he's going to do, because this is something completely new for us, but the goal is for me to take the emergency exit. I'm supposed to use my safeword, you know? And I don't intend to make it easy for him. So, like I said, this is gonna be pretty nasty.”

“It's ok, I just... well, I just need to know that you really want this.”

“Oh, yes, John, I do. I'm pretty scared right now, but I want this.”

John nods, then goes back to the armchair, making himself comfortable.  
Another nod into my direction, and I know he got it.

Roger, however, has just announced, so to speak, that he will make things difficult for me.  
Let's see you do that, you stubborn bastard!  
“Gela, darling, would you be so kind as to give me one of the candles?”

I haven't played with wax for a long time and I don't want to cause pain yet, so the first drop hits Roger's right nipple from quite a high angle.  
Already over- sensitised by the clamp, he still shrugs violently.  
Nevertheless he keeps the chain in his mouth.

Yes, my Roger is strong, powerful and stubborn. I will actually have to make quite an effort.

I give Gela the candle back and reach into my bag of tricks again.  
This time I find a simple thin leather strap to bind the sensitive balls.  
He will now feel the clamp there more intensely.  
And right, he closes his eyes, whimpers softly. His hands clench into fists.  
He fights against the new, the unknown, tenses up.  
But the pretty cock, which I unfortunately had to let go, stands proud and steep, drops forming at the tip, running down the shaft.

"See how horny this makes him, Gela?" I casually ask. Let's add a little humiliation. If I've got Mrs Taylor-Nash right, she'll go along with it.

“That looks very pretty. He's really into it, the naughty little drummer!”

“Would you like to hear how beautiful he screams?”

“But of course! Can I help?”

“Well sure, my dear, that's why you're here, isn't it? Do you want to be nice or mean?”

“For the beginning I would like to be nice.”

“That suits me fine, because I like to be mean. You want to touch this pretty cock, Nash?”

“Oh yes!” 

Again, she checks with her husband before she acts, and with John giving his ok, her tiny fingers wrap around the hot, hard flesh.  
I put the candle she`s still holding aside, giving her a sign to move faster.  
Roger grits his teeth; his knuckles turn white from tension.  
A single, quick movement is all it takes. I simultaneously undo the leather strap and tear the clamp away and Roger screams, screams and comes, and this time he lets go of the chain.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to have total control

Even in the middle of his violent orgasm he knows what it means and his scream turns into a loud NO!  
Well, no is not the safeword, so I bend over for the clamps with a wicked grin.  
"Four, right?"

"Please don't!"

"Oh, Roger. You know what to say. Gela, dear, when you go to wash your hands, will you bring another wash cloth?”

Gela looks at her sperm-covered hand somehow absently.  
“Oh, uh, yeah, of course... I... please wait for me to put these things on, yeah?”

Oh yes, dear Gela clearly has a sadistic streak. This could be extraordinarily exciting.

Although John sees it quite differently. He's probably getting a bit frightened of his wife right now.  
However, he looks more amused than frightened as he watches Gela disappearing into the bathroom.

I know that Roger can`t see it, since he`s not able to move his head the slightest bit, so I wink at John and he returns the gesture, eyebrows going up a wee bit as he does.  
Roger has closed his eyes yet again, chest heaving with rapid breaths.   
Yes, he is afraid of the clamps, of the pain they cause, no question, but he is not scared enough to use his safeword.  
John knows enough about SM to realise this, even though he may not really understand it.  
I somehow don't want him to be just a distant spectator. If he is there, then he should really be there.   
He should feel and see what it does to Roger up close.  
He should be able to share this experience with his wife. With me, and with Roger.  
Now that Gela has apparently decided to be mean as well, it needs an antipole. Like when playing with the subs in Winfield House.   
“John, would you be so kind as to hold Roger's hand? Because this is gonna hurt a lot.”

"I hate you," Roger sobs softly, his fists opening and closing, opening and closing. 

I know he is fighting more with himself than against me.  
That's ok, he can call me names, shout at me, curse me, whatever he wants. Whatever helps him.  
I reach for the chain and pull on it.

"Fuck you, Nick!" he yells.

"I'd rather fuck you, but I'm afraid you're still sore. And I don't want to break my favourite toy.” 

John giggles, very quietly. Then he gets up and sits down next to Roger again, grabs his hand.  
"I once called him Asshole King when I was really mad at him," he says gently.

"That's very true, although it's kind of ambiguous...well, it's still true. " Roger even chuckles.   
Placing John at his side was a brilliant idea. 

I almost have to laugh, but manage to stay serious and mean.

"King would be nice too, Roger, but I prefer sir. although I am in fact king over your delightful asshole, aren't I?"

He snorts contemptuously, but doesn't say anything. 

Then Gela comes back.

God, Roger`s screams are deafening. And wonderful. 

After a rather short scene with the clamps and a few more drops of hot wax, I send Gela and John off.

The rest of the time in bondage, how long it may be, belongs to Roger and me alone.  
Calm silent phases take turns with intense, painful ones.   
Sometimes Roger seems to be floating in another universe, sometimes he`s the stubborn man who fights it all. 

The strongest reactions I get from humiliation. It`s what he fights fiercely.

“Uncuff me! I told you I have to pee!”

“That`s what the plastic bottle between your legs is for.”

“That`s ridiculous! I`m not a baby!”

“Of course you are not. I could have wrapped you in a diaper, but that`s so not sexy. It can`t be that hard to use this bottle, huh?”

“Could you at least stop staring? I can`t pee with someone watching.”

“ I will watch. Get used to it, since it won`t be the only time you`ll have to use this bottle.”

The loud defiance turns into silent shame.  
A change that my sadistic self enjoys beyond all measure.

“Please, Nick…I can`t. Please do not make me do this.”

“You have done far more difficult things for me. You just have to pee, Roger. Where`s the problem?”

“This is... embarrassing. I don't want you to watch me do it.”

“And I want to watch you do it, it's that simple.”

Wow, that's intense, I didn't expect that much shame.

He even starts to cry softly.  
Still, no safeword.   
I place the flat of my hand on his lower abdomen, feel the full bladder and press gently.  
A small whimper escaped from Roger when the stream begins to flow, the splashing in the plastic bottle unnaturally loud. I massage his stomach until the noise stops.  
Contrary to my words, I don`t watch him pee, but look at his face. This arousing, divine shame, this feeling of absolute control...maybe he's right, maybe it's kind of ridiculous, but it doesn't feel that way. It feels like real power, like sweet, exciting power.  
Total control over his body.

And despite the shame, despite the tears he gives me this control, this power.

Despite everything, this is what he wants. To be controlled. To be dominated.

It takes almost 48 hours in bondage before he uses the word.  
I've pulled out all the stops, but what finally makes him scream *Duran* almost in panic is an innocent piece of metal. Something that Lucas enclosed with his gift, something I have never used before and I had no intention of using it. I just wanted to scare him with it, and obviously I was very successful.  
I will use it at some point, but first I want to know exactly how. 

We should invite Cora and Lucas sometime in the near future.

This little piece of metal is a penis plug, a urethral sound.

Roger was almost freaked out by fear from the sight alone.

Now he`s running with Robert and Ron, and I sit in the kitchen with John and Gela. The day after tomorrow is the big party at Chains, and we three are busy making plans.  
After what we have experienced together over the past two days, I have no more concerns about taking the Taylor couple to a gay SM club, but there are a few things we should talk about.  
After all, it won't be about Roger and me. They'll see strangers playing. They'll see things that might upset them. I'm thinking about Ron in particular. They know Ron as a friend, but not as the tough Dom Roger says he is.

“There are some rules in a club like this. You don't interrupt a play, no matter how brutal it may seem to you, okay? I hardly know the people; I don't know what is going on there.  
But always remember that the sub actually has the power.   
So, no interruptions, no stupid comments. If it gets too much for you, just don't look. The Chains is big enough, you will find people you can just talk to. I heard Enrique is bringing his wife, so you're not all alone, Gela.”

Then I explain how I imagine this evening to be.  
Gela beams all over her face and nods enthusiastically.  
I urgently need a moment alone with John before this party, but first we all need a big dose of normality, some family time with the kids.  
So the next day a very illustrious and very cheerful group of people strolls along the promenade along the Thames.

John comes walking beside me, grinning.  
“Now look at that! We are some weird family, huh?”  
“Naah!” Elliot, holding my hand, looks reproachfully at the tall bass player. “ We are the best family EVER!”  
“Oh, we surely are, little one!” John nods.   
“Nick, can we have ice cream? Oh, or fries. Or both!”  
“A little later everyone has a bag of fish and chips in their hands.  
"Oh, my goodness, I haven't eaten this for ages!" I lick the salt off my fingers with pleasure. 

"I'm surprised you've ever eaten anything so profane.” Roger chuckles. “ Here, try vinegar with it!”

“Yikes!”

“Come on, try it at least!” There`s nothing more beautiful than my man`s smile, but still…

“Nick and I prefer ketchup, Dad! Vinegar is disgusting!” Elliot flings his tiny arms around my waist and out of nowhere Tatji appears beside Roger, doing the same, embracing him.

“Snobs, stepdad, utter snobs!”

The two of them pour half a pint of vinegar over their chips with a grin.  
Ah, the simple pleasures of life!   
What a wonderful day.

We go to bed early that night and Roger snuggles up close to me. He has been very cuddly since the bondage experience. Maybe now would be a good time to talk about it. With a little distance, a little normality in between.  
“What do you think, darling? Was the gift from Lucas a one-off experiment or are we repeating it on occasion?”  
Roger pushes himself even closer to me, he sighs softly and I can almost hear how much he is thinking about it.

“I don't know, it's hard to put into words. It was...interesting. Contradictory. Intense. I'm not sure I want to do it again. What about you?”

“I feel exactly the same. The feeling of power was at times overwhelming and extraordinarily arousing, but I think I like it better if you have at least a little more freedom to move.”

“I can move now,” he purrs, rubbing himself against me.

“Oh, that's good. Now you're gonna blow me. There'll be no release for you though, sweetheart, I'm saving that for Robert's party.”


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Robert`s birthday party starts

Roger chuckles against my skin, totally fine with that, since I made him come as often as possible while he was in bondage.  
Oh goodness, yes! I absolutely agree about freedom to move.  
About his lips around my cock, his tongue lapping my glans, head bobbing.

“I'm not doing this, Nick.”  
It`s the next evening and we`re getting ready for Robert`s birthday party.  
That means, I am ready to leave, Roger obviously not.  
He leans against the bedroom door, arms crossed, never stopping to shake his head.  
“Yes, you will.” I say calmly. “You have done it for days in Winfield House.”

“That was Winfield House! But we`re going to Chains now. They know me there, they…”

“Yes. They know you there. They know you as the guy who comes in twice a week and lets himself be beaten to the point of bleeding. And it`s about time that they know you as my obedient submissive, so you will wear collar and leash and nothing else. You are beautiful and you are mine. I want everybody in this fucking place to see that, you understand? I want to show you off and what I want the most, Roger, is, that you will just do what I say, as you agreed on when we made our list. Constantly fighting with you is exhausting.”

Roger uncrosses his arms, letting a hand run through his artfully messed mop of hair.  
“I'm not trying to fight you, it's just...I…Fuck, it`s Chains!”  
“Exactly. And because it`s Chains, you will wear collar and leash. Because it`s Chains, you will be my perfectly trained sub. Plus, it`s Robert`s birthday and he always wanted to see you naked.” 

His mouth twitches with amusement, almost a smile, then he lets his head fall against the wooden door, closing his eyes.  
“They will laugh at me,” he says quietly.  
“No one will laugh at you. They will cover the floor in drool at your sight. I have been telling you for a long time that we will do that one day, and today is the day.”  
I can`t hide the triumphant grin as he pushes himself off the door and kneels in front of me.  
“I ask for two more things to wear.”  
“And what would that be?”  
“A blindfold, because I am not sure if I`m ready to actually face the guys at Chains and a piece of rope around my wrists to help me keeping still.”  
That I had not thought of that! My sweet sub is so smart.

When we come down a little later, Gela and John are already waiting.

Roger is still wearing jeans and jumpers, because he will only change in the club.  
Stripping, rather.  
The Taylor couple, however, have dressed themselves up.  
And I must admit that both of them look simply fantastic.  
John in leather trousers and a burgundy silk shirt, Gela in a leather dress with the same colour as John's shirt.  
Of course, with Mrs. Taylor-Nash, nothing is simple at all, so the dress has dramatically many feathers and rivets.

“This is really cool. You two look stunning!” Roger lets out a short, approving whistle.

“This is something I would have worn at the Rum Runner, back in 1981” John grinned.

“Absolutely!” I nod.

“Same goes for you, by the way,” my friend winks.

I`m glad that I had the chance to talk to him alone this morning.  
I think I could make him understand why this evening is so important. For me and also for Roger.  
Tonight everyone will see that Roger is mine. That Roger is no longer the one who freaks out when you touch his hair, who thinks everything about servanthood is silly and stupid. The one who would fight a collar and a leash. The men at Chains know him as the hardcore masochist, now they will meet the sub. Oh, sure, I'll inflict pain on him too, but unlike Enrique or Ron did. It will rather be about him submitting to me. And he will. He may find it a little harder than at home or at Winfield House, but he will give in. Because no matter how much he sometimes still fights it, it is what he wants. It's what we both want.

The ride to the club is smooth and easy, one would think four friends are going to a casual birthday party together.  
John`s driving, me in the passenger seat, Gela and Rog in the back, the radio is on and we sing and laugh along.

Nothing on earth could have prepared me for the many surprises ahead.

The mood changes significantly as soon as we greet Brent at the club door.  
Roger takes a step back.  
“Please go inside, I need a minute for me, okay?”  
I look at him questioningly, but he shakes his head, smiles a little.

"It's really OK, Nick, it won't take long. I'll be right there. I swear, I`m not freaked out, I won`t run away, I just need a minute. Or let`s say three- a cigarette length, yeah?”

I pull him close for a thorough kiss, feeling that I really don`t have to worry. The way he gives me control, even if it`s just a kiss, proves that he`s already half way gone to sub space.  
“ Take all the time you need, luv. Come to the bar when you`re ready.” I say when I break the kiss.  
“I will, sir.”

“Well, come along, my second favourite Taylors.” I turn to John and Gela.

John and I both have to laugh, because as soon as we enter the premises, Gela gives a little scream.  
If for the naked birthday boy or for Miles in full doggie gear, I don`t know.  
Those two, however, are the first ones we run into.  
Once again I am full of pride and admiration for my best friend.  
Without any shyness he hugs Robert warmly, not giving a fuck about him being naked. Naked and gay.  
As he crouches down in front of Miles, who of course, being a dog, is on all fours, to shake his right front paw as if it were the most normal thing in the world, I would love to kiss him.

I wish Roger had seen this, he would never doubt John again.  
Although Robert asked not to bring any presents and instead donate to a charity that cares for gay youth, we got a little something.  
It was Roger's idea, and Robert is obviously very happy about the magnificent orchid, his favourite flower.  
At the bar I meet more friends and see new faces. Robert introduces us all to each other.  
Ron and Charlie are not there yet, but Enrique and his wife are.  
While everyone is having a lively conversation in no time, I begin to wonder where my beloved is.  
I am just about to check on him when Ron and Charlie show up.  
A gorgeous couple, I have to admit. Ron in his leather kilt and heavy boots, Charlie in nothing but skin-tight leather pants, collared and leashed.  
“Where`s Rog?” Charlie asks and at that very moment it becomes strangely quiet.  
“¡Ahí está!” Enrique says quietly. I have o idea what that means, but I follow his gaze, just like everyone else did a fracture of a second before me.  
Well, that explains the sudden silence.  
Roger comes towards us, slow measured steps, straight and proud. And stark naked. I am quite sure that only I notice the slight trembling of his hands, hands in which he holds the collar, the leash and a piece of rope. No blindfold.  
With an incredible dignity and grace he kneels before me and hands me what he has brought.  
“I do not need the blindfold. I won't hide.” His words are quiet but clear, and because everyone is still silent, they are heard by everyone.  
I don't see Ron raising his eyebrows in amazement or Charlie's jaw dropping. Nor do I see the amused twitching in the corners of Enrique's mouth, the staring of his wife.  
Roger Taylor, known in this club as an utter masochist without the slightest hint of submissiveness, kneels naked before me and offers me his neck to put the collar on him. Without hiding behind the protective darkness of a blindfold.

So that was what he wanted to think about, alone.

Terrific! Wonderful!  
I close the collar around his lovely neck.

“Turn!” I say brusquely. Not because I want to be so dominant to bellow out orders, but because I do not trust my own voice.

I sit behind him on the floor and he crosses his wrists over the small of his back, offers me his hands to tie him up as he offered me his neck for the collar.  
Slowly the talks start again and more guests come in, but Roger and I don't really notice it. 

I enjoy his trust and closeness while I carefully tie his hands. Firm, but not too firm. I cover the piece of salty skin on his neck, the piece between his hairline and collar, with little kisses.  
“My pretty boy.” I whisper. 

“Yours” he nods, this one small word thick with utter truth.

Ok, so for all I care, we could both sit here for the whole evening, on the floor, Roger leaning against me with his head on my shoulder, naked, collared, with a rope around his wrists.  
I could tell him again and again how beautiful he is and he would tell me he`s mine.  
And although nobody would hear our whispers, everyone would see it. Feel it. Know it.

This strong, defiant, wonderful man is mine. He gives himself to me, to me, not to the pain of a whip or a cane or some silly carpet beater. To me.

My scalp begins to tingle, I feel someone looking at me intensely and I raise my head, meet Ron's gaze.  
He smiles appreciatively, without the slightest mockery.  
Next to him Charlie, with his mouth open and so full of admiration.  
Oh yes, there was something. He is a fan, Charlie, isn't he?

Ron seems to have the same thought just now.  
"I would say, pet, the chances of Roger Taylor ever beating you with drumsticks are slim to none. But I can ask him to lend me some,” he grins, ruffling Charlie`s hair.  
I can feel Roger's giggle more than I can hear it, and the magic in our little bubble is broken.

“Drumsticks are no good for spanking, believe me.” Enrique throws in and Roger`s chuckle turns into full laughter.  
“For real? You ever beat anybody up with drumsticks?”

“I tried, yes. Pure curiosity. But like I said, it's not good,” the Spaniard shrugs, turning back to his drink and the talk with his wife an and an unknown man.

I get up to my feet, tightly gripping the leash as I stand.  
Ron and I smile at each other, Charlie still stares down at Roger.  
Roger's best friend bends over to whisper something into my ear and I nod with a grin.  
"Charles, on your knees. Keep Roger company down there.” Ron commands and his sub doesn’t hesitate for a second.

It's kind of cute how they kneel next to each other and smile a little shyly. Roger looks even more vulnerable next to Charles, because Charles is more like his namesake Simon John Charles in height.  
The fact that he wears trousers unlike Roger also reinforces this impression.

Miles joins them and sits on his heels, sorry, hind paws.

Ron seems to know this game already, he scratches the dog between his ears.  
“Good boy, Miles. Keep a watchful eye on the two of them, so that I can talk to Nick in peace. Make a sound if they are about to do something stupid.”  
Then he bends to whisper in my ear yet again.  
“Please let him have the joy. He likes to play watchdog. I think it has something to do with looking at attractive men up close, but he would never dare to touch anyone. By the way, I am deeply impressed.“

“Me too, to be honest.”

We cling glasses, smiling in understanding.

At our feet the two subs are talking quietly.

I like this mood, how normality goes hand in hand with the kink.  
I think it will be a very exciting evening.


End file.
